Day 4 is now all done and I have today and 2 more days until I go into surgery. I would feel remiss if I didnt take my first paragraph to shout out to all of the Redmond High School Mustangs that are reading this right now. Today is my 20 year reunion, and I will toast you all at some point tonight with a long draw off a good scotch. May all of your lives be as full of love, friendship and happiness as mine is. GO MUSTANGS!!!!!! As I just said that to myself I literally felt a surge of adrenaline shoot through my body and my hands are shaking as I type this. I would guess that is pretty normal and to be expected when time is so short before your life changes so very much. I just pushed back from my desk and I calmed myself. My son and his cousin are sitting on the couch discussing the different merits of the cartoon they are watching. It is fun to watch little boys get so into the cause and the why behind their lego toys that have now been made into a cartoon. Watching and listening to them calmed me. It was like sitting in the eye of a storm, with focus I just life in the present. That is the thing that I am trying to train my mind to do the most. I have to live in the present. If I think about what I was and what I could do I tend to become sad and eventually the walls I built up will break. If I try to predict the future and I spend to much time thinking about what I will become it is really hard for me to stay positive. I find myself chasing the rabbit down the hole if I do either of those things. So right now I am like a kid with ADD who has just been give a bag full of sugar. I am keeping my mind and body busy in the present every single day. Yesterday was probably the best for that. It was like a whirlwind of pure action. First I had a close friend who I havent been able to see since this happened who was on the first flight out of our airport, so I decided to stop by his office and see him before he left at 4:15 in the morning. I am still happy I made that decision as my life would be less full had I slept through that time. Yesterday was also my last day of work. I have to drive down to Little Rock on Monday so that I can be prepped and ready to roll first thing on Tuesday. So I had to get so many things in order. I had to get all of my short term disability paperwork in order. I had to get a Dr.s note to be gone from work, I had to get paperwork to my Dr. to open up my records. I had to try and close up my business and all of my open projects as much as possible. I still forgot to turn on my out of office and I still have to write one more email on Sunday, but for the most part I am as good to go as I can be....I think. All things considered, I wanted to spend a short Friday at the office and while I got out slightly early, I didnt get out even close to when I wanted to. Things just come up, and things just happen. I met some friends for lunch that made my day brighter, so it was totally worth it, plus I had to print up a sign so that people knew I was going to be out of the office. So in typical me fashion I printed up a sign that read Closed For Repairs and posted it on my door on the way out of my office. So work is over for a while and that is when life truly started. I got home to see my older brother Matt talking in the kitchen to my wife and his son in the family room playing Nerf arrow tag with my boys. I could not have smiled brighter if I was on laughing gas. It was just good for my heart to see. He drove down with his sone for this weekend to help keep me busy and to keep my head right going into this deal. My brother can come off more pragmatic and less spontaneous than I am, but only because he cares so much. He has been my best friend since the day I was born. Dont get me wrong, most of the friends I have who are reading this have probably seen he and I square off against each other in our younger days before I grew to be A LOT taller, bigger, and more good looking than he is, but through all of that we still know each other and can feel what the other one needs. We are only a year and 2 weeks apart and at times we would celebrate our birthdays on the 7th day between us. So we were Irish Twins I think the term is called. Having him here just helps to steady me. He knows I can do this, and I know I can do this. So he and my family and the support system that I have around me just make this that much easier to do. Not to mention that he brought me a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label to enjoy while he is here. You see I have been thinking so often in the last couple days about what I would like to eat and what I would like to smell and what I would like to do before I lose my sense of smell which will take away most of my taste, and the radiation burns my sense of taste (which although limited should come back). There are so many places that I wish I could eat again one last time. I would like to have one last gyro from my guy in NY off of I want to say 54th and 6th, a true NY cheesecake, sushi (like the kind I had in China that you got to pick the fish in the tank, and have it prepared right in front of you), a pepperoni Round Table Pizza (because it reminds me of being a kid), a burger from the Dutch Goose (same reason), my mothers cioppino, tiramisu from the Rosebud in Chicago, steak and lobster cooked by my buddy Keith that I won in a swimming bet, french fries and a blackberry milkshake from Burgermaster in Kirkland, and one last double double animal style. I would finish all of that with a pre embargo Partagas Lusitania Gran Reserva and 4 fingers one large cube of Johnny Walker Blue Label. I would love to have it all one last time, but I have been lucky enough to have had them all in the past. I can still see and smell every one of them so I am luckier than most. My last cigar ever was that Partagas, and my last drink before I go into surgery will be that sip of Blue. I had a friend liken it to your last round of golf. If you had only one round to play, you do it at Augusta, and you just leave your clubs on the green as you walk away. So last night we went to pizza with the fam. We went to a really small place that is usually hugely packed on a Friday night and I am not going to lie, I played the cancer card to get a table of six and cut in line. I would like to say I felt bad but I didnt. I loved my pizza and I even dipped the crust in ranch just because. After we took the whole family to Andys Yogurt. In the next couple days I will eat mexican and I will Italian and I will not pass up on anything I like the taste of, just so I can remember it that much more vividly when life goes grey. I will cook some pasta and break out my homemade sauce, and I will drink it down with a bottle of the best wine I know Franciscan Stylus maybe 2 (good thing I know a guy that works for the company. After I go through surgery I am going to have to change my diet and my life. Currently I dont eat to live, I live to eat. I love food, and I love drinks. So losing the majority of my taste is actually somewhat of a blessing in that I will not be tempted as I was before. It will allow me to get to the goal weight that I need to be at and carry in order to be healthy enough to fight this thing forever. I just ask you to think about this today, what would you like to have one more time? Dont wait, figure that out. What would that meal be to you, or what would bring that much more joy to your life. If it isnt food then consume whatever it is that brings you joy. Soon I will most likely become the opposite of how I am now and I will just eat to live, but you can best bet that my appetites in other areas will only grow. I will consume this life like a fire in the woods, and I hope that all of you do as well. We only get one shot at this. Plus with all this food, you can just figure that I am bulking up for my fight. Have a great one my friends.
Posted on: Sat, 09 Aug 2014 15:00:35 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015