Confession #1844 ***PINK*** promise worth reading ni. .agwantahi lang ninyo ug basa. "Kahinumdum gyud ko sauna nga pirmi gyud namong lalisan sa akong uyab kung manglakaw mi nya pugson ko niya pasuuton ko ug something color pink (or anything basta shades of pink). Maglalis gyud mi magrambol and not even once nga nagsuk.ob gyud ko anang kolora. Ambot lng kung dala palagot ba gyud na iyaha. Taga birthday nako maghatag gyud na siyag something nga naay pink… hanky with pink designs, shorts nga naay pink gamay (gamay lng gyud) mga shirts nya naay pink bsta anything naay pink. Until one time, walay okasyson, she handed over to me a shoe box sized parcel and in it naay card with her handwriting on it, “I love you so much Amang, and I want you to open this only when the right time comes”. After reading it, nahibong gyud ko nganong ing.ato ang message and she just answered me her sweetest smile as always and again she reminded me “Please lang gyud Amang, I want you to promise me not to open that one until the right time comes.” Puzzled ko pero nitubag rapd ko niya, “okey amang I wont open this and I promise you that”. My girlfriend of 4 yours taught me a lot of things not any other usual girlfriend would want their boyfriends to do (dili pd ko sure sa uban,,hehe). Iya kong pahakoton ug tubig sa puso de bomba kanang pananglitan walay agas sa MCWD nya dili maka reserve, sugoon ko niyag palit suka, patis or lamas sa eskina kanang magluto siya sa ilaha, usahay kanang mangadto mis ilang probinsya pabugha.on ko niyag kahoy (tripping2x ra gud pero nice experience pd bisag sakit sa kamot and I remember how terrible I was with it,,,hahaha). Manguha mig mais sa ilang bukid nya isugba namo,,,nya tripping tripping pd mi murag mga amaw manakop ug lokton ug dragon fly, bahalag pamaakon mig mga insikto sa kasagbutan pero makaingon gyud ko lingaw to siya nga mga times. Nya kung anhi nami sa city kusog kaayo to siyang mangagda ug kaon ug pongko pongko, nya kanang mangompra mig pasil, tabo.an ug carbon,,,pagka na lng gyud, kung pwede palang pangayoon niya ang mga palaliton grabi kaayo manghangyo.ay. Bsta bilib gyud ko ato niya and for me she was the best thing that ever happened to me and she helped me in many ways I can’t imagine of doing myself alone. She was woman every single man would love to have. Our relationship was next to thing we called perfection. We’ve already introduced ourselves to our families and they were very accepting of us. Dili kalikayan naay away2x but we never came to a point of breaking-up. Despite our busy schedules, we managed to find quality times together and we make sure to always keep our emotions intensely flaming. Never a day gone by that we never said our “I love you’s” and yes, we were madly inlove. we’ve laid out our indifferences, and accept them to be part of who we really are and that helped us a lot in making our relationship even stronger. With all that’s been said, who would have thought that ours will never be one of those happy ever after love stories. But some things are naturally inevitable and no one can do anything to stop it. It was one weekend, Saturday, past 10AM, my phone rang and to my surprise it was her who was calling. I cannot remember her calling me early morning on weekends for the last 4 yrs saying that it’s my special day of the week (Saturday morning only). I picked it up and came to know that it was not her but her sister, GF sister: Goodmorning kuya, napukaw tika? Ako: Don’t worry it’s fine, taud taud nako nagmata, actually padong na gani ko diha sa inyoha ky nagsabot mi manglakaw sa imong ate, magpa check up mi kay murag taud taud na gyud na siya naay gpamati sa iyang lawas. Sauna rako sige ingon pa check-up dili jd siya. Maong karon among sabot,,,hehehe. Mata na siya? Paestoryaha ko palihug dai be. GF Sister: Ahmmmm, Kuya Carl kanang, kuan mn gud, natulog pa sige ate kay naglain daw iyang lawas, iya kung gsugo patawag nmu. Ako : Aw mao ba? Aw sige lang anhaon lng nako si ate nmu. GF Sister: Hmmm, Kuya Carl, ingon pd diay siya nga ugma nlng daw mo manglakaw, manawag ra daw siya nmu later inig mata. Ako : Ah ok dai, sige huwaton lng nko iyang tawag, naa siyay gi.inom tambal na? Gf Sister : Oo kuya gpa.inom nmn siyag medicines ni Mommy. Ako : Mas maayo hinuun, sige dai thanks for informing me, huwaton lng nko call sa imong ate. That day I kept my self busy but for whatever reasons I was feeling uneasy. Hangtod ni hapon na, wala mn ghapon koy tawag or msg nga na receive. I tried calling their landline pero sige ra ug ring. I’ve tried calling everyone on my phonebook from her family but no one picked up my calls not even a single SMS. I was alarmed so I decided to go to their place in Talamban. I got there very quick and rang their doorbell. My girlfriend’s younger sister opened the gate ug dili gyud ko kalimot sa iyang facial expression that night. Ingon ko, Ako : hi dai Goodevening, nianhi nlng ko kai na worry mn ko sa imong ate gud, msta nmn siya? Sister : Ay kuya, naa sa kwarto. Ako : Mao ba sige akong adtoon dai Sister : (with uneasy look) Ay kuya dli daw siya magpa distorbo. Ako : (Nikatawa pa ko) Pag sure oi,,,hahaha,,,sige na inday adtoon na nko si Ate nmu. Sister : Ahmmm kuya ayaw lng lageh adto.a kay kasab.an nya ko ni ate. Ako : (nisamot kog katawa) Haha, hadlok gyud ka sa imong ate,,, ayg kaguul akoy bahala nmu. Nya katawa ko nya padayon ug sulod sa ilang balay. While naglakaw ko sa pathway leading to their main door, kabantay gyud ko nga mingaw. So akong gilingi iyang sister and I asked her jokingly. “Sayoha gud nangatolog sa mga taw, maayo gani nagmata paka inday. Asa diay si Yaya Iseng?” Paglingi niya nidagan dayon siya padulong nko nya nigakos pag.ayo nya nagdangoy ngoy. Nahibong ko kung naunsa siya, abi nkog nahadlok sa iyang ate or nakasab.an ba. Ako pd intawng gigakos ang manghud sa akong uyab kay nagdangoy ngoy mn luuy kaayo tan.awon. Ako siya gpangutana and what I heard next was something I thought weren’t real. Sister : Kuya Carl, wala bitaw si Ate diha sa kwarto, they flew early in the morning to Manila. Ako : Huh? Manila? Nag.unsa mn sila didto? Nganong wala mn siya nisulti nko about ani. Sister : (Nisamot ug hilak nga nag bakho) kUya be strong lang Kuya kay love gyud kaayo kang ate. Ako : (naglibog na gyud ko) so I asked her,,, ngano unsay problema diay? Naa siyay laing laki? Laina sa imong ate dai oy,,, and it didn’t stopped my tears from falling because that was what I was thinking. Sister : Kuya Carl, wala mn lain boyfriend si Ate, promise, kuyog mn ni ate si Mommy, Daddy ug Kuya ilang g.ubanan si Ate. Ako : Aw kung walay lain boyfriend imong ate, nganong sige mn kag hilak then nganong moingon mn ka nko nga mgpaka strong inday. Sister : (Nikagos ug balik nko nga hugot kaau nya sigeg hilak) Kuya bsta love gyud kaayo kang ate, ug ni Daddy ug ni Mommy ug nako pd,,,, ikaw nlng tawag ni Mommy Kuya Carl, ako sa textan. Few minutes after, my phone rang and yes it was her mother. Tita : Hi Carl msta? Ako : Okey rako Tita pero nakahilak ko sa gisulti ni Baby (my GF’s sister). Wa ko kasabot pero naglibog ko nganong sige ni siyay hilak then balik2x ingon nga love daw au ko ni Chelsea (my GF) pero wala ko kasabot nganong naghilak gyud ni siya. Nabalaka gyud ko Tita samot pa nga nilarga diay mo sa Manila nya wala ngpahibaw nko si Chelsea. Tita : Carl, sorry kaau medyo dinalian mn gud. But don’t worry ako ug si Tito nmu . Ako : Si Chelsea diay Tita? Msta siya??? Tita : Ahm Carl, I’m really sorry for not informing you. Dinalian mn gud kaayo dong and then nihangyo mn pd gud si Chelsea nga dili lng ipasaba nmu. But don’t worry dong she’ll be fine with God’s grace. Ako : Tita wala gyud ko nmu gitubag, asa diay si Chelsea? Msta diay siya Tita? And then I broke up. I knew she heard me sobbing, and the next thing I heard was Chelsea’s mother crying along with me. Nisamot akong ka worry kay nganong naghilak iyang Mama and then she said. Tita : Carl, iho, as much as I’d wanted to tell you everything ganahan gyud unta ko makahibaw ka sa tanan pero gipasaad mn gud mi sa akong anak nga kung mahimo dili lang ka namo sultihan kay in time siya raw daw mosulti nmu and we trust her with that and I cannot break my promise to our daughter, lisud mn dong pero mangayo ghapon kog pagsabot nmu. Chelsea is sick, badly sick and no way we can talk to her these times ky gbawalan mi sa doctor. Pwerte nakong hibonga then wala jd hunong akong hilak that time, ask ko ni Tita ME: Badly sick? Unsa diay iyan sakit Tita? [While nag bakho2x nko that time ] Tita : iho I’m really sorry. (and she was continuously crying very very hard) Nisamot pa gyud kay si Baby hugged me from behind and she was there all along while I was talking to her Mom. Heart breaking, yes it really was and whenever I remember that moment, it always had me teary eyes. After a while, Tita calmed herself and spoke to me. Tita : Carl, iho, pagkalma na diha, and help us pray for her fast recovery. By the way she was conscious early afternoon then nisulti siya nga naa daw siyay letter para nmu naa sa iyang room. Pakuyog lng ni Baby sa room, naa ra daw gibutang niya sa music box sulod sa iyang closet. Tell my daughter Baby that Ate is fine and we will be home soon. Me : Sige Tita, amping mo diha and please ko tell Chelsea nga love kaayo nako siya then magpaabot gyud ko niya dri. Ingna siya Tita nga mag pray ko sa among favorite church, ingna siya Tita nga magpa.ayo, ingna siya Tita nga mokaon ug daghan para molagsik dayon ( and I was saying those things nga walay hunong akong luha sa agas) . I then said my goodnight to Tita. Si Baby intawn, walay hunong bakho then nagkagos ghapon nko from behind so ako na gi.am aman, para mohilom. It took us a while (me and Baby) to compose ourselves. Si Yaya Eseng pd diay nga nagpahipi ra, nagsige pd diayg hilak then gdalitan intawn mig tubig para makalmado. Although na ok ok na ko after a while, pero wala ghapon gyud ko kasabot nganong na ing.ato ang situation sa akong GF dghan kaau kog gustong pangutana, pero lain mn pd kaayog adto ko mangutana sa manghud sa akong GF nga si Baby, or sa katabang ba kaha dba? So gitarong nlng nko akong kaugalingon, nagpahuwas huwas sa ko sa akong hubag nga mata. I was about to leave their house when I remember what Tita told me about the letter Chelsea had prepared for me. So I asked Baby to come with me and check for that letter which we didn’t had a hard time finding and in it was written “Requested to be opened with privacy”. I took the letter, fold it and put it in my pocket then I said my goodnight to Baby and went straight home with a very heavy shoulder. I was lost of words to speak and it’s as if that time, I saw no one else’s face but her. I reached home and went straight to my room. I tried to stop myself from breaking down but I couldn’t, much worst I’ve had so many questions running in my mind. Sa kadaghan nakong g.huna huna wala ko kabantay hangtod nga nakatulog ko Brad. The following day, I went to church early and it was really painful to see myself all alone. Luha luha ko while nisulod sa church Brad but I kept myself strong. That day I prayed nothing else but for my GF’s fast recovery for whatever it was she went through that time. I spent quite a time that day inside the church ky murag sa nanghitabo, wala na koi lain nakita nga place of solitude to ease my pain, somehow. I then decided to leave the church but just when I was about to put my hanky inside my jeans pocket, I felt something was inside my pocket. I remember it was the letter my girlfriend had prepared for me. I pulled it out, nya wala ko khbaw sa akong gpamati that time brad, my hands were shaking and I knew it was not excitement at all. I decided to stay and looked for a nook where I could comfortably read the letter and yes it was no ordinary letter, it was her life story (ug ako gyud gihago.an ug type Brad, bisag taas). And this was what the her letter says: ================================================================ “Dear My Amang, It’s funny we came up with such a terrible endearment “Amang”. You know I’m not the girly type except for the pink thingy . Mag agik.ik gyud ko Amang kong magtan.aw ko nmu nga magkibot kibot imong ba-ba bsta maglalis na ta sa akong favorite color pero maka proud gyud ka promise coz I know that despite of it all, you managed to handle things a great good boyfriend will do to please his girlfriend. Well, Amang for me our endearment is something that words could not compensate for the kind of person you are to me, corny Amang but it’s true. Honesty Amang, I made this letter that very night I rejected your offer to marry me, months ago. I knew how much I disappoint you, but I was not looking at it that way. I was looking things in a different perspective and in a selfless way made known to you. I admit I was hurt, but I need to be strong, you need to be strong. And I was even more thankful that you kept your promise to keep those things only between the two of us. Im really sorry Amang, even if I was a disappointment but despite of it all it didn’t change a thing on you, your passion to make me laugh and make things easier for me and on top of it, your never ending compassion and love for me. And I know deep inside your heart, I did those things with honestly and sincerity. I assure you I have loved no one else but you. I assure you that next to my family, it’s with you I drew some of my strength and to boast, I had never been this strong my whole life that’s why I prefer to be selfish on some things that would surely lessen your strength, the way I say things. Forgive me Amang, if I had been selfish all these times but if I had to do it all through the remaining days of my life, I’ll do it to keep you from being hurt, because that’s the last thing I’m afraid of causing you. I love you my Amang and I really do and please be strong with what I am about to tell you and im really really sorry. Six years ago before we met, I was diagnosed with stage 1 colon cancer . With continues treatment I was able to recover real fast but the doctor had warned us of the greater possibility that one day it’ll come back and if it does we cannot do anything but accept whatever outcome it will bring us. It was devastating of course but with a family like mine, i learnt to live a more meaningful and positive life. I had kept myself ready and was expecting worst even a little earlier. But life brought me one real surprise and that’s you My Amang. I was happy my whole life but it had became even more worth living having you in it. You being “My Knight in Shining Armor” you being my Romeo and you being the man that I have always dreamt of having. If I have lived more than what my life expectancy should have been, I think it’s all because of you and I owe you big time my Amang. If you happen to be reading this letter, it means something’s not well with me and Im really really sorry. If you happen to get mad at me, I ask of you to look deep inside your heart and find that little spot where you can find that little amount of love you have for me all these times. My family and I have kept this secret from you because I don’t want you to worry nonetheless and it is for these reasons that whenever you wanted to bring me to a doctor, I always make excuses because I don’t want you to know all these things. I know I can’t keep all these things in secret and if time comes everything will be revealed to you I wish of you to keep loving me even for the remaining days of my life, and that I shall say a favor coming from a dying woman, your Amang Chelsea. I love you Carl and I really do. Thanking and loving you always, Amang Chelsea” -end of letter- ==================================================================== Having read the letter, it left me speechless and sobbing controllably real bad, huut sa dughan tinud.anay lng. Gusto kaayo ko mo syagit that time Brad pero wala koi lain mabuhat but to feel down on my knees and pray again and again. When I reach home everyone was so worried seeing those red bulgy eyes I was wearing. I told everything to my family and they felt really sorry for what I was going through. It’s comforting somehow I was with my family on that hardest time of my life. I was having a sleepless night that night and early on the following day I called Chelsea’s mother and told her Chelsea had told me everything through her letter. Tita cried and was continuously saying how sorry she was to have never the courage to tell me everything. I said it was fine, and even if it hurts so bad, I said everything will be fine. Tita told me that it might take them few months before they can bring back Chelsea home but she assured me she’ll keep me updated with every development. I was helpless, I really was pero wala mn pd koi mabuhat gyud so ampo nlng gyud ko kutob. I have been asking Tita if I could fly and see Chelsea but they stopped me from doing so. Gusto mn ko mo insist that time pero wala nlng pd ko namugos kay everday her mother would post Chelsea’s photo on facebook to keep me posted. It was hard pero okay rpd because at least Makita ghapon nako siya. Bisag nagkalisod na intaw siya, but she manages to show her smile whenever they took a picture of her. But from then on, I never got the chance to talk to Chelsea because she prefer things to be that way which I respect. One day I received an SMS from Tita saying “Hi Carl, we’ll be home on weekend and there will be a homecoming party for Chelsea, see you soon, Chelsea Misses you a lot and so excited to finally see and talk to you in person “ Walay kabutangan intawn sa akong kalipay that time. Then came weekend. Party started early. When I arrived I was amazed with how the place was decorated, in mostly pink colors. First time in my life nga na appreciate nako ang color. And it really had me teary eyes while I was ringing the doorbell. Tita open the gate together with Baby. When I get inside the house, I could not see one single being there who wasn’t wearing their smiles and on the living room I saw my Amang Chelsea seated on the wheelchair pretending to be strong even if she’s obviously not. Walking towards her was like having millions of angel carrying me to bring me to her, and it feels heaven. When she saw me, tears started falling in her eyes with her controlling her emotions. Everyone became silent and turned their eyes to me. I then stand in front of her, feel down on my knees and hugged her like I’ved never hugged her before. We embraced and we embraced real tight. She kept saying her sorry but my answer were my warm kisses, not a word but my warm kisses on her hands and on her forehead. Little did I know that everyone was weeping and I was not an exemption. A little later, one guy (ambot kinsa to) started clapping, and the next thing we knew, everyone was clapping and yelling, afterall, it was a celebration and not a day to mourn. Everybody said their well wishes to me especially to Chelsea and it was really overwhelming. I was seating beside her all throughout the party until visitors started to leave one by one. Night came and she needed to get rested. I send her to her room and placed her comfortably in her bed. She smiled and had asked if I could stay with her that night, beside her, cuddling her. And who was I to say no? That night for me was one the happiest day of my life, with her by my side, holding her skinny yet the most loving hands I have ever held in my entire life (consider my mother an exemption). Her body was very weak and had a hard time saying a word. When I asked her to rest, she softly asked me if we could still talk for few minutes, and I don’t want to disappoint her so I said “yes”. I only had only one thing to say to her that night and that is for her to be reminded of how grateful I had become for the joy of loving her. Then she started to say her lines, softly, slowly and in the most-heart breaking way…. Chelsea: If you think I had loved you enough, then I supposed you can easily forgive me for the terrible things I did not share with you. If I was selfish, that was because, I cannot afford to hurt you. I prefer to be strong because I want you to remember me to be that same brave woman who punched your face almost five years ago when you unintentionally bumped at me because you’re were not looking on your way and that tea drink I was holding spilled all over me. (she smiled dala bugal bugal) When I rejected your proposal to marry me, it was not because I don’t love you or I wasn’t ready yet, as I was telling you then, It was because I know this day is coming and I want things to be much easier for you to move on. (then she started crying). I’ve spent countless night crying over that decision but I know I’ve made the right one. I was not thinking of letting you go and I won’t do that whatever it may cost me because that’s how much I have loved you. But let me still say my sorry for disappointing you and I mean that. I stopped her and said: You did no wrong and trust me Amang, it didn’t change a thing kung unsa tika ka love. Kinhanglan ka magpa.ayo para manga.on tag pungko-pungko (I was caressing her hair and wiping her tears that time). Or kung gusto ka mag bring home kog mga pongko pongko para dungan ta kaon everyday, Okay ran mu? (my voice was breaking then). Nya kinahanglan gyud ka magpaayo ha kay adto ta sa unahan naa mn balilihan didto,,, manakop tag lokton ug dragonfly pero kung dili pa nmu makaya ako lng manakop tan.awa lng ka ha? Okay ra nko bsta malipay lang ka,,,nya bisag naay agas ang MCWD hakotan ghapon tikag tubig nya palit kog kahoy sa taboan, nya magbugha bugha ghapon ko ky khbaw ko malipay mn ka magtan.aw nko bahalag magkalisod ko nya dili nko magkig awa nmu bisag unsa pa imong ipasuk.ob nko bsta magpakaayo lng gyud ka Amang, okey? (It was as if I was talking to a little girl and I didn’t notice my tears were falling no matter how I’ve tried to control them. I managed to calm myself no matter how painful it was for me to see her pretending to be okay even if she’s not. She asked me to stop and said,,,,) GF : What if I can’t make it anymore? (and that’s when I started to breakdown) ME: Ayg sultig ing.ana Amang, kaya na nmu, kaya ni nato, dghan pa baya tag plano dba? (she smile and said) GF : I can’t promise you forever but I can give you your freedom to live a happy life but this time with someone else (and that made me sobbed real hard). ME: Amang I’m not giving up on you, so please stop saying that, I’m not losing hope and I know kaya ni nmu dba? Please stop pushing yourself away from me ug ayaw ko ipanghatag Amang, laina nmu Amang oi,,, d mn na mao atong sabot dba? GF : (she just smile and said) Wala mn pd ko niingon nga kron dayon mangita ka. I would still want you to be here and love me like you used to until im gone, mao ra na akong hangyo nmu. (hinay kaau iyang pagsulti ani nga mga words) ME: Unsa nmn ka Amang oi, bati.a na nmug sinultian. don’t say those things please. Don’t leave me please. (and I was crying real hard that time kay mura na siyay nanamilit nko, wala ko sakiti sa iyang gsulti nga mura nakong ghatagan niya ug freedom mas nasakitan ko nga nag huna huna nga one day I’ll woke up and I’ll be half a man I dread of becoming for losing the woman who means so much to me) GF : (in a very soft voice she said) unsa mn ka Amang oi, im not leaving you, I just thought nga mas sayo lng gyud akong time. and since you are young, you could always find that woman who will love you like I do or perhaps who can love you more than I can. ME : Dili lageh, dili lageh, dili lageh, please don’t say that Amang. GF : Sa akong adtoan nga lugar kahbaw ko happy ko kay dghan kaau ga love nko : ikaw, ako family ug mga friends, but this time I gusto ko nga ikaw npd ang ma happy and if you promise me that, I’ll be really really happy. So can you promise me to be happy when im gone? (and her fragile skinny hands were caressing over wet cheeks while iya kong gitotokan pag ayo) ME: please please please, don’t say that, please lng Amang. GF: Please answer me, will you promise me to be happy when I’m gone? ME : I cant, I cant, I cant. Please stop this. GF: I can’t stop until I hear you promise, please? I don’t want to prolong the conversation, so I said what she had to hear. And no matter how painful it was. I need to say it as if they’re true even if they were totally fake words and I said “Okay Amang I promise”. We rested for the night with so much uncertainty what’s gonna happen next. Luckily days passed and I got to visit her every day after work and I usually spend my weekends with her family. And that has been my routine for quite a few weeks. Kana ganing hopeful pa kaayo ka nga ma okay ang tanan but the sad truth is that you are just waiting for that awful day to come? Kana ganing you pretended to be okay when the truth is you are nearly giving up? Kana ganing ingnon kag “be strong, kaya na nmu”, “don’t forget to pray”and all other nice stuffs,,,,, But what else can I say Brad? I think those thoughts and pampering words somehow gave me a positive outlook in life and shall I say at least, it made a difference somehow to me. Then one day, my company had to send me abroad to Macau for a 4-day business summit. It left me no choice being the company’s legible representative for that said summit. Of course I had to say all those things to Chelsea and her family. Didn’t thought it’ll be the last time im gonna see, hold and kiss her. Much worst the next things that happened were totally out of this world and I can’t explain myself. ME: Amang, I’ll be gone for four days but I’ll be back okay? GF: Okay, but just be here real soon ha? (and for whatever reason she was holding my hands real tight and then nagsugod ug tubod ang luha sa iyang mata, and I said) ME: Hey whats wrong, 4 days rmn na, I’ll be back rmn dayon, work mn gud, para sa atong future (then she held my hiands even tighter and said) GF: Im very lucky to have you and I couldn’t ask for more. Thank you gyud Amang. ME: I should be thanking you Amang okay? Kihanglan inig balik nko himsog naka ha? Naa kay ganahan akong dalhan inig balik nko? GF: Nothing, just be back real real soon. ME: Ah okay Amang, but just in case you need anything, ingna lng ko. I then kissed her lips and forehead and gave her a tight warm hug. But it was no ordinary hug because it took her quite longer than usual to let loose of me and I think that was the most passionate hug ever gave me. And finally I said my goodbye. My first two days in Macau went pretty normal and of course I have to constantly call and SMS and check on my girlfriend status. On the third day was a little weird, when I came from the conference, my hotel room was already cleaned up, except for my stuffs, I went to the washroom it was all clean up as well but what caught my attention were the face towel, body soaps and even the liquid handwash, were all in “shades of pink” and I said “grabe asta dri” . That’s pretty much it nya wala lng pd nko kaayo g.hatagan ug attention Brad. I went to bed a little late coz I need to pack my things. The room was so silent so I decided to put on a song from my mobile. When I open my playlist the last song that was played was even one of my GF’s favorite “Ikaw lang ang Mamahalin – by MN. So I played it again and again and even sang along with it while I kept my self busy packing my things up. While I was singing again and again along with the song and trying to understand the lyrics it was when I came to realize it’s meaning and I remember nganong mo insist gyud siya nko even before to listen to it and actually it was her who downloaded it on my mobile and I remember long long time, it was her who played that song on my mobile long long time ago when we were chilling by their living room one rainy daylight. It made me think over and over nganong wala ko kabantay nya. Nanglimbawt akong balhibo nya wala ko khbaw sa akong gibati nga mura kog kahilakon nga unsa ba to. As much as ganahan unta ko manawag pero late nmn gud it was around 1AM na so sure ko sleep na sila ato. But I was really feeling uncomfortable that night. So i finished packing as fast as I could, dress up and went the the bar inside the hotel to have few drinks just to make me feel asleep. I’ve had just enough drink and went back to my room and retired for the night. Next thing that happened was totally mind blogging,,, Who would have thought I’ll be dreaming of her that night. Who would have thought that even in my dreams she’ll say her last goodbye to me. I cant remember very well my entire dream but I remember few few conversation from it and it goes this way,,, “In my dream I saw a woman in silhouette white dress, everything was in white except for that thing she was bringing, it’s some sort of a box that was wrapped nicely. At first, I hardly recognized her because her face was glowing and she was well built healthy and she looks very happy,but by the moment she was getting closer and closer she appears to be my girlfriend Chelsea and it shocked me nganong nag.suk.ob siyag ing.ato nya nganong lagsik kaau siya. kahinumdum ko sa akong damgo ako siya gpangutana, “Amang nganong ing.ana mn imong sinuk.oban, naayo naka? Maayo hinuun” she smiled and handed over to me the box and said “imo nmn ni gkalimtan akong gift maong g.remind tika” I remember I asked her again “asa ato nga gift?” she said “bsta makahinumdum raka and pwede na to nmu ablihan nya gamita to ha inig bisita nmu nko” and to my surprise she hurriedly said “moadto nko ha? Una lng ko nmu (she smiled and then walked away and vanished). And what made me woke up was my constant yelling at her again and again nga “huwata ko , kuyog ko nmu”. Grabeh ka kusog sa akong kulba, wa ko kasabot kung nganong ing.ato akong damgo so I called up Tita kay medyo buntag nmn pd to around 6.30AM. I asked how Chelsea’s condition and Tita said she’s fine although weak nlng gyud. So I was relieved then but that feeling of uneasiness was with me all throughout that morning. In the middle of the conference late afternoon around 4PM I excused my self ky murag wala na gyud ko kasabot sa akong gbati kulba nga namugnaw, so I went straight to the patio situated outside of the bldg and got myself a coffee and lit a cigarette to at least calm myself down. I was walking back and forth when I came to see all those grasshoppers and dragonflies, some of which were even trying to get close to me then suddenly I remember what I dreamt early that morning and I was thinking of that box Chelseas handed over to me. I hardly can remember where I placed it because it was nearly a year ago but I know it was in my room or maybe our househelper kept it somewhere else. Just after I thought of that box, I heard a message alert tone from my mobile so i checked it, it was Tita and her message said “Call me once your fee, it’s emergency”. Just as soon as I finished reading the message, I called Tita and had told me that Chelsea was rushed to the hospital early this morning after I made the call, and just few minutes ago she has passed away and before she passed away Tita said that Chelsea kept saying my name and to open the box. I put off the phone and was speechless Brad, kalit lng ug tulo akong luha nga wala ko kasabot. Having heard that sad news was like I was being hit with a knife over and over. I sat on the bench, sobbed and helpless. Mao diayng dghan kaayo ug mga lokton ug dragonfly that time to remind me on one of the happiest day of my life back then kay mao na diay to ang time ang akong gkahadlokan and will surely make me the weakest person that I can ever be – losing my girlfriend. I remain sited and was crying hard, shortly after a Caucasian woman around mid 50’s approached me and offered me a glass of water. She was asking if I was fine because she was worried to see me that way. I said I wasn’t fine at all that I had told her what happened. She felt sorry and I could feel that. She even asked me if there’s any way she could helped me. I said I’ll be fine and thanked her somehow. I didn’t go back to the meeting room, I just informed one of my buddy what had happened and I went back straight to my hotel room and packed my things and checked for the next available flight. Unfortunately, I have to wait for my scheduled flight which is happening the following day only as what my flight was already arranged beforehand. Everything came very fast, nga bisag ako makaingon gyud ko nga bisag nakapangandam nko, nakalitan gyud ko ato nga time Brad. Ug ang feeling before nga ako pa lng ghuna huna nga maabot ni nga time ug ang feeling nga naabot na gyud mismo ang time lahi ra gyud Brad Mat. Kay sauna kung ako pa lng huna hunaon, naa pmn koi Makita nga mga options and means to be spending quality and memorable times with her but that time, im helpless as hell gyud. Time has already draw the line for her and for the two of us and what’s next to happen will be full of uncertainties and doubts. I was never sad my whole life. And I don’t know what exactly to do that time. I can’t even speak a word. Then came my flight and finally came back to Cebu went straight home, changed my shirt and hurried myself out. Everyone was in the living room, my Mama, Papa and and 1 brother and 1 sister. They tried to stop me and from the look in their eyes I know very well how much they had wanted to console me that time. I just said I need to go and I’ll be back very soon. I was about to leave the door when my Mama said, “wait son, I was cleaning your room the other day and I saw this box nicely wrapped under your bed together with your other shoe boxes. Abi mn gud nkog box lng naka wrap mn diay nya murag wala pmn pd ni naablihan, wala mn gud name so I was thinking para imo ni” Literally I was shocked, and had asked Mama where was that box, she then grabbed it underneath the center table in our living room and to my surprise it was that same box nga akong nakit.an when I had that strange dream the other night, exactly the same box and only then I remember what she said nga ablihan lng daw nko when the right time comes. To be honest nangurog, nakulbaan ug nanglimbawt akong balhibo Brad pero wala ko nahadlok, it was as if someone was embracing me that time, luha luha na akong mata so naworry na akong Mama so she asked me to stay for few minutes and had asked me to open the box kay nganong murag nangurog daw ko. So I them my story and they were really paying attention to what I told them. There was still moment after that. My father only has to say “You can make it son, in time you’ll be fine” and left the living room while my younger sister and brother got nothing to say but with that awful look in their faces, I knew they were with me that time. Mama had asked me to open the box and I opened it,,,,,,,,,,,,,, it was a polo shirt, but it was no ordinary polo shirt, it was a PINK POLO SHIRT. Holding that thing with my bare hands even reminded me of how terrible I had been to my girlfriend way back then. Nakahilak ko atubangan sa akong Mama ug mga igsuun brad and I can’t help it. Gikagos ko pag.ayo sa akong mama nya akong mga manghud intawn tabang ug am.am nko. Tikasan kaayo siya Brad kay mao diay iyang gtuyo wala paablihi ug sayo ang box. Tikasan kaayo siya Brad kay khibaw gyud siya nga kung moabot ang time nga makahibaw ko unsay sulod ato nga box mao pd diay to ang time nga dili naka makaako ug pakig.away niya or dili na siya makadongog nga magbagotbot akong baba nya dili na ma drawing akong nawng sa kalagot samtang siya lipay kaayo. That time nakaingon gyud ko nga even for the last days of her life she constantly reminded me of how she had loved me all these time kay iya ghapon gpangbuhat ang mga butang nga like she used to to annoy me cause I know that will make her happy. Hilak kog taman Brad nya sulod kog balik sa kwarto nya g.sundan kos akong Mama. I decided to wear that pink polo shirt and while I was putting it on grabeh ang flashback tanan sa among mga moments and memories while Mama was just standing beside me tapping at my back and cried along with me. I said to my Mama “Ma khbaw ba ka sauna while pasuk.obon kog ing.ani ni Chelsea maglalis gyud mi Mama, pero karon I’ll wear it with pride coz I know this will make her real happy and I want nothing else for her but to be happy bsag wala na siya. Sakita Mama oi, I don’t know how soon can I recover from this. Tabangi lng ko ninyo Mama ha? I thought kaya ra nko pero dili mn diay”. And it was damn painful, really painful Brad. For the longest time dili baya kaayo ko mag.open up sa akong Mama about personal stuffs but that time, Mama was comforting me like her little baby boy and I really found comfort that time on her shoulder. Wala nay mas sakit Brad pero ing.ana gyud siguro ang life, then I asked Mama nga moadto nko, and maybe seeing my situation she asked to go with me to Chelsea’s house. We arrived at her wake. Everybody was wearing their mourning attire, some wore black while other wore white. Upon seeing me everyone became tong-tied. Not sure if because I was Chelsea’s girlfriend or because I was wearing that pink polo shirt she gave me. Mama was holding me very tight while we walking towards Chelsea’s coffin, then Tita and Baby saw me and from the look in their eyes, I knew they have been cry also. I embraced Tita and baby very tight and that made all of us sobbing including Mama. I went near Chelsea’s coffin and breakdown, lami kaayo gakson ang patayng lawas niya Brad even for the last time but I was helpless, so the least I could do was to embrace her coffin and cry and cry. Nothing came out from mouth, I was totally speechless nya mura gyud kog gamay bata nga naghilak ato. And just when I regain my thoughts, I composed myself and remained standing infront of her coffin. I tried talking to her in a very soft voice but I was a failure, everybody I guess heard what I said while I was continuously crying,,, ingon ko. “Bati.a nmu Amang oi namiya na gyud ka nko, ingon baya ko magpaayo ka kai dghan pa kaayo tag buhaton,,, adto pa ta sa inyong province, laag2x ta,,, awa oh ako gani gsuk.ob imng ghatag nko,,,tikasan gani kay ka kai karon pa nmu gi.paablihan nko nga dli nko maka reklamo nmu,,, pagsug.ob nko aneh Amang wala na gyud ko nagbagotbot,,,sos kakita unta ka nga angayan kaau ko” Saying those lines Brad kay mura gyug gikomot komot akong dughan si Tita, Mama ug Baby pwerteng am-am nko and then I realized everybody was crying as well. That was hell of a night Brad and I know I can’t forget that night in my entire existence. And guess what, on the day of her burial, everyone was wearing a color that Chelsea loved mosed – PINK. And from the look on everybody who were there that time. I could say they were happy for Chelsea as well. It took me more than a year to really moved on. Lisod but I tried because I know that’s what Chelsea had asked me to do. Finally I met a new woman who is somewhat similar to her. I told her my story and she was even humbled to have me shared with her something that should only be mine and Chelsea’s and she accepted everything that I was and have loved me in a way that I can happily move on with my life and live it in a different perspective : full of love, more love and endless love. We got engaged and got married and now she’s five month’s pregnant with our first child - a baby girl whom we agreed to be named after my ex-girlfriend Chelsea." #repost College of Engineering
Posted on: Thu, 03 Oct 2013 09:22:47 +0000
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