Counterpoint Bullshit, Jesus, Those Are Obviously My Footprints By Jim Steinhauer Sorry to have to break it to you, Jesus, but those are obviously my footprints. Look closely. See how those footprints have that wavy tread pattern on the bottom, just like my docksiders? If they were yours, theyd make a sandal mark, like the footprints next to mine a little farther up the beach when I was going through better times. See the footprints at the time of my divorce? Youll notice that the sandaled footprints drift off from the docksider ones. They lead to that picnic bench over there, the one with the cigarette butts scattered all over. It appears that in my darkest hour, instead of carrying me, you sat on a stump and had a couple of smokes. Real helpful, Jesus. Real helpful. Sure, the sandal footprints came back when I got that big job promotion, but right at the point where my son Tommy died, they veer off again. Actually, now that I look again, it seems like theres an unusually large distance between each of the sandal-wearers footprints around the time of my sons death, as if the person were actually running away. Im sorry, Jesus, but your whole story about carrying me during my worst moments just doesnt gibe with the facts. Besides, youd certainly think a person would remember being carried by the Son of God, right? Thats a pretty memorable thing, wouldnt you say? Well, either Ive got amnesia, or youre a liar, because I dont recall ever being toted around by the Messiah. The only thing I do remember about my worst moments on the path of life is the horrible feeling of plodding along the cold sand all alone while icy rain fell in sheets and chill winds assailed me. So thanks, Jesus. Thanks a bunch. You were really there for me when things got tough. Asshole.
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 02:02:24 +0000
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