Confrontation Inbox x Steve & Cindy Wright Oct 20 (2 days ago) to Marriage Marriage Message #274 - Confrontation Who in the world enjoys confronting someone when theres a problem? Not either one of us --thats for sure! And from people we talk to, there arent too many others who do either. But what do you do when you have a problem and you NEED to confront your marital partner? Did you notice that we said marital partner? We emphasize that because thats what were supposed to be in our marriages. Were supposed to interact with each other as no longer two but one flesh being united in how we conduct ourselves in our married life, not acting in ways that separate our marital unity. (See Matthew 19:4-6 and Mark 10:7-9.) The biblical principle comes to mind to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. So, how would YOU want to be confronted if you were doing something you shouldnt be doing? You (just like us) would probably want your spouse to be as gentle as possible. You may not LIKE to be confronted or to confront, but if it needs to be done, at least be gentle about it and allow the spouses dignity and feelings to remain intact (to the degree they can be). Its ironic that WE would want to be treated in a gentler manner, yet many times when WE confront our spouse we can be harsh and blunt about rationalizing. Well, they deserve this because they hurt me! The Bible tells us that The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil (Proverbs 15:28). Our words may not be evil but are they kind and compassionate (as we would want our spouse to be to us)? Were also told in the Bible, A wise mans heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction (Proverbs 16:23). A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control (Proverbs 29:11). When you do confront, remember: Dont let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that they may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29). Make sure what you say will benefit your marriage and your spouse. Ask yourself, What difference will this thing were fighting about make in ten years? In one year? In a month? If it will make no difference, then consider if its even important enough to bring it up. But if youre sure its important to confront your spouse about a particular matter, remember that the Bible tells us, a gentle answer turns away wrath. That can also be true in how we approach confronting our spouse over a matter. If we come in with both guns blazing, well usually only succeed in getting shot back. But if we soften our approach, speaking the truth in love our spouse will have more of a tendency to be receptive to listen and interact in a productive way. Also remember: -- Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18). -- While its critical to find the truth about issues affecting your marriage, relationship is always more important than issues. You are partners, not prosecutors. That partnership doesnt end when you discuss sensitive topics. (Rob Jackson) Love aims at unity. -- Never let the problem to be solved become more important than the person to be loved. (Barbara Johnson) -- You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice. (Emerson Eggerichs) -- Lastly, the following is something that relationship expert, Gary Smalley, had posted on his past web sites. This advice might better guide you when you confront your spouse: 1. LEARN TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS THROUGH THREE LOVING ATTITUDES: warmth, empathy and sincerity. These are common words, but what do they mean? Warmth is the friendly acceptance of a person. Empathy is the ability to understand and identify with a persons feelings. Sincerity is showing genuine concern for a person without changing your attitude toward him when circumstances change. 2. LEARN TO SHARE YOUR FEELINGS when angry or irritated without using you statements and instead replacing them with I feel statements. 3 LEARN TO WAIT UNTIL YOUR ANGER OR FEELINGS of irritability have subsided before you begin to discuss a sensitive issue. No one likes to be criticized, regardless of how much truth lies behind the criticism. Whether we are male or female, six or sixty, when someone corrects us, we automatically become defensive. Yet honest communication is vital to any relationship. These two basic truths appear contradictory. How do you honestly tell the one you love about something you find displeasing or aggravating without prompting, that familiar, defensive glare or indifferent shrug? Lord, help me to express myself in such a way that my loved ones knows deeply of my love and care. ................................ To help you further with this issue and other communication problems you may have, search around our web site at marriagemissions and see what we have posted that you can use. We even have a list of Scriptures on communication in the Communication and Conflict section of our web site, which you may want to go through together. We hope this will help and bless your marriage! Cindy and Steve wright
Posted on: Tue, 22 Oct 2013 09:04:43 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015