Daily Blog - 11/19/2014: The other night, I went to my support group. We have a group for people who realize that they have problems and that Jesus is the only solution. We take a vow that we dont reveal the each others problems outside of the group-- confidentiality is part of what makes the group work. That said, it doesnt mean that the individual (like me) cant discuss their OWN problems--that is their choice. For me, I wear most of my stuff on my sleeves. Most of you who know me already see it. I am selfish, impetuous, impatient, critical, and as some would say, Over The Top! I struggle with lusts, and pride, and lasagna-like layers of arrogance as well... But I recognize it, and I am trying to change. To be less of a wiener, to be less condescending, vain, etc. But it is rough! I have 49 years worth of accumulated bad habits, eh? Rome wasnt rebuilt in a day, no? I feel like I have ALMOST totally screwed up portions of my life, and you reach a point where you feel like you just need to start over. I had a friend who told me once, You can always start over... Ive started over several times... I loved this friend very much, even though one day he decided to Not ever bother with starting over and he ignored his own advice and shot himself in the head. I had another friend who got in a bad place, and he attempted suicide only to survive, and now he is the pastor at the largest church in Bonham, Texas. Another good friend of mine made a remark in the days right after my other friends unsuccessful suicide attempt. He basically said that if he was going to do it he wouldnt be unsuccessful, and he made those words come true too--because thats what he did... Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I want to send a couple of messages to you tonight. 1. Even though I may express various degrees of frustration, melancholy, depressive thoughts, imbedded with my blogs, in sometimes not so cryptic messages, I want you to know that I dont think Im at risk. I cant foresee me going down that path. Its just so wrong! Its an act of selfishness that even me in my own selfish self, cant bear to think of the consequences, because I know that I have people who love me. One of my desires is to really try to NOT cause anyone any pain anymore. To a degree, its somewhat unavoidable. Ive already done things that will cause continual pain to certain people. But I CAN make a decision whether or not to ADD to that pain, and my goal is to not. 2. You are very special. Irregardless of your condition, you are very special. There are people who love you, and there are people in your future waiting to love you, even if you dont know it yet. Promise yourself and others: never take your own life. NOTHING is worth it!!! LOVE!!! L2theB
Posted on: Wed, 19 Nov 2014 23:22:33 +0000
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