CHOOSING BETWEEN A DIASPORA AND LOCAL MAN FOR LOVE OR MARRIAGE. The journalist, Gladys N Johnson, raised the following issue, which I needed to present to this group because it involves significant legal twist and several teachable opportunities. Remember the stories of Nigerian men who kill their Nigerian wives in America and say they are ready for jail. She wrote: I dont know what is so special about a man living overseas than the one living in Nigeria. So many young ladies are trapped with this issue of marriage to overseas husbands . A man struggling to get his papers would have one girl cornered for him in Nigeria. And after the traditional marriage, it may take him another five to six years to even come home. Then, the embassy would not give her visa to join her so-called husband. The man would ask her to move into the family home where they would either monitor or maltreat her at the same time. The girls parents would be proud to say that their son in-law is in America or where ever. To the girls parents it is a raise in their status for their son in-law to be in diaspora, Meanwhile, their daughter will be roasting for a marriage that is nonexistent and all they will tell her is to endure and believe in God. They do not know what he is doing for a living. Then, to get his papers, he must compromise with another woman who is a citizen. I dont know what it will take these people to realize that its better to marry someone they can see rather than a mirage. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE WHOLE TRUTH? As a Nigerian who has lived in America for over 20 years, I can tell you now that if you are a Nigerian girl living in Nigeria and you are faced with this choice, the Nigerian-based man is better. The whole notion that the man based in America or Europe is better than the one based in Lagos is a total illusion. Or better stated, never place any value on the fact that he is based in America. You have no idea what he is doing there. And the one month he spent in Nigeria during his last visit is not enough for you to discover that he is married to an American woman and is not yet divorced even though he is planning to do that. Many of those men who believe they could divorce their American wives quickly and meet your wedding timeframe are often unaware of certain snags that could delay their divorce with the American woman for years. And when they finally get the divorce, they may end up with hefty child support obligation that would make it impossible for them to afford to raise child with you. First, find out what his is doing in the US. Does he have a good job? It is something you should know for sure, not just what he told you. Men tend to exaggerate their success and income, especially when they are wooing a woman. Also, make sure you have a realistic sense of money and values. Be literate in basic economics, For instance, a man making $100K (N16m) per annum in America may be poorer than a man making N5m ($33k) in Nigeria. Indeed, the one in Nigeria, even though with apparently lower salary could be saving more than the one in America who after paying taxes, rent, etc in America may not have anything left even for him to visit Nigeria. Try to check the mans level of education and his level of socialisation in America. Some Nigerians are in America, but they have never left Nigeria. He landed in America and moved into his uncles house. He continued to live in a Nigerian household, eating the same isi ewu (yes, they have that in America too, sold by Nigerians in the Nigerian stories), drinking the same Goulder Beer, watching the same Nollywood movies, attending a Nigerian church, and working as a helping hand in his uncles cleaning business where they clean factory floors at night when the American workers have gone home. This guy could be living and working in America, without meeting Americans. So, for you here in Nigeria, you would believe that the man is in an Americana, while he remains the same as the friends he left behind in Iyanipaja. He is just in some Nigerian place in America. On the other hand, if you meet a Nigerian who attended school in America and is working along Americans, even if he does not have a lot of savings, he would have imbibed some culture that would be helpful to you, as a woman. For instance, he would respect you and even accept the equal right of the woman in the house. He will never be physical with you. He would not womanise because that is not common in America or among his friends. So, if you can find a Nigerian based in Nigeria who does not maltreat or abuse you and who has a descent job with prospects for growth, he is better than the Nigerian man based in America. Dont get carried away by the overseas illusion. Most of our guys there are struggling. You dont really want to know what is going on until it is too late, and you are a wife that cannot travel to join him or you manage to get there and you have no job and no rest because you and your husband are working 3 shifts to survive. And stop thinking you would set up a saloon business in America. You dont know how to make white peoples hair. The same saloon in Sururlere would make you more money. And for the Nigerian men trying to marry a Nigerian woman based in America, well I have nothing to say. But this is really a new area to look into. There might be real opportunities out there.
Posted on: Mon, 30 Jun 2014 04:28:23 +0000
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