Chapter 12 James: “for the most beautiful woman on earth” he said and opened the door. I couldn’t believe what I saw as he opened the door. At the dinner table were several dishes of food. Everything was decorated with roses. It looked stunning. I turned to him and gave him a tight hug. I sat down on a chair and James sat in front of me. James: “start babe, you were so hungry” James said and gave me the plate. I took it thankfully and we both got a lot of food on it. We ate a lot and talked about a lot of things. You: “how long are we here” I said and looked at him. James: “2 weeks”. I nodded and continued to eat. James: “and is it tasty?” You: yes thanks” I said and smiled at him. We talked about a lot of things again and laughed a lot. Later I cleaned everything while James was watching soccer. As I was finished I went down to James. You: “James I’m going to sleep, night” I said and went out again. James screamed James: “okay I’m coming too after soccer”. I slowly went to the bedroom and put something comfy on. I took my phone and lay to bed. I saw that I got a lot of calls and messages. I started to read them. All of them were from April and Sophie. Both stupid. But that’s one reason why I love them. They wrote that I should have fun and come home pregnant. I put away my phone and covered myself with a smile on my face. I thought about everything again. Of course about me and James. I wanted to get clear about my feelings. I just wanted to know what that is between us. I’m annoyed of myself like why did I return the kisses of James. No matter how nice it felt. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before or why I’m just now coming with this. I don’t understand myself. Can you love so fast? I never held something of it. I’m not saying that I don’t feel for James but this can’t be love. It doesn’t happen so fast. And James too. But I have made one thing up my mind. As long as I don’t know what James feels for or I to him I will not let him near me. No matter how beautiful and safe it feels. But how can I tell him or show him. Gosh my head will explode because of those questions. I closed the thought and tried to sleep. After 10 minutes I couldn’t sleep. I slowly stood up and went to the bathroom. I washed my face and went out again. I was on my way to the bedroom and wanted to get in as James called my name. I turned around and said You: “yes”. He came to me and said James: “didn’t you want to sleep”. I nodded and said You: “I couldn’t sleep”. I just went into the bedroom and just lay down. James who followed me said James: “are you not feeling good? Are you sick?” he asked concerned. You: “no everything is okay”. I covered myself and tried to sleep. Suddenly I felt two arms around my stomach. James pulled me to him and pressed me to him. I wanted to get out of his grips. I didn’t want this. It was too early. All those questions from earlier came back. But James was too strong and didn’t let it happen. You: “James please let me go” I said and tried again to get away. I know it’s maybe not the best thing to do where actually the best days of us started but this needs to be done. James who slowly let me go stood up and looked at me. But I instead lay back down and tried to sleep. How am I going to do that now? James: “Y/N what’s wrong?” he asked somehow sad and at the same time disappointed. I turned around. You: “nothing. I just want to sleep” I tried to say cold. James just shook his head and laid back with his back to me. I did the same. Why is it so hard for me to do that? But it’s better like that. As long as I don’t know what feelings I have for him or he for me I won’t let him come close to me as hard as it is for me. After a few minutes I slowly closed my eyes and fell asleep. ------ I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. I got up and shook myself. I looked to James’ side. He was still sleeping. I slowly got up and went to the bathroom. There I washed my face and did the routine things. As I was finished I went out and went to the kitchen. I started to prepare the breakfast and covered the table. I did the dishes from last night since James was still sleeping. I was finished, well almost, I felt two strong arms around my waist. James who put his head on my shoulder kissed my neck and said James: “good morning”. I enjoyed his near for a moment but got away from him as fast as I could. But he was too strong. You: “James let me go please”. Slowly he got away from me and sat on a chair. I saw pure disappointment in his face. He looked irritated. I sat in front of him and we started to eat. Right as I wanted to take bread from the breadbasket, James did the same and so our hands touched. We looked into the eyes. How I love just to look in his eyes. I put back my mind and withdrew my hand really fast. He instead looked sad and withdrew his hand too. We started to eat again. No one said anything. It was quiet, till James broke it with saying James: “Y/N I can’t stand it anymore, what’s wrong” he asked me and put away his bread. I instead looked at my plate and continued to eat and ignored him. James: “I didn’t imagine our honeymoon like that” he said and put his hand on mine which was on the table. I withdrew it really fast and didn’t look him in the eye. That would make me weaker. James: “Y/N did I do something to you” he said and got up. He came to me and bent in front of me. Why is he doing this harder as it already is? You: “there is nothing okay, we can enjoy our honeymoon like that too” I tried to say it as cold as possible, but as I saw as I saw James shocked but at the same time sad look I couldn’t look at him. He slowly stood up and sat again. James: “I don’t understand you. Is it because of the kisses? If yes, you kissed back. It was wonderful? Or not” he said full of hope. I instead just looked at him and didn’t say anything. James: “Y/N say something” he said and took my hand. Why is he making it harder than it already was? Of course the kiss was wonderful. It felt wonderful. But I just need to talk with him. He didn’t deserve something like that. He took away his hand and put his elbow on the table and buried his face in his hands. We stayed like that for a while until I couldn’t take it anymore and said stuttering You: “what is that be-tween u-s”. I don’t know myself how I did this but I felt free. He instead exempts his face from his hands and just looked at me. James: “what is this question now” he said and looked at me. I just breed my shoulders and waited for an answer. James: “that’s not that important right” he asked me. I couldn’t believe what he just said. Of course it is important. He doesn’t even care how I feel. But that just showed me that I did the right thing. I shouldn’t ask at all. And I made my hopes. I stood up and said You: “no it’s not important. I give a damn about it” I said and went out. I was proud of myself somehow but it felt really hard to be cold like that. I just went into the living room and took my phone. I called April. After a few calls she answered. April: “hey sweetie, how are you? How is the honeymoon going?” she said without a pause. I started to laugh and said You: ”take a breath first sweetie”. April: “yeah yea. Tell me how it’s going.” I started to tell her everything but before I went to the bedroom. April: “it’s going to be okay sweetie. But Y/N is it possible that you have feelings for him” she said after a few minutes. I didn’t say anything and realized that my cheeks got red. April: “I got the answer” she said laughing. I laughed too. It was like that. If April laughs then I had to laugh too. You: “well tell me how it is going with you” I said and sat on bed. April: “Y/N a lot happened. You know Carlos. We met at the city suddenly and since no one of us got someone he asked me if I want to go for a coffee and it went perfect. Yeah and we also exchanged numbers” she said shameful. I started to laugh because I thought it’s so cute. We talked for a while but we called it an end since I wanted to call Sophie too. I called here and we talked. As I was done with the calling I slowly stood up and went down. I went to the kitchen so I could clean. James wasn’t there anymore. I went out and looked everywhere but he wasn’t there. I went to the living room and looked to the beach from the window. He was there. He threw stones to the sea. I went back to the kitchen and cleaned everything. As I was done I went to the bedroom and packed my beg for the beach. As I was finished I went down and went out. I closed the door and made it my way. But what I saw shocked me. ---------------------------------- What do you think happened there? -Bey-
Posted on: Sat, 30 Aug 2014 18:19:09 +0000