Church, communal living, marriage, and how they fit in my current walk... When I started on the revaluation of my spirituality in 2011, I was introduced to the concept of Christian communal living. I had never heard of this kind of community before and was intrigued by their basis in the manifestation of the church in the book of Acts. My studies and my walk led me to seek to live in this fashion and to find other Christians who wanted to do the same. In these communities Christians come together to pursue the spiritual disciplines through prayer, fasting, meditations, worship, & study. They also put them to practice in their interactions with each other, with the people who visit their home, with the people who they share the neighborhood, with the people who live in their city, & the people who they share the world with. In these communities one may find an ideal incubator for tempering oneself in the fruits like patience, self control, gentleness, & kindness and also a type of insulator from distractions & the toxic nature of the world around us. In this setting Christians are able to come together and agree on things to restrict from themselves for the betterment of not only themselves but of the community as a whole like. This is a very efficient way of life producing a familial bond that strengthens the unity that we strive for. This template was so appealing to me and I began seeking other Christians to help make this a reality where I was in Alabama. Even though I was acquainted with many Christians in that town from multiple denominational backgrounds I still could only find a handful that would even humor the idea of such a commitment. It disheartened me when they too turn their back on it after a short while to continue life as they had before being introduced to it. It became clear to me that I had two choices if I wanted to pursue this way of life: either move to a city where such a community already existed and join them or begin to live like this no matter where I found myself or whatever circumstances came my way. I chose the latter. It began in January of 2012 the week after my first attempt to pull together a house fell through. I condensed my belongings even more than I had in the months before to about a week’s worth of clothes, packed them all up in a trunk, & put that trunk in the trunk of my car. I used the last bit of my money to get a few non-perishable food items, other small supplies, & I moved in to my car. I resolved to remain homeless and unemployed until a job came my way that felt like Kingdom work and until a house could come together. It wasnt but about three weeks until, through a mutual friend, someone heard about what I was doing and being in a similar mindset decided to come and join me. So when he arrived in February we got a tent, a few other supplies, & went down the hill at midnight to a spot none of us had been before in the woods beside the church we attended at the time. Our mutual friend stayed with us for a week and after that he and I finished out another three weeks of monastic type living where we tried to embody the values that I have talked about previously. I left on St Patricks Day for Honduras and spent four weeks working with the orphans and poor there. The experiences I had there, as well as the many hours of study I was able to do in Scripture, changed my life. That is a story for another time. When I returned I found that my tent mate had become a couchsurfer on the other end of town and was working a job there; so I lived in the tent alone until the end of July. During this time I continued working with multiple churches efforts within our area including soup kitchens, seminars, camps, and even a pro bono week long construction trip to Antigua. All the while I continued my personal rituals, daily meditations, & readings; seeking God at all times possible and attempting to discern where this path was leading me. I knew that I was not to spend the rest of my days in a tent in the woods by a church in Alabama but, even after getting a job as a caretaker for the first time and finding a fulfilling vocation therein, money was not plentiful and other doors remained shut that could lead me out. I desired to return to Memphis, where I have lived multiple times in the past 10 years, but, having no job there and no money to pay for housing, I did not see a way. In July the opportunity opened to join the two previous brothers I mentioned in a house they were renting for a very good price. This situation was good for us but it was short-lived because doors opened, prayers were answered, & Memphis was now in my sights. I came back to Memphis in November on one promise, after having stated that if this were to happen I would follow, I was hired at a local caregiver branch but only as an on call employee with no assurance of hours. When I received this news my response was: “I began this year living in my car so if thats how I am to end it so be it.” Upon arriving I began couchsurfing for a couple weeks at different friends homes until I was invited to stay at a house of five of my friends. Even though I remained on the couch for almost two months my work begin picking up rather rapidly. Very soon after acquiring the first job I was also hired at another caregiver organization and between the two I worked many hours and built a reputation within both companies. By the end of my second month I had two regular clients and had upgraded from the couch to the pantry in the kitchen, an approximately 7x7 room. I must admit, I was very hesitant to move back in with this particular group of friends not because of condescension or air of judgment but because of the simple fact that our life paths were very different. I knew that the things that they pursued and valued were not the same as myself and I was worried that being in that atmosphere again might derail my progress. I soon found that I was right where I was needed when one of the brothers confessed to me through tears that he too did not feel in his heart this life was for him and he had longed for a voice like mine to be around him again. People would comment on my tiny room, in its simple yet unique layout of my worthless yet personally priceless trinkets accumulated over the years of my life and meager accommodations including a cot and a small table & chairs, as a calm amidst the chaos of the house. People would seek me out even in the midst of a party just to talk and I found new meaning to why Christ was always around those whom it seemed He should have been distant from. As I begin rekindling friendships I also found new ones and coming upon a cooperative house that I had known of in prior years I began getting to know the people living there. Imagine my surprise when there in the middle of many people I knew did not share my faith even in the slightest I began to find people who did, even some who had been inspired by many of the same individuals who had led me to pursue a cooperative lifestyle. This was refreshing in ways I cannot express but almost more so was the evidence of the same truths I had come to in study of the Christian scriptures within the non-Christian people around me. I began to see beautiful similarities in our worldviews and life choices even though different paths had let us to these discoveries. The thought that had driven me to pursue a personal monastic life in the prior year now took on new light as I observed my friends. I decided that if I could not find other Christians to live in the ways that I had originally desired then I would live as close to that way as I could within a community of unbelievers; for I had found that my presence was not just enjoyed but appreciated and, at times, very necessary. I brainstormed with many of these individuals for months planning, finding roommates, & discussing things like house rules and goals. After leaving the house I was in that July I moved into an apartment with 3 others as a temporary placement until we could find a house. It was not until February of this year that we were finally able to move into a house of our own and in the past month we have been taking baby step after baby step progressing towards what we had envisioned. At this point I bring up one of my roommates who is infinitely more than just that; Rhianna. We met in April of 2013 at a going away party for a mutual friend that was hosted at the house I was living in. We hit it off wonderfully from the beginning; sharing everything from our recent & current relationship struggles to our understandings of spirituality. We would spend literally hours just talking to one another about everything under the sun. We developed such an intimacy in those first couple months that was unparalleled to my previous experiences. During this time we both suffered the loss of death, even mirrored it, as a friend of hers was killed in a car accident and only a month or so later a friend of mine was killed in the same manner, almost a week later a friend of hers hung himself and the next week one of mine did, her grandmother passed away on my birthday and later that week my great uncle did as well, and we even lost our dogs on the same day. The comfort of one anothers empathetic understanding of our situations led us to such depths of love that neither of us had anticipated. She and I learned July 31st that we would be expecting child and instantly the typical questions were raised and we begin to contemplate them. The decision to keep the baby was instantaneous even if panic rose within us. The other social decision was marriage. In light of my family’s religious convictions it was expected of me to do this as making things right with God so that our new family would be blessed. It seemed everyone was asking when we were getting married. At the time Rhi was in her last year of college as well as both of us working, the question we were asking was when and with what money. Also both of us had our own convictions on how we would marry. Myself, having already been married for 3 years and then divorced, I was wary of jumping into such a commitment without being sure of the relationship; she having the idea to live with a person for 5 years in order to determine whether they could live together for longer as a married couple. Probably the main thought was when looking around at people who had gotten married because of an unexpected child we saw broken homes resulting from the shotgun weddings and the last thing we wanted our son to think once he was older was that we were only married because we had him. Instead we wanted him to know that his mother and father were together because they loved each other first and then loved him when he came along. We have even humored the idea of waiting that almost 5 years until Oliver can not only be in our marriage ceremony but remember it and possibly comprehend the gravity of such a commitment between two people and that it is not to be rushed into nor is it a God-bandaid to be slapped upon a situation thereby making everything ok. Be assured that it is not out of apprehension, lack of love, or absence of commitment that we are not yet married either by the state or in the eyes of God but because we understand what that commitment means and we want to give it as much thought an effort as we can. We also do not need such a label to be deeply and wholly committed to each other. No one person has ever been as patient, gentle, understanding, or forgiving of my faults, eccentricities, insanity, & and sins as Rihanna and I will be damned if I push her out of my life or into a decision she does not agree with because of a commandment whose point I would be violating by doing either. She may not share my faith in any way but I have never had a more encouraging voice when it comes to pursuing my studies or support in my efforts to put them into personal practice. Her ears are always open to my scattered thoughts and rambling rants she restores my soul even when it is only with a warm embrace. What a fool I would be to separate myself from someone who enriches my life with such beauty, grace, & love as many would have me do in light of our refusal to get married just yet when neither of us see that it would better our current situation. We love one another and our son and are dedicated to this family that we have started. I pull this back to my commitments to living communally and personal monasticism that even here, in the midst of people who do not share my faith including the woman who has borne our child, I am home, I am loved, & I am blessed. Though we do not share all the same convictions and understandings, which leads to distractions that I would otherwise have cut out of my life having recognized their toxicity in recent years, they are appreciative of my presence and perspective as well as considerate of my way of life. They have become my church for within them I see, hear, & experience God. The people who I surround myself with on a daily basis inspire and encourage me to continue on the path that I am on because I see how it enriches my life, my interactions with them, & they see Light within me; something that even I have great difficulty seeing at times. Their love for me in spite of my faults, for they see them on a daily basis, opens my eyes and my heart to love myself as they do, even more so as God does. I in turn reciprocate that love and exercise it upon my family so that I might better show it to the rest of the World. I have not renounced the church and someday I may find a congregation to which I will devote myself regularly but until that time I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. James Lee Gillim 7/9/14
Posted on: Thu, 10 Jul 2014 17:52:16 +0000
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