Bill de Blasio Frees Groundhog From Enslavement and Abuse In what some say is an attempt to divert attention from his quickly fading dream of sending carriage horses off to the glue factory, New York Mayor Bill de Blasio, in a humane and selfless act, took matters into his own hands and provided the ultimate liberation to Charlotte the groundhog, one of four Staten Island Chucks, formerly enslaved at the Staten Island Zoo for the cruel ceremony known as Groundhog Day, a yearly event that exploits and degrades groundhogs all across the nation. Rather than see Charlotte humiliated again, he threw her humanely to the ground, causing her severe internal injuries which eventually proved fatal. NYCLASS lauded the mayor’s actions citing his concern for animals routinely abused in situations and traditions like this. We enthusiastically applaud Mayor de Blasio and his efforts to get these abused animals out of the hands of petty, would-be PT Barnums, using the creatures for a silly ceremony once a year, then making them live on nuts and grasses all year, in cold, underground burrows, with up to five entrances, sometimes designating one entrance in the rear for the less fortunate groundhogs among them.” said NYCLASS executive director Allie Feldman. Its the year 2014, and groundhogs have no place predicting weather. Groundhogs are placental mammals, not meteorologists, dammit. “It’s all about equality.” said the mayor. Alicia Glen, the new Deputy Mayor for Housing and Economic Development has been renamed the Deputy Mayor for Housing, Burrows, and Economic Development as the mayor and his staff plan the next step in his strategy. Officials of the Office of Chief Medical Examiner reported that criminal charges were being considered but for the moment the investigation continues. The Pennsylvania tradition in which ceremonial officials drag a groundhog known as Punxsutawney Phil from his cage has been suspended pending the decision regarding which charges may be filed. We are going to get rid of Groundhog Day, period, de Blasio said at a news conference Monday, saying that the practice is inhumane.
Posted on: Fri, 26 Sep 2014 02:32:58 +0000
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