Chris Widener: Is there such a thing as a good fight? As much as we hate to admit it, we all occasionally have fights. We dont plan on it, thats not our goal for the day, it just sometime happens. So, that being said, back to my original question---is it possible to have a good fight? Relationship expert and founder of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University, Les Parrott, says YES! Here are some awesome thoughts Les shares on having a good fight. There is a huge difference between a good fight and a bad fight. Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington has done some great work on marriage and relationships. His research shows that he can predict with a 94% accuracy rate whether a couple will succeed or fail in lifelong love, based solely on how they fight. Not whether they fight or not, not what they fight about, not even how often they fight. Its how they fight, thats what is critical! Pretty fascinating right? The biggest difference between a bad fight and a good fight is the goal. Think about it, whats the goal of a bad fight? Its to win! You want to say, Im right, I told you so. A good fight is not about who wins or who loses, it is about a resolution. The topic of a bad fight is telling, we fight about whats on the surface, the silly stuff. In a good fight, we fight about the underlying issue, whats really going on and why do we feel emotionally threatened or neglected? A bad fight results in discord, a good fight results in harmony. So how do you have a good fight? You have to become aware of what the core of a good fight is. If you become aware of something, you can do something about it, right? It is easy to remember the core of a good fight, because it spells C-O-R-E. The C stands for co-operation. If you want to fight a good fight, you got to have a win-win attitude. You go nowhere if you dont. The O stands for ownership. You have to own your piece of the pie, this will go far in helping you fight a good fight. If you take part ownership, the other person wont feel solely responsible for the chaos. You say Ill own at least one slice, thats healthy! The R stands for respect. You cant fight a good fight unless you show some respect. In fact, one of the most toxic and destructive things we ever do in conflict is belittle the other person. The E stands for empathy. Empathy is the healing balm for every relationship. If all you did in the midst of conflict is accurately see the issue from the other persons perspective, all the tension dissipates, because that person feels understood. So, thats the core of a good fight, C-O-R-E, co-operation, ownership, respect, and empathy.
Posted on: Fri, 18 Oct 2013 11:25:48 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015