Bono woke up one morning to the sound of crying children, feeling something he hadnt felt in a long time. He rolled over on his 100 000 000 thread-count, goose-feather mattress and turned off the alarm. The sound stopped. what is this feeling? he muttered to himself. I think its... hunger. But not hunger in the literal sense. He stared at the gigantic, ceiling-encompassing poster of a starving african child, which stared right back. Not that kind of hunger. He got out of bed. He got in his golden golf cart and puttered down to the kitchen, where a kind columbian man had prepared him a hot cup of Irish coffee. He paced for a few minutes. I need more. he said to himself. my band and I are more popular and acclaimed than ever, more than any other band in the history of the known universe, and yet it is not enough. He sighed. The Lord works in mysterious ways. But how to solve this problem? he needed to consult his other half. He called up The Edge, who was playing with his pedals, as per usual. I think I figured out an even more delayed reverb. he said to Bono. Nevermind that, The Edge. said Bono. we need to amass more power. Yes, said The Edge, this has been on my mind as well. there are still people in this world who have not heard our music. Bono thought for a minute. what can we do? set up speakers in the Amazon rainforest and blast our new album 24/7? nonono responded The Edge. the speakers will just burn down with the forest. youre right, The Edge. Bono was ready to give up when the Divine Hand of Our Lord reached down and poked his brain. I have it. we will make a deal with Apple, the greatest company to ever grace Gods green Earth, and our new album will be instantly sent out to EVERY iTUNES USER IN EXISTENCE. Genius. said The Edge. as per usual. Its agreed then. said Bono. wheres Adam? let him know. oh, probably hotboxing the bathroom. alright, and get the Gimp. you mean Larry? hes sleeping. Bono didnt have time for this shit. Well, wake him up! He ended the call and noticed his boner was out of control this morning. That always happened when he had great ideas, and he always had great ideas. Bonos boner had been constant for the last 14 years. He clapped his hands and the TV flicked on. He wanted to make sure he didnt miss the adulation of the masses when the news broke. There was a World Vision commercial on. He switched the channel immediately. He hated those things.
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 20:42:03 +0000
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