Days are getting shorter, waking up in the dark now. My favorite time of year, or at least it always has been. I still love the change of light and air, but every passing year, the dwindling of daylight hours hits me harder. I am thinking back on last year at this time, and the abyssal winter it led into, as I start to feel the tides pull me under again. I feel I have a better understanding of these ebbs and flows, and my relation to them this time around; but it is still scary, standing here on the precipice, knowing that the only thing I can do is spread my wings and see where the currents take me. I am mostly OK, which I have come to appreciate as a respectable day-to-day status. People keep telling me how happy I seem these days, and I am certainly happy more often than I used to be, but mostly I am a mess. Every day brings a jumble of seemingly random and conflicting emotions, lots of anxiety, uncertainty. I feel like I have torn up the screenplay in the middle of a live performance and started inventing a new role on the fly, improvising as intuitively as possible, hoping desperately for no wardrobe malfunctions. But it was poorly written, for all the wrong reasons, and probably did not end well. Anyway, I think I will go make some popcorn now...
Posted on: Thu, 05 Sep 2013 16:17:03 +0000