By now we all know I dont have a mind of my own ,I give in easily to peer pressure and I have self esteem issues. This leads to very bad decisions. So last week whilst having lunch with a friend -lets call her Ciru Muriuki-I was shocked when I heard her order. Sijui steamed leaves and lemons and boiled carrots and God knows what else. I stared. She explained in a very judging manner - Im keeping fit , that includes gym and watching my diet. WHAT SORCERY IS THAT? Just 2 days prior she had introduced me to the sinfully delicious Mocha milkshake and now she was announcing -I will only be taking milkshake once a month. I hated her. Then that Judas woman went all out and formed a fitness group and added me (without my consent thank you very much).so all day I see women working out and looking fabulous and to make myself feel better I eat cake. Enters another problematic individual.lets call her Wangu Gaita- a yoga maniac.She had ordered a silver bracelet but when it came it was too big and had to be resized. I took her to collect it. When she wore it, it looked like Rick Ross handcuffs. Someone came up with a bright idea that I should try it on.I cant rem the exact words but it was something like -Sly anakuwanga na mikono nono...Sly ebu vaa tuone. Other people in unison -eehh mkono yake ni nono, pia vidole zake zinakuwanga pum-pum. All stated as a fact...like you would say -The sun rises in the East. So I wore the bracelet.And it was a (near) perfect fit....well its a bit..er..fitting..but you know blood circulation is not really that important compared to a pretty-looking wrist . Upside I got to keep it. But I was so so furious. So I got home, Mrs.G sneaked me out to buy me chicken and fries (yes Wangu thats where we disappeared to when we left you slaving in the kitchen)....and today at 6.30 a.m I was headed to the gym. An experience I can honestly describe as a near -death experience. I was at the very FRONT of the class and I didnt stop (or drop dead) even once.I am DONE with illuminati food.
Posted on: Mon, 07 Jul 2014 06:42:44 +0000
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