Chapter 68. Time flew... Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months... Price giving yafika ya gqitha and I didnt quite get as much prizes as people (mostly, my parents) had expected. I remember after the whole event, ufika kwethu endlini. My mom didnt even talk to me the whole time. And then Ndabizwa late and got the lecture of a lifetime. My mom yelled at me, endixelela ba Ndithe phithi nga bafana and thats why my marks werent so good this year...all of that wethu. She was right, though. After the break up with uSivuyile, I wasnt quite myself again. Bendisoloko ndilele, ndisitya kakhulu to such an extent that I had gained so much weight and I didnt even fit into half of my clothes anymore. I was so depressed, ndimane ndiba ne ntloko out of the blue and it would hurt so bad... I always thought that time healed, but for me it just made things worse. As the days went by, I got worse. Thinking of Sivuyile and I, how he made me laugh and blush, how he kissed me, how sweet he was and how he wanted the best for me, even if it meant a break up... :(... Before I knew it, it was a few days before the December holidays. Actually, it was a Wednesday, kuzovalwa Friday. I hadnt seen uSivuyile since he dumped me. As always, I went to school and right after school, I chilled with Olwethu by the gate. I hadnt told her about me and Sivuyile being over, but her, being the one who knows me more than ALMOST anyone else, could see right through me. So, she kept guessing but never really got an answer from me. Anyway, we were sitting down ke, she was busy on her phone and I was just staring at the people that were walking past, going about with their daily lives while mine stood still. Lwethu looked up from her phone and stared at me, ndaqiniseka ndajonga phambili though, from my peripheral vision, I could see her staring at me. Lwethu: Sindiswa? Me: hm? Her: Jay and his friends have another thing planned for le weeke- Me: Im not going. Her: haybo, ngoba? I shrugged my shoulders. Her: kanti kwenzekani? Me: nothing, I just dont wanna go. Her: hmm... She looked down at her phone again, and then quickly looked back up like she had forgotten to say something and had only just remembered at that moment. Her: why wont you just come out with it? I turned to look at her. Me: out with what? Her: lento yenzeka kuwe no Sivuyile. Youve been dark and gloomy for the past few months, andisakwazi mna anymore. Me: yoh, Olwethu!!! Fine. He dumped me, okay? She stared at me, mouth and eyes wide open. Me: nantso ke into kudala ufuna uyiva. Her: I didnt know it was that bad... I just thought that nixabene and- Me: save it, bra. I got up, took my bag and walked to my dads car which was about to park. Olwethu ran after me, reached me and pulled my arm. Her: Im sorry. Me: okay. Her: nyan, Sindiswa. Me: okay, Olwethu! Andazi ufuna ndithini kengoku. Her: I just wish you couldve told me. Its been months yenzekile lento and you couldnt even tell me. Me: because I didnt want you feeling sorry for me! I dont want a pity party, so save all the sorrys and all that. She stared at me, making me feel uncomfortable. I yanked my arm out of hers, ndaqhubeka nendlela yam eya kwi moto ka tata. I reached it, got inside and waited for Mpumi to come so that sizohamba... When we got home, I went straight to my room, ndaphosa ubhaka phantsi and sat on my bed. I paged my phone, going through texts and pictures of me and Sivuyile. It actually made me feel worse but I liked reading all the stuff and laughing at the silly pictures we took. I laughed, and ended up crying...because it was all just too much to take in. I needed him back. I took off my blazer, kicked off my shoes, ndangqengqa ngecala in a fetal position and cried myself to sleep...... A few days later. Saturday. Schools closed the day before. It was morning, I just wasnt sure what time...Kodwa I was still in bed. Because, well... Because I can. I was awake, ndimane ndingena ku facebook to check news feeds and then ndiphinde ndilale again for a few minutes, ndothuke and do the same thing over and over..kwade kwabetha u12, ilanga laqinisa kwabe kutshisa but I wasnt bothered coz I hadnt even opened my curtains yet. I dozed off again, ndothuka xa umnyango wam evuleka, but I was too lazy to turn around and check. The person, whoever it was, walked over to the curtains and pulled them open...ndaphandlwa. It was just too bright. But instead of yelling and whatever, ndavele ndazogquma qha. And then ezingubo ndizombetheyo zatsalwa nazo. I was so angry, Ndabe ndithukisa and sat up, only to find ba bisesisbhanxa singu Olwethu. Me: yinton igama lalento uyenzayo, Olwethu? Lwethu: Im saving you from drowning in your own tears. Me: ucelwe nguban? Her: you dont need to ask me, ndiyabona ba you need it. And you do... She made a face, ngathi yanukiselwa. Her: sies, khawuhambe uyohlamba. Me: ndzohlamba late. Her: no. Kuse mini. Go bath or take a quick shower, Ill make your bed so long. Me: noooo.... She pulled on my arm. Me: stop it, please. Her: listen to me. Sivuyile dumped you for whatever reason, but- Me: he said we arent compatible. Her: what?! Me: he said sifuna two different things... Her: Sindiswa... Me: he even told me uyandithanda but we cant be together because its not working.... Her: dont do this to yourself- Me: he kissed me, and I thought yonke into iright...but he just wanted a last kiss...he doesnt want me anymore Olwethu. Her: no, man- Me: its true... Xa ndingafunwa nguye, ndzofunwa nguban? He was my first boyfriend. He was supposed to be the best, too. Her: it doesnt always work out that way. Kodwa you need to stop doing this to yourself. Me: no, go away! I curled myself up again on my bed. Her: Sindiswa, just listen to me...please. I shook my head, the tears falling on my pillow. Her: it just wasnt meant to be. Me: it was meant to be... We were meant to be together, mna naye. Qha because I was childish, unfair, selfish and a jerk, things didnt work out. If it werent for that, ngesi right. Her: dont blame yourself... Its not your fault. Me: it IS my fault. You dont understand, Olwethu. Her: then make me understand. I shook my head. If I had told her ba I called umntana ka Sivuyile a thing she would have slapped me and then still gave me the lecture of a lifetime. Her: fine then...whatever. Phakama. Me: NO! Her: Sindiswa, phakama!!! I ignored her...then she pulled on my legs to the edge of the bed. I had to balance with my arms in order to avoid falling. Me: just. Go. Away. She let go. Her: okay, mamela. You say you and him were meant to be together, ne? I stared at her. Her: well, if thats he truth, then hell come back... I promise. Me: and if he doesnt? She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. I nodded, knowingly. Her: cheer up, buttercup. I held back a smile. Her: guys will always be there... Theyll come and go. But, a friend wont leave your side. A true friend wont leave you lying in a dump just because eyakhe iLife ihamba grand. And thats why Im not gonna do that to you. Because when youre not okay, Im not okay nam. You and I are like two halves of a whole. The other half always gets affected when the other isnt okay. Me: ncoo... Her: ewe nje, nyan. You know that. Since our friendship started, pain yomnye iviwa ngomnye. So, now, andifuni sive pain because its pointless. So, your first relationship didnt work out. Big deal! Theres still a lot more relationships to come and better guys out there. Sure, it seemed like Sivuyile was the ultimate guy, but it always seems like that until you realize the potential that the next person has. Now, dont get me wrong, Im not saying go around trying all the guys out there just to see which one is perfect. Ha.a. Ndithi mna qha uba a closed door means another open one. So, pick yourself up and carry on. Kamnandi we are still young, theres a lot of time ahead of us. Akho rush, mntasekhaya. Phola apha entloko wena and dont let him see the pain he caused you because kaloku bona bavuyiswa yilonto. Show him you can still be your own person, mbonise ba bungaxhomekekanga kuye for your happiness. Laugh and be happy so that idecision le ayenzileyo imtye and hell regret it. Andikufakeli pressure, just that it has been months uzivalela apha kanti ingxaki yakho yinto esimple kanje. I giggled. Her: nyan ketana. A guy should mess your lipstick, not your eyeliner. Once a tear of sadness leaves those beautiful eyes of yours, yazi uba he is not the one. Although being in love is not all roses, mayingade ifike kwi point yoba into oyenzayo kukukhala, ukutya no Lala qha. I love you, a lot ke futhi, and I dont ever wanna see you ruin your life like that again. Uyazbona ba uziyekelele njan phof? I looked down at my body. Bendimdaka man. I cant even find a word to describe how nasty I was...all because I had stopped taking care of myself ngenxa ye ndoda. I know I had done him wrong and part of the reason for the break up was me, but I was willing to make changes in my behaviour...he never gave me that chance. Lwethu: now, go shower..unxibe ube mhle...and show him what hes missing! I giggled and got up as she cheered for me. I undressed and went to shower...thinking of the amazing friend that I had...
Posted on: Tue, 07 Oct 2014 22:59:46 +0000
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