Brothers dont give up on your wives or marriages. Marriage isnt always good times and has its ups and downs. Sometimes your wife can have a down mood for a long time. Thats no reason to mistreat her. Be kind to her always and tell her you love her even if she wont say it back. Try as hard as possible to fix the down and turn it into an up. Show sabr with your wife. Remind her of Allah. Marriage is something the shayateen attack from every angle and want to end, therefore constant vigilance is required. This is especially true with many new marriages as it takes a lot of time for the new spouses to get to know one another. The shayateen are strong during this period as misunderstandings can arise which causes suspicion of each other due to a insufficient knowledge of one another. New husbands, I sincerely advise you to show sabr towards your new wives because they have much to lose since you provide for them and protect them. Many times trust and love has to be earned which can take months and sometimes even years. Some new wives have been previously abused so at times you may harm or scare them without even intending to do so. Its best to recognise what you did and make sure you avoid doing it again. It may seem silly to you and it can be small things but it isnt silly to them and can trigger awful memories in them. Previously abused wives require extra sabr and extra tender loving care. Later on it can be a rewarding experience if you show sabr and understanding. Try to understand her as much as possible including her needs.Value her opinion too. At times she may not divulge information about herself, again this is where sabr and understanding come into play. This doesnt mean shes keeping secrets from you or is being deceitful. Dont force the info from her or sneak around to get it as it will push her away from you and cause a loss of trust. If this happens, do not panic. Apologise to her and admit to your mistake and dont repeat it. Sometimes you might have to rebuild a few times. She may even think herself as worthless and a bad wife. That just isnt true; do remind her she is a wonderful wife, show her she is. Cherish her. Listen to her, especially her feelings because theyre important and again at times she may not want to tell you, dont force her to, show sabr and understanding. She married you because she wants to heal and move forward but remember it takes a lot of time so dont expect quick results. Remember too that she is expecting abuse, show her you wont abuse her, find out what she fears so you can avoid triggering them. Many times when a previously abused wife marries a good husband she will push him away because she is afraid. Do not get frustrated, show sabr and eventually the pushing away shall subside. Healing from abuse takes a long time. Just because a flower is wilted it doesnt mean it cannot bloom once more.
Posted on: Sat, 20 Dec 2014 22:12:17 +0000
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