DO THESE 4 THINGS BEFORE DIVORCING A NARCISSIST When you first express to your narcissist your desire for a divorce, he may first appear cooperative. He may suggest marriage counseling (despite years of you begging for it), but because its his idea, he agrees that it might help. He may calmly discuss separation, allowing you to call the shots and make suggestions on new living arrangements. But his friendly candor is all just a ploy to keep you within his reign, hoping that your guilt and your silly momentary lapse of reason will make you back out. But if you press on and file for divorce, its game on. He will make you pay. So before you hit the go button, be sure to: 1) Find an attorney who is NOT a narcissist: How can you tell? Narcissists have little empathy for people who are victimized, especially in a marriage. If your attorney seems apathetic to your issues, and you find them defending your spouse more than supporting you, thats a red flag that they will ultimately find you pathetic and fight little on your behalf. 2) Set up your own bank account: If you dont have one already, create an account that has enough money that can pay for attorney fees and other divorce expenses. When the divorce process begins, be prepared for your narcissist to move money, and claim there is none to give you. 3) Become your own forensic analyst: Get copies of past bank statements, capture every bank account number you have, get copies of past tax returns (you can easily get these online), investigate your shared computer records including spread sheets, online transactions, etc. 4) Define what winning is to you: fighting over assets in divorce can be an uphill battle that is never won. But as Rosenberg puts it, To win, is to get out of the divorce alive. A narcissist can be willing to go completely bankrupt just to destroy someone. Objectively look at the disorder, outside of your emotions, and then come to a conclusion, what can you actually win? If you remember the focal point of his narcissistic injury -- his fear of abandonment and threat to his self-worth -- you will be well-prepared for the battle ahead. The key is to not respond emotionally and let it drain you. Observe, dont absorb, advises Rosenberg, which means to observe their behavior as a disorder, and dont absorb it as a literal or personal attack on you. If you mitigate for his drawn-out narcissistic rage, and know that he may attempt to destroy you, you will less likely feel bullied or defeated. If youre forewarned, says Rosenberg, like a hurricane ready to create disaster, you will be less victimized by something you expect. From: huffingtonpost/lindsey-ellison/how-to-divorce-a-narcissist_b_6250368.html
Posted on: Sun, 07 Dec 2014 13:44:40 +0000