Day 42 When in first saw a post on my Facebook feed about the death of Robin Williams I assumed, based on the friend who made the status update, that it was a joke. By the third time I saw it I knew it had to be true. Then I learned it was suicide... I have had an intimate relationship with depression and thoughts of suicide as far back as I can remember. So whenever I read or hear something like this, I get it. I get it in a way that many (thankfully) dont. And I wonder, with my knowledge and experience with depression, what lessons can I share, so that other may better understand. Here are some things I have learned in life, in no particular order: 1. We can be really good at hiding how we really feel. I have been in conversations with people as they talk about how positive and upbeat I am, and all I want to do is go home and die 2. You probably cant handle our truth A common response is why didnt they tell someone? or why didnt they reach out to family or friends? We can barely handle our thoughts and feelings and depression. We cant manage your overwhelm and uncomfortableness were we to tell you what we really think and feel. 3. You cant problem solve our way out of this There is probably not a solution we dont know about or havent tried. We are aware of the role diet and exercise play, we know about taking a shower or getting out of the house or being around people or reading a book or going for a walk or volunteering to help others or any other solution you have to solve our depression. We know it weve tried it and while it may provide a momentary relief there are bigger issues at play. It you want to give advice, ask us first if we are in the mood and open to hearing your advice. And dont get upset if we say no. 4a. Medication does not work for everyone For those who find medication works, congrats. 4b. Metaphysical/spiritual healing does not work for everyone. For those who find 5. For those intent on exercising lifes early checkout option, there is most likely not going you can do to stop it. See #1. We are good at hiding and if determined enough.... 6. If we hear one more person tell us happiness is a choice or that we love being this way we may have to hit something or someone. Happiness is a choice like swimming is a choice. Through someone who doesnt know how to swim in a pool and if they start to drown, tell the swimming is a choice and they must love choking on water. If they knew how to swim they would swim. If we knew how to choose happiness we would choose happiness. We dont know. We are trying to figure it out but we have not yet found the path out of this place. 7. Suicide is not selfish Making a person live a miserable, awful, painful, unhappy existence because you would feel bad if they were gone...that is selfish. I am not endorsing suicide and I personally know how painful and devastating an unexpected loss can be, but I also understand the pain a person is in when they go to that place and selfishness is not even on the radar screen of emotions in that moment. 8. The absolute best, most amazing, kind and loving thing you can do for someone who is depressed - is to just be with them, exactly as they are. I have a friend who have saved me countless times. Once, during the lowest point of one of my worst depressions, he stayed with me for a week and expected nothing of me. I laid on the sofa and watched TV. He made me dinner and then sat with me. It was the first time I felt like it was OK to be depressed and not have to pretend I was feeling better. It was one of my most cherished memories because someone loved me completely, exactly as I was. Just be there with us as we are. Thats what we need. 9. For some there seems to be an unending cycle in and out of depression. For others, it can and does get better As I wrote this and think about where Ive been and where Ive come from,I realize how much stronger I am now. I also realize how vulnerable I am with all the changes and uncertainty in my life right now. I continue to move forward, yet those thoughts and feelings still rise up. I am not giving them the focus I did before but it has been a lot of hard work to get to this place. 10. Depression is different for everyone. My experience is not the same as yours and thats OK. We are all here to support each other.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 02:39:01 +0000
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