Day 97 - A change of perspective. This is the second version of todays post. The first one was desperate. Today the arthritic joints have been almost unbearably painful, bringing me to tears on several occasions. Walking feels like the cartilage in my joints has been replaced with razor wires. As for lifting... well I’d prefer not to even think about it. This morning, after two hours of angst I decided against going to work. Logically this wouldn’t be much of a decision for most but in situations like this I feel like I am letting people down (a little insight to some of the conversations my psychologist has to deal with there!) and I actually genuinely enjoy my job. Instead of attending my scheduled urban design training I spent the morning lying flat on the sitting room rug trying not to move. By lunch time I mustered the determination to override the pain of moving so as to have a soak in the bath. The later part of the afternoon found me at the laptop researching how to do an elimination diet. The process of writing my initial update enabled me to process the day. Where I had felt subsumed with despair I came out of the writing process feeling empowered. Yes, I am in a pretty sizable amount of pain. Yes, I am hacked off that at 36 my body is giving such trouble. All that said there are things I can do to help myself. I have asked my mother to give me a massage when she comes up next week. I have decided to commit to doing the elimination diet. This form of pregnancy triggered arthritis runs in my family, my Aunt has identified certain trigger foods and now successfully keeps the flare ups to a minimum, heck she even skis and windsurfs. So actually, yep I’m a touch pissed off about it all but if I haven’t done everything that I can do to help myself I don’t deserve to shovel myself in self pity. It would be akin to being diagnosed with diabetes but keeping a daily appointment with the local pic’n’mix bar and then moaning about my sugar levels. As for todays good deed, I set aside two pots of homemade bath salts for a friend who deserves some good stuff. I even learnt stuff today: 1 – The sitting room rug could really do with a deep clean. 2 – The film ‘Up’ is not a children’s film, it is a bloody heartbreaking melodrama. I don’t advise watching it if you are feeling fragile in anyway.
Posted on: Wed, 18 Sep 2013 20:19:27 +0000