(Chapter 1 Cont) There are many issues that may arise when someone becomes aware that they were adopted. You feel sad over the loss of a relationship with your biological parents and the loss of your cultural identity that you would have had with them. Feelings of grief can come and go through out different stages of your life, including when you first find out your adopted, during your adolescent years or when another family member dies. Feelings of being abandoned and "not good enough," combined with hurt feelings over the biological Parents decision to “reject” you or to “give you away.” These vulnerable feelings may be synergistic when and if you learn that your biological mother later had others that she chose to raise herself. In my case being adopted meant also losing access to important medical and genetic histories. Every time I’ve had to go to the doctors (one that wasn’t my primary) they would ask, what about family history of this or family history of that and sometimes it would become a painful being reminded I have no clue who I am or where I came from. I struggled with self-esteem and identity issues. I often wondered why I was given up for adoption and about what my birth family looked like, acted like, does for a living, etc. I had a hard time knowing that I might have another family out there. It may feel like your betraying your adoptive family or you might be scared that you will hurt your adoptive family by wanting to learn about your birth family. With my family I did not have to wonder how my mom and dad felt about my curiosity in my biological parents. They had addressed this topic in previous conversations. When you don’t look like your parents, people outside the family may ask questions or tell you what their viewpoints on adoption are. This can become annoying and bring up painful or hurtful feelings. Its best to shut it down fast by calmly and assertively telling people that the topic is not something you wish to discuss or the time is inappropriate. A subtle approach may be necessary when a touchy question has been asked by people the family knows to be well meaning. If this happens, you need to figure out the persons motives for asking, which in fact may be from a lack of knowledge.
Posted on: Thu, 22 Aug 2013 02:56:53 +0000