DEADBEAT MOTHER: Important Lessons in Life. JW was born in Nakuru County 28 years ago just after her mother GN had just completed secondary school. GN was later admitted to a Teacher’s Training College (TTC) and left the 10 month old JW in the custody of her grandmother. GN abandoned little JW and never visited her at all during all her years in college. After completing her studies at the TTC, GN was employed by the TSC and posted to a school in Eastern Province. She refused go back home to look after her baby. JW was brought up by her Shushu/grandmother and she did not know who her mother was until she was in Class 2. When JW turned 11years old and had joined Class 5, her mother GN came home one day with two other younger children and introduced them as a brother and sister to JW. The mother also informed JW that they would go to another “home” together. JW was transferred to a school in Eastern Province where her mother taught and that is when she learnt her mother had gotten married to a man known as BK. The mother never introduced JW to the man but after 3 weeks in that home, BK demanded that JW should call him father/dad. He also resorted to physically assaulting; caning and pinching the little girls any time she made a small mistake. He would shout and scold her all the time. The mother would support him and pinch the child too claiming that she was disrespectful to her husband. When the beatings became unbearable, little JW ran away and went to her Shushu’s place. She was taken back to BK’s home by her grandfather who told BK that if he was not ready to look after the young girl, he could let her go back to her grandparent’s home in Nyeri. To avoid the violence and scolding, young JW would beg money from neighbours and run off to her grandparents each and every holiday. The beatings only stopped when JW was in class 7 and after her grandfather put his foot down. Interestingly the mother who had abandoned the little girl for 11 years never protected her against the physical violence meted out on her by the step-father. JW passed very well in her KCPE and was admitted to a National School. Her step-father refused to buy her new uniform and insisted that she goes to school with second-hand uniform. BK would scold and use very hostile language against the young girl every holiday session. The teenage girl suffered serious loss of self-esteem and by Form 2 she begun the search for her biological father. The mother GN refused to volunteer such information but by Form 3 GN was reunited with her biological father. The biological father told JW that he did not marry her mum due to a longstanding conflict between their families who are next door neighbours. He was understanding but did not want to intervene lest he was accused of interfering with another man’s home. This gave JW momentary peace but became a new source of dispute with her mother GN who claimed the girl was showing disrespect to her husband. Due to the hostility she suffered at home, JW did not perform her best in high school but she still managed a good grade and was admitted to University. She graduated in 2011 and recently got a job in one of the Counties in Rift Valley. JW does not go to her mother’s home and they cannot engage in a decent conversation. JW also avoids every social or family function where her mother is in attendance. The mother is very hostile to any relative who is friendly to GN and only calls her to demand money for one thing or another. Consequently GN has become reserved and withdrawn from people and can hardly trust men. JW finds it very hard to forget and forgive her mother for abandoning her for 11 years and failing to protect her from her step- father. NB: GN is currently receiving help and therapy to help her deal with psychological trauma and resolve issues relating to her past history. She is a friend and agreed to share this story with this group to disabuse the notion that it is only men who are deadbeat parents. This is a true story with important lessons which I will share here in due course. From Captn Collins Wanderi
Posted on: Mon, 15 Sep 2014 17:02:33 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015