CHECK OUT DIZ Lawyers JOKES n TELL ME yenye INAKUBAMBA Lawyers are often the butt of jokes throughout the world. Here are some splendid examples, taken from stenographers transcripts of real court cases. Q: Have you lived in this town all your life? A: Not yet. Q: ... any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? A: The victim lived. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? A: Yes, I have been since early childhood. Q: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? A: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. Q: What is your brother-in-laws name? A: Fowler Q: Whats his first name? A: I cant remember. Q: Hes been your brother-in-law for years, and you cant remember his first name? A: No. I tell you Im too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Fowler). Derek, for goodness sake, tell them your first name. Q: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities? A: He didn’t offer me anything; he just said I could have the furniture. Q: What is your name? A: Geraldine McNally Q: And what is your marital status? A: Fair Q: Are you married? A: No, Im divorced. Q: And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A: A lot of things I didnt know about. Q: Mrs. Warren, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your solicitor? A: No. This is how I always dress when I go to work. Q: Did he pick the dog up by the ears? A: No. Q: What was he doing with the dogs ears? A: Picking them up in the air. Q: Where was the dog at this time? A: Attached to the ears. Q: ...and what did he do then? A: He came home and next morning he was dead. Q: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead? Q: Could you see him from where you were standing? A: I could see his head. Q: And where was his head? A: Just above his shoulders. Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isnt it. You, too, were shot in the fracas? A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval. Q: Now, Mrs Brown, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And, by whose death was it terminated? Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now? A: I will be three months November 8th. Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: What were you and your husband doing at that time? Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies have been on dead people. Q: Did the lady standing the driveway subsequently identify herself to you? A: Yes, she did. Q: Who did she say she was? A: She said she was the owner of the dogs wife. Q: I understand youre Donald Rowbotham’s mother. A: Yes. Q: How long have you known him? Q: Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact. A: Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg. Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child? Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, I have to kill you because you can identify me. Q: Did he kill you? Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? Q: Were you alone or by yourself? Q: How long have you been a French Canadian? Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind? Q: So you were gone until you returned?
Posted on: Mon, 21 Oct 2013 06:46:16 +0000