Cataracts: Space Wars One morning I awoke to the sound of dog farts going through the P.A. system of my mansion made of chocolate berries, “Good cog!” I took off my dark shades, “They’ve returned wait-“I listened closely to the musical posteriors, “No wait, they’re farting in E minor.” That means that someone’s llama lights are on. Suddenly the dogs did something I’ll never forget. They began farting in the tune to Beethoven’s 5th symphony, I gasped and screamed, “No! Anything but that!” I looked up at the sky just in time to see the space walruses falling from the sky and crash landing on planet Fergilicious. I quickly pulled out my phone and threw it on the ground and screamed, “Cataracts! Come forth!” And suddenly there was a mighty “Nyeeeh!” and Cataracts came out of the clouds on an electric scooter powered by the tears of children, he slowly stepped off the scooter. My head exploded and then regrew, “Cataracts! We have to save the planet!” Cataracts pulled out a cigar a lit it, “Nya.” I gasped and my head turned 360 degrees, my voice sounded like Nicholas Cage, “What do you mean…no?” Cataracts pointed to a puppy, my head turned 360 and revealed the face of Batman, I spoke in a deep voice, “Yes…the dog is the key.” I walked over to the puppy and picked it up. Pointing it at the sky, “Puppy cannon online.” The puppy slowly opened its mouth and revealed the barrel of a gun, “Puppy power in three…two…one.” I pointed the puppy at the sky and the sound of powering up was heard as energy was drawn into the puppy, “Fire.” The puppy released a planet destroying beam the size of fifty planets and capable of destroying the galaxy. The walruses slowly stopped falling and their mother ship fell to the planet, falling into the ocean where the space whales feasted on it. I put the puppy down and watched it run off and explode. “It was also a bomb.” I turned to face the camera, “I’ve saved the day once again from the evil that is walruses.” A random citizen pointed to the sky and gasped, “SPACE DOLPHINS!” My eyes widened and I screamed like a wombat. Turning to the people to warn them to evacuate but before I could, they were all turned into radishes. I quickly climbed onto Cataracts. “Cataracts! My ultimate weapon!” He opened his mouth and I reached into his throat, pulling out a golden banjo. “Ignition.” Cataracts blasted into space, heading straight for the Dolphin King. “Eheheheheh!” Said the Dolphin King, I glared, “What did you say about my macaroni recipe you oversized minnow!?” The Dolphin King fired his laser eyes at me. Cataracts barely dodged. I cocked the banjo and unloaded over three hundred bullets into the Dolphin King. He just laughed his evil dolphin laugh and spit them back at me, I tried fire again. “Crap. Outta bullets!” I suddenly had the best idea ever, “Cataracts…we have to call…them.” Cataracts growled and woofed. The Dolphin King did a back flip, “Eheheheheh!” I glared at him, “I do not! I have never even seen a waffle dance!” Suddenly the sound of thunder cracking filled the non-air as out of nowhere a bunch of dogs started barraging the Dolphin King. I opened my mouth wide and fired a massive nyan cat at him, sending him deep into the cosmos, powerless. “The power of the internet!” I slowly stood and began dancing to Popipo as Cataracts flew into the sun.
Posted on: Fri, 04 Jul 2014 10:02:46 +0000
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