Chefs and there partners are always going to come into conflict when the subject of work enters the discussion. So I have compiled this for all my fellow chefs other halfs (and my own) to read and hopefully take on board- I have authored it in the eyes of a wife. Read and comment. Cheers Bry. I read in a magazine the other day that a head chef and his girlfriend split up. Can’t say Im shocked. The unsociable hours, the pressure. The shear physical and mentel demand on the chef and people treating your husband like the saviour and solution to every problem. Also being treated like a kitchen hand in your own home - it’s a hard life, I should know. I was married to probably the most flamboyant carasmatic and stubborn chef of them all. Chefs tend to need to have a lot of energy to thrive in the stress of a professional kitchen - and that’s what I found attracive, also the power adolation and passion that comes with the job. The first thing I learned about being a chef’s other half is that you have to deal with his chronically unsociable and often long unpaid hours, because the restaurant trade is anything but nine to five.There’s no such thing as a weekend. Christmas can be a washout because your other half doesn’t want to eat a festive meal when he’s just served it up to hundreds of diners. As for birthdays, in the whole time I was with my head chef we never once celebrated my birthday because he was too busy even to go out for dinner. And while we may have seen a lot of the world for work, we never had a holiday.If you’re married to a chef, he won’t finish work until at least 11pm and, even then, you can forget about him being home half an hour later. Chefs have to wind down from the stressful environment of the kitchen, which often means a drink - or three - with their colleagues. My chef and his staff were no different. Drink is a huge issue in the food industry. People use it to cope and relax. When your husband comes in at 2am and is up the next morning at 6am to get to prep ingredients and get a kitchen ready for service is it any wonder his wife feels resentful? You must also accept thatt most chefs are only interested in creating good food with the great ingredients and runningg a smooth service, this is an inbuilt all consuming passion. A social life is pretty much impossible when you’re married to a head chef. Husband and I were rarely invited to other people’s houses for dinner - who wants to expose their own cooking to aprofessional chef? Anyway, we never lived in one place for very long, so I gave up trying to plan anything. As for eating out - don’t even go there. For me, restaurants used to be such a wonderful treat, but with a chef it was a waste of time. He’d spend the evening criticising every dish to the point where I’d want to scream: ‘Shut up and just enjoy the food!’ But for a chef, a restaurant meal is a busman’s holiday. Grabbing a snack could be difficult, too. Husband and I were once in the countryside and were famished. We popped into a pub and asked for a ham sandwich, but the chef found out he was cooking another chechef and went to town making salmon and lobster. Hubby went mad, but the staff were only trying to impress a fellow comrad With the demanding hours, being married to any chef must be hard enough. When it’s a head chef, or even a kitchen Manager magnify that by a hundred. You become his rock and verbal punch bag. Women would throw themselves at chefs even in my presence, and I imagine that if you don’t trust your partner it puts an enormouse amount of pressure on a relationshiprelationship. Female staff would come up and ask him for a kiss and a hug. Men would shove me out of the way to say how much they admired him.It was hard, but I became resigned to it. I’d stand aside, keep my head down and try to stay calm and not take it seriously. Yet another area of conflict was finance. Most couples argue about money, but when you’re married to someone in the precarious food industry, where restaurants go out of business all the time, it causes lots of friction. Hubby was appalling with figures - like most chefs, he was only interested in creating good food with the most expensive ingredients. It’s so frustrating to watch as your husband is offered good advice from managers and accountants, but he ignores them. Stubbornness and a huge ego are two traits you’ll find in many chefs.Of course, our life together could be thrilling and exciting, too, and we had many laughs. Things about chefs are great intelligence and riveting humour even if it is slightly un pc. But would I marry a chef again? Yes yes and yes again, if you have the patience you will find in a chef great humanity and a solid person, a great family man and provider. But remember his time is owned by the paying public and that darned kitchen, not by you. THEY RARELY COOK FOR YOU AT HOME. Everyone always assumes that I have a magnificent home-cooked meal waiting for me all the time, but that is far from the truth. Why? Because a restaurant kitchen is usually a million times more fun to cook and experiment in. It often has high end gadgetry that you probably do not have (or can fit) in your home kitchen. Chefs are passionate about their art and they’re very serious about it. They show their emotions through food and they often use food to romance you. You’re in for a spectacular surprise on the few occasions your significant other cooks you a meal. EVERY MOMENT COUNTS (MAYBE A LITTLE BIT MORE). It’s so tough when they’re working nights and you’re working days that it can be difficult to find overlapping free-time you can spend together. I savor every rare little trip and outing with my husband — even grocery shopping. There was a period when we rarely saw each other, so much so that I would skip birthday parties and appointments to be with him. Id sit and drink with him at the pub he worked at after shift and then we would travel home TOGHETHER. It’s difficult for some people to understand, but we’ve learned to make it work. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” sure sounds cheesy, but a chef’s wife knows it is probably true. PATIENCE IS KEY, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE MARRIED TO A CHEF. I’m still figuring this one out myself. Things will come up at restaurants unexpectedly. It can be anything from a group of diners who came in late, rowdy patrons at the bar, or something in the kitchen took longer to prepare than anticipated. He might not be able to get home until 3 a.m., and considering how little I see him, it can be particularly frustrating. Things happen that are beyond your control and the only thing you can really do it be patient and wait. But realistically, who wants to wait around for someone all night? Remember, though: you might go to sleep alone, but you’ll wake up next to the person you love — and it’s worth it.
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 12:34:13 +0000
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