Can we ever be guided to use fear as a tool ? Q #1029: In A Course in Miracles Jesus says: “Make no one fearful, for his guilt is yours” (T.13.IX.2:2). I am a school teacher and I hate to say it but the only way that I can keep my classroom full of middle-school students orderly at times is to indeed make them fearful. For example, if my students do not fear that I will lower their grade or call their parent if they misbehave, they will have no motivation to behave as I need them to in class. How do I reconcile your oft-stated suggestion to not forget to be “normal” with Jesus statement that I quoted above about not making others fearful? I see no other practical way to control my classroom at times but to use fear. I guess what I am really asking is: Can we lovingly be guided to use fear? A: Youre suffering from another one of those form versus content confusions so common to Course in Miracles students! (You may wish to look at Questions #371, #452, #484 and #584 for further discussion of issues related to the ones you raise here.) First of all, to answer your closing question, we will never be lovingly guided to use fear as a way to change or control anyone for any purpose -- not even 12- and 13-year old brats! For fear is the emotion/thought that is triggered and reinforced by our belief in our guilt (T.19.IV.A.10:1,2,3,4) , which says we are deserving of punishment (T.26.VII.3:1; W.pII.259.1:4) , and Jesus main purpose in the Course is to help us undo our guilt and all its various expressions. So any intervention or manipulation intended to reinforce guilt and fear to achieve a specific end could never have originated from the right mind. Now that is not to say that we would never be lovingly guided to be firm or use discipline or the possibility of negative consequences in our dealings with others, especially with children and adolescents. And this brings us back to the central issue in the Course of purpose, which is always the determiner of the content of any of our decisions and subsequent actions. If our purpose is to see others as responsible for how we feel, then we have chosen to reinforce our own belief in separation, and we have turned to the ego as our teacher in the situation. But if our purpose is to remember that we all share the same interests, and acting out is only ever a call at a deeper level for the love that we all long to experience, then we have chosen to listen to the Holy Spirit as our guide. So how would this look in your classroom situation? If you are aware of some degree of anger towards your students for their misbehaving and feel a need to threaten them and punish them to get them to do what you want them to do, you can be certain that your ego is in charge. But if you simply recognize that they are acting their age and that they need guidelines and limits, as well as consequences for crossing those limits, in order to be able to benefit individually and as a group from their learning environment, that could very likely be a right-minded perspective. At the level of form, you may do and say the same thing to your students as you would when your ego is calling the shots, but your intent or purpose would be different. To set limits from a right-minded perspective, you must first be very honest with yourself about any ego-based feelings your have towards the class as a whole or towards any individual student or students. If you are aware of anger or even mild annoyance or irritation, any action against your students that you take in response to those feelings will be coming from your ego. And so you are the one in need of help. Your first step then would be to recognize that your upset has nothing to do with how your students are behaving or misbehaving. Anger is never a reaction to anything external, regardless of how justified it may seem (T.30.VI.1:1,2; M.20.3:3,4) , but always represents a projection of our own unresolved internal conflict over the separation (T.6.in.1:2,3,4,5,6,7) . This is perhaps the most difficult step in the correction process to accept, given the value accorded to projection as a defense within our ego thought system. But once you can recognize and accept that your reactions are not to your students but to your own guilt, you can withdraw the projection from your students and begin to address the real issue in your mind. And that simply involves acknowledging that the anger has been a defense against accepting responsibility for how you feel, but that now you are willing to acknowledge that you are the one who decides how you will feel and react. Your next step simply involves taking the inner guilt that is behind your anger to Jesus and looking with him at its insubstantial nature (T.18.IX.5:2,3,4; 6; 8) . Our guilt does not seem like nothing to us, and that is why joining with Jesus, who symbolizes the memory of oneness for us - - which means he is the reminder that the separation and guilt are not real -- is so essential to the looking process. When we allow ourselves to take that step, our anger and guilt disappear. It is at this point that you can then return your attention to your students, knowing more clearly what is the kindest, most loving way to keep or bring the class under control, since you no longer have any anger invested in the situation. It may involve setting limits, or you may also at times find that there could be a different way of structuring the class or framing the lesson that more readily elicits your students participation and cooperation. And a different overall approach may evolve over time, as you are able to release your own obstacles to seeing more clearly. And should your guidance be to set some limits with consequences for your students, it may be helpful to know that you are not responsible for your students reactions. Should they experience fear at the possible outcomes for crossing the boundaries you establish, their fear, much like your anger, is not the result of the external limits you have set, but rather is a projection of their own unresolved guilt. Fear after all need not be the only reason for respecting the limits, and you can set clear limits without intending to arouse guilt and fear, if you have done your part first to recognize and release your own ego investments in the situation . facimoutreach.org/qa/questions/questions211.htm#Q1029
Posted on: Wed, 03 Dec 2014 13:40:41 +0000
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