DRAMA-FREE AND DYSFUNCTIONAL-FREE RELATIONSHIPS So people asked me to share how I avoid DRAMA. (from one of my post today). I avoid it 99% in my personal relationships and deal with politics in my professional life as an ongoing learning process. This post will focus on my PERSONAL life (free of drama) - as I have maintained drama-free and dysfunctional-free personal relationships since 1997. And you want to know HOW, right ? What Im about to share with you is SO simple.....many of you will think .... how did I miss that - then many of you will think ... well Ive done that and am doing that - then others will just NOT BE WILLING to do it. In 1997, I was working in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit where high stress and emotional ups and downs were a daily affair. I functioned on a high level and kept my emotions intact (mostly due to my extensive E.R. background); however, the hospital made certain we nurses were able to properly de-stress with professional guidance. Once monthly we would meet with a psychiatrist or psychologist (with 7-10 in a group) and ventilate about our experiences in the NICU. This particular week, the psychiatrist offered for us to share anything wed like about concerns in our personal and privates lives. And THIS was my concern and question to him: Why do I keep attracting all these dysfunctional people into my life? The doctor asked me to elaborate (just a little) about the types of people in my life. Basically, I was describing people I liked to RESCUE. Yes, I was a big ole co-dependent, enabler, and savior-type person - and I THOUGHT I liked it. But my relationships were DRAINING me emotionally, physically, psychologically, and even...financially. After I concluded describing a few examples of my dysfunctional relationships and friendships, the psychiatrist looked warmly at me over his half-rim glasses, and in a concerned yet caring tone, he said, Ms. Rambin, I can tell you are a very giving person and you truly want to help your friends ... BUT ... I want to suggest something to you that you must consider very carefully before committing to - because it WILL require commitment on your part. I want to suggest that you shift your concentration that youve placed on the welfare of your friends to the welfare of YOU. You need to work on SHERRY in every area of SHERRYS life. And this is okay to just think about SHERRY for a change ... take each area of your life mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually ... and be the BEST SHERRY you can be in each of these areas. Furthermore, take a WHOLE YEAR out of your life to break down these areas, in no certain order, and ENJOY YOUR GROWTH. Finally, when you become healthier in EACH of these areas, YOURE GOING TO ATTRACT HEALTHIER PEOPLE INTO YOUR LIFE. Now listen FB friends - it took me 15-20 seconds for the LIGHT to come on as to what he was telling me. And here it was ..... he was saying....Sherry, you keep attracting all these dysfunctional people into your life because YOU (SHERRY) are dysfunctional. WOW - WOW - WOW. So, I did JUST what he suggested - and I sat at my kitchen table and began to take inventory of what my life really was all about in EACH of those areas. For a year (maybe a little longer) - I became very introspective. But FIRST, I had to get past the point of feeling GUILTY for not engaging in all of my friends dysfunctional daily lives. Suddenly, I just became busy with other things - and I also learned that I owed no one an explanation for anything, especially what I was busy doing. This story could go on and on. But you get the picture. BOUNDARIES are a very healthy component of ones life. Loving myself without guilt of spending time on ME actually has allowed me to love others even more - but in a very healthy way. Since Ive completed that years journey, I have discovered that when I meet new people who are potential friends, they figure out fairly soon what Im really all about - and guess what - if THEY are needy, or dysfunctional, or carry alot of baggage, or manipulative, or whatever is not healthy.....they KNOW I cant be HAD ..... and they dont want ME. YIPPPEEEEEE ... I dont have to do a thing - they just leave me alone. ;-) ;-) Now, most of you who really know me - KNOW that I am not a self-centered, narcissistic, all-about-me type person. But, I AM happiest when Im with people who want to form a friendship with me that is about PURPOSE and creating something between us that will make the world around us a little bit better place than how we found it. Thanks for reading this and I truly hope it has struck a chord with anyone who wishes to enhance their life with health, happiness, and positive living. Blessings always !!!!
Posted on: Sat, 05 Apr 2014 00:20:20 +0000
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