Birgitte’s Simple Steps for How to Do a Man’s Job Without a - TopicsExpress



          

Birgitte’s Simple Steps for How to Do a Man’s Job Without a Man (Example: Replace a Kitchen Faucet) 1) Gather all the tools you need except for that one-really-important-exactly-right one that you don’t have. 2) Proceed to disassemble old faucet. 3) Successfully disassemble half the faucet. Awesome. Pat self on shoulder. 4) Struggle slightly to disassemble remaining faucet. Run into a slight snag. Okay maybe a medium snag. 5) Realize that the exact right tool might help. Drive off to hardware store singing along with the radio at top of lungs. 6) Let Handy Hardware Helper Hero talk you out of exact right tool in favor of smaller, cheaper, multi-use tool. 7) Drive home singing maybe not as loud as before. 8) Proceed to strip the hell out of lock nut with multi-use tool. 9) Cuss. 10) Cuss more. 11) Bang on underside of faucet with worthless multi-use tool until all remaining stale water splashes you in the face. 12) Screech back to hardware store and spend fifteen minutes searching for freaking Handy Helper guy so you can ream him for selling you the wrong goddamn tool, which will probably make him feel so guilty he quits before collecting full retirement and ends up on the street trying to sell a bag of useless tools no one needs. 13) Don’t find him. Consider that lucky. For him. 14) Find important-exactly-right-tool for the job all on your own with no help, except for the nice WOMAN who says yes that tool will probably work. 15) Return to finish faucet, elated. 16) *&*% lock nut is now so stripped it won’t come off even with exactly right tool. 17) Consider crying. Decide to yell F*CK really loudly while watching You Tube videos of how common this problem is and how the only solution is to use an electric hack saw. 18) Seriously consider buying an electric hack saw. 19) Complain about entire procedure to husband when he arrives home using lots of helpless hand gestures and a few well-chosen cuss words. 20) Tell husband several times that what he’s trying to do is what you just tried to do and it didnt work. 21) Watch as husband figures out perfect solution. 22) Optional last step: Drink wine. Lots and lots of wine.
Posted on: Sat, 05 Apr 2014 03:18:59 +0000

Trending Topics



Recently Viewed Topics




© 2015