Bonjour, sunshine! Im back bonjouring + I have no idea where to begin. That seems to be a recurring thing lately, joining forces with my ongoing not sure when to end either. Brace yourself. LOL I surprisingly decided to skip the beach this morn, opting for more silence. I missed my time on the sand. Im definitely addicted to Glitter the Globe + the genuine connection I feel we make here. Im grateful for you! But I honored the strong pull to take advantage of the holiday day off to assimilate the significant shifts gifted to me through the retreat. The tech disconnect discombobulated me plenty in a great way. The connection with the seen + unseen but deeply felt during the Nyungne Retreat at the Palm Beach Dharma Center even more. The experience was profound + meaningful. Im still processing everything. After the final blessing + a delish vegetarian break the fast meal savored with the other retreatants yesterday, I went downtown to work. Many took the day off to make it a 4-day weekend so the silence could easIly have continued, but no way. For some reason even though I enjoyed the silence very much, I found myself talking more than usual + extraordinarily hungry. It wasnt because I fasted + was in complete silence for almost two days. It went beyond that. It was as if any remnants of lower vibe stuff that was lingering needed to be let go of straightaway + it was uncomfortable. I really am at a loss for words how to explain how I felt. All I know is that Im at a crossroads. During meditation, vivid images of childhood episodes + other unpleasant times beyond, including events surrounding my dads passing + afterwards that were hurtful surfaced. I became obsessed with an email I saw Friday that sorta ticked me off. It was a wild rollercoaster ride through my life. Talk about housecleaning! WTF?! The hunger was more emotional than physical. Gobbling, guzzling, gabbing, grasping, gripping, griping, gossiping keeps me...all of us...from growing, glamming, glowing + flowing through + in grace. Now thats a mouthful! I did enjoy some savory treats including Graeters ice cream with Joe while catching up on Shark Tank. Im not a TV person but I do love me some ST! And ice cream. And Twizzlers. We had some of those yums too. The universe is positively completely supporting me in this last push to really step up up up my authentic self before the new year arrives, something my dad through his transition started with me a week before he died in January. Even though he wasnt speaking, his communication was strong energetically + continues to be. He was an active participant in the retreat. Even my friend Maya felt his presence. She commented on how we matched...I wore the black + white striped sweater I picked up at H & M in Rouen, France + my dads church-lady shawl that travels with me is black + white too. A tender observation that warmed my heart. Lots of who my Dad + I are matches, including our escape artist tendencies. Weve both mastered them in our own ways. I dedicated this special weekend to Mel. My intention for the retreat was to increase living in love + light + to drop any ego-reaction I have around a couple of people specifically. I thanked them profusely all weekend for the opportunity to grow more. If you have any folks that carry a negative charge in you, thank them for it. It really helps! I also prayed to keep the France fire in my belly stoked. The journey was truly life-transforming but being back in my world here at times fizzles my joie de vivre sizzle. The good news is that I quickly recover + revert back to my French root ways so it has become my normal state, with the crappy stuff showing up as simple detours. Matters not as the path always takes me back to Paris! The retreat focused on the Buddha of Compassion, Chenrezig. If youre familiar with loving-kindness or metta meditation its similar. The key is to send love to all sentient beings. Everyone. Even those who have hurt you. Our true selves are love + pure. Its only when our ego self jumps in do we have + cause suffering. If we can see everyone as their true self, as one with all, the rest is just crap to work through without bad feelings attached. Surely something to aspire to. Not always easy. Most of the day was spent in the beautifully adorned shrine chanting, repeating mantras, performing mudras + meditating. Much was in Sanskrit. I found myself pronouncing the jes etc. in our booklets like I would in French. Its a good thing there was a prayer that asked for forgiveness for saying the mantras incorrectly. We also made various beautiful offerings to Chenrezig + many other beings. Incense, flowers, music, parfum + other lovely things all associated with a mudra. A feast for the eyes + heart. It was very special. And exhausting. Really. I now know why there was a 3-hour break in the middle of each day. Nap time! The practice wasnt easy. Repeating the same mantra over + over again caused my body temp to increase + my heart to race. It required oodles of discipline. It was simply + deeply fabulous on so many levels. But not simple. To make sure I didnt speak when I left practice I placed an eye mask over my mouth...seemed less bizarre than duct tape...choosing the one I got in my airline kit that I decorated with a Sharpie Shhhh......more inline with the weekends energy than the F**k Off! mask I have, but what a great message to my ego when it rears its ugly head. LOL I needed an assist because what I quickly realized was that I talk all day long. And not just with other humans. I have out loud convos with my angels, my dad, God, myself, Roxi + Oliver. When I got home at the end of day one, I was greeted by the pups with more enthusiasm than usual, which is a lot. Through pets, tail wags, belly rubs + kisses we communicated just fine. It was if they sensed all the spirit energy their mommy had been playing with all day. Very cool! Animals are connected for sure. Throughout the weekend my senses heightened. I saw more, smelled more, heard more. Without the distractions of electronic connections + chitchat, I noticed every moment clearly. I usually check messages at red lights. Instead of thumb pecking replies before the light turned green, I twiddled my thumbs. There was no race to complete anything. At first it felt odd, just sitting there wondering if the light would ever change color. I soon enjoyed the flow of traffic with its stops showing me a building I hadnt noticed before + its starts getting me closer to my destination with gratitude. I did miss my Pimsleur French lessons that I listen to every morning in the car, but well pick up tomorrow where we left off without missing a beat. The phone + computer disconnect was surprisingly easy except for the camera part. I saw so many images I wanted to capture. I was going through camera withdrawal. Fortunately I could snap away on the last day after the retreat ended. I hope you enjoy the pics! Ill definitely incorporate more silence + tech time-outs henceforth. I found myself so focused + peaceful...in the flow like never before. The combo of the silence-fasting-tech shutdown was a trifecta power win...high vibe stakes...more valuable than stacks of cash. Priceless! We can speak clearly through our hearts without saying one word. A smile, a gesture, a nod. There are many ways to express ourselves without opening our mouths. Lots of awesome shifts happened. Lama Lorraine was our compassionate leader. She smiled every time I got a mudra right. She smiled at me when I screwed up. Lots of sincere smiles, especially from goof-ups that still upped the energy. I met incredible real deal people. One of the participants remembered me from when I first started my job with the county 28 years ago. My battery died in the gov center garage + he was my jumping hero. To run into each other after so many years was awesome. The fact that he remembered me was over the top. I guess as much as Ive changed on the inside, theres enough of the same on the outside to be recalled. Ha! Id encourage you to experience a Nyungne at least once in your life. You dont have to be Buddhist. This Catholic girl was able to keep up. All you have to believe in is compassion for all sentient beings. Forgiveness, love, light, letting go, honoring others, including yourself. Thats what lifes all about, right? Right! Of course, you dont need a retreat to embrace all of this goodness. You know. Ill be back on the beach tomorrow unless something wild happens today. We never do know for sure, do we? Im off to fill my dash with joy. Wishing you the same! Lots of love + light wrapped in a shhhhhhhug, Denise-Marie xx
Posted on: Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:42:20 +0000
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