DONT WORRY...NO NEED TO LOOK...IT...WILL FIND YOU I miss the taste of a sweeter life...I miss the conversation...Im searching for a song tonight...~Maroon 5 ;)~ Searching...it seems that over the years of my life I have had many different adventures when it came to trying to find things...Its funny how I am laughing at myself now about it all. Did I ever find what it was that I was looking for? Did it find me? Or did they both come together through no work of my own? Or....Am I still looking, searching, and locked into a futile battle for the fantasy of something that may never come...Are there MAPS that help you to navigate a little better? How do I get one? You noticed it too, right? Questions again, you can tell its Tuesday.... I think that for a Lance its always good to look at where I came from, so that I can look at the reality of where I am, and then maybe get a true sense of where it is I am going...even though I know none of it is, has, or ever will be, truly under my control to begin with. So for me, my questions are more like my small attempt at meditation through reflection...a glimpse into myself through the eyes of me...or something to that effect anyways... Leave it to seeing things like a bunch of Ducks crossing the road, heading toward WalMart to wake me up and get my soul feeling so good about where I have been in my life. That small moment, ends up being so big because it makes me look at how it has all added to now, and then makes me feel the one thing that has an unmatched power in my life...that feeling of total gratitude. I am so thankful for all the gifts that have been given to me, all the answers that have come, all the dreams that have been fulfilled already I cant express it enough most days...and I often forget too... Even though my faith and belief tell me that all those years of searching the wrong dark places of this world for what I thought was my answer werent a waste, its hard to not beat myself up for missing the things that were supposed to be important back then that I didnt think were. And the pain that I caused in this world to others, and more importantly to myself over the years, can be a hard to forgive myself for, and live with. Thats why I continue today....because I owe back...and owe big. HE knows I am here to pay up, and with my subsequent surrender to what HE has in store for me HE has rewarded me with some thing I had long ago lost....sight. The ability to see today what I couldnt back then, because my eyes were clouded and blurry, has turned into priceless gift that continues to overwhelm me just when I need it too...and keeps getting better and better with each day that I am able to throw away those thoughts of what I dont have...and look at what I do have instead. To not stress about what once was, and instead celebrate what is..To not fear what is coming next, but instead to revel in the promises of whats to come and then know in my heart...that it will...because I finally believe that it will... Maybe it doesnt really matter anymore whether I ever find what it was I was looking, searching and desperately trying to find back then anymore. I mean, I should have known better a few times that taking that same turn down that path was going to lead no where....and worse...and I did it anyways...a lot. Now? I dont like getting or feeling lost one damn bit, and when it happens, its funny that what I have found is the answer, the one thing that leads me right back to where I know I belong, is usually right where it was from the beginning...inside of me... So now we come back to where we started, the answers to those questions, on another Tuesday....I think tonight the answer I seem to have in my mind that sums of all of this is that.... It has found me, because I found It...and then accepted that It was what I wanted all along....funny how that has worked out isnt It.... Now That was easy.... Thanks for reading, Lance.... We continue because....we can youtu.be/t-sr3E6UdTQ
Posted on: Wed, 10 Sep 2014 05:20:18 +0000
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