DRAMA TRIANGLE – PART TWELVE Hello. My Name is _____ and Im in Recovery from the Drama Triangle Get honest. Recovery from family dysfunction is a time of facing the truth about your childhood and delving into the dark hole of lies, manipulations and devious behaviors that exist inside of you. It is about examining how you treat others and allow them to treat you. Drama Triangle work is Soul work. It is a call from your highest self to address the guilt, shame and sense of unworthiness within that percolates up and refuses to go away. You can create the space to watch and address your thoughts and behaviors as they present themselves daily. Really get it that your playing out the familiar roles of Perpetrator, Rescuer and Victim does not serve you. It does not serve others. It is just something you have learned because it was modeled for you. So you need not have guilt or feel ashamed for what you have learned living in your family. As learned patterns of habit, the attitudes and behaviors that make up all the roles of the Drama Triangle can be unlearned. To do nothing to change the roles guarantees that thing will remain the same. Real love in a family is a combination of checks and balances--calling a person on his inappropriate behavior when necessary and giving enthusiastic support for strivings for growth. Unconditional love given to disrespectful or destructive behavior reinforces the Perpetrator role as it does not provide any motivation for change. Unconditional love given to rescuing, enabling or victim behavior enhances continuing dysfunction. Real love is honest and asks the people in the family to become the best they can be without shaming or guilting. The ability to share feelings honestly and respectfully is one sign of healthy behavior in a family. Real love communicates a belief of positive regard for the person. It expects and gives respect to all family members. The undoing of the pain is an ongoing process of emotional and spiritual maturity across the lifespan. It can be hastened through study, observation and confrontation of negative behaviors. You learn, stretch and grow each as you mindfully watch your interactions with others. The techniques from Energy Psychology Therapy and Imago Therapy are so easy to learn to help you release negativity with amazing quickness. Forgiveness is the ultimate key to true change and recovery. It cant be forced, but by studying this humbling process of release, it comes, sometimes out of the blue, to take you to a place of higher consciousness. Forgiveness happens gradually for some as there is a realization as Virginia Satir said, We are all victims of victims of victims. Forgiveness is threefold: forgiveness of self, others and whatever you call God. Start with yourself to accept that you are a person with strong feelings that were born of trauma and injustice that call out now for transformation. Thats why the Course in Miracles and the Emotional Freedom Technique have such depth. They have a process to touch into forgiveness which you can apply daily to bring about an overall acceptance and surrender of the injustices and betrayals that happened in your life to come to a place of calmness. Remember, recovery from your family pain is a day-to-day process. Life becomes brighter and more cheerful when you address your personal pain. With practice and mindfulness, you can break down those walls of delusion of dysfunctional behavior you have built in a misguided attempt to stay safe. Make honesty the only language you speak. In your recovery from lies, deceits, and manipulation, decide to be as honest as you can and treat those you love with respect. The process of recovery is being mindful as you heed that call from your Soul to wake up and become all that you can be. Resources • Forest, Lynn. The Three Faces of Victim. lynneforrest/articles/fov.html • Gottman, John & DeClaire, Joan. The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide for Building Better Connections with Family, Friends, and Lovers. Crown Publishers, 2001. • Gottman, John & Gottman, Julie. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. Simon & Shuster. • Hendrix, Harville. Getting the Love You Want. A Guide for Couples. Henry Holt & Co., 1988. • Namka, Lynne. Goodbye Ouchies and Grouchies, Hello Happy Feelings. EFT for Kids of All Ages. Talk, Trust & Feel Therapeutics, 2003. • Namka, Lynne. The Doormat Syndrome. Talk, Trust and Feel Therapeutics, 2001. • Namka, Lynne. Violence in Families. AngriesOut. • Namka, Lynne. The Right Man and Right Woman Theory. AngriesOut. • Seligman, Martin, Learned Optimism. Pocket Books, 1990. • Utain, M & Oliver, B. (Eds.) Scream Louder. Through Hell and Healing with an Incest Survivor and her Therapist. Columbia University Press, 1988. abebooks.
Posted on: Sun, 18 Jan 2015 22:06:36 +0000
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