Confessions of a Pastors Wife This morning I realized something about myself that was discouraging to me. I am not superwoman. Really? I am needy. Emotional. Not as strong as I like to think that I am. Let me explain. Yesterday, we told the church about Dustys diagnosis of a malignant tumor in his colon. Im not allowed to say the c word, but saying this is actually harder for me than the other. It was a relief to get it all out in the open. Yes, I am being careful that I speak only positive, Life affirming and Biblical words about him. And OVER him. The church family responded exactly as I thought they would. Such love and compassion. I was so comforted to know that this diverse group of people would stand and join us in this fight and go through it with us. There arent enough words to really express what that means to us. The storms come. Thunder and lightning. I love it because its real and I can see it. Let it rage. I stand at my back window and look at my wilted flowers and mayhem in the flower beds. The overturned umbrella. All my hard work planting and tending to my sanctuary in the back yard. Sigh. Let it rain. I dont care. I go back and forth with my emotions of being angry at the enemy and hating this present darkness, to standing firm, with amazing Grace and Faith. One minute I am speaking encouragement and strength, and then I turn around and have to hide my dread and fear of the treatment and what Dusty will have to endure. Abba Father, I need your Shalom. All I really know is that the sun will come out again, and lift the heads of the flowers in my garden, and everything will be refreshed and green and so beautiful. And I will continue to toil in the dirt, and plant, and sow seeds, and dream of an easier day ahead. Meanwhile, I hold fast to the hand of Jesus, and keep moving. Day at a time, step by step. I really, really do Trust Him.
Posted on: Tue, 27 May 2014 13:58:47 +0000
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