Dear Friends, Happy New Year! Today is January 2, 2015. It is the last day, of what has been our normal for the past 21 ½ months. It started with Conor and I watching GMA and talking about the daily schedule, drinking a protein juice, taking supplements and doing our first set of ‘carrick’ exercises. Then we set off meeting the extraordinary people who stepped into Conor’s path to see him through the recovery process. Sometimes it was at Doc’s office, acupuncture, class at UD, Pilates, cranial sacral or vision therapy. And boy, did I witness Conor working hard. I was the constant observer and note taker. I would typically hold my breath as I watched him fight for the task at hand. Although these days are much easier breathing, I have to say, I think my lungs are still starved! Through many, many hours in the car or in waiting rooms, Conor and I have entertained ourselves with stories, games, jokes, and sometimes silence. These are priceless times that I hold in my sacred heart. Sometimes there were moments with pure joy in our hearts, sometimes moments with complete angst and loneliness in mine. My whole day has been centered on the healing of Conor. He really did become my classroom. The lesson plans of our days have been organized, purposeful and fruitful. Every moment was a teachable moment for Conor’s incredible brain. For almost two years I have not thought about much else except bringing Conor back to fullness so his brother and sister can have back the brother they need and the world can have his light that it depends on. I knew we were working to a goal of more, but that day seemed far off and Conor and I continued to do our thing. Well, here we are, January 2, 2015. On Monday, I will be going back to my love of teaching and the school that holds my second family and children ready to learn. Phil is at work for his last day in his office getting ready to move up to Chicago with Conor next week. And Conor is taking his much needed brain break of the day. All of the sudden, today, the realization of our worlds being turned upside down again has hit home. Have I really been doing this for almost 2 years? Have I been gone from work that long? Was I the same person sitting in the ICU in Chicago so long ago? Was there ever a time I didn’t even know what a traumatic brain injury was? What do you mean my nicely organized, productive healing days that I have constructed is over? What does this all mean? That is why I am posting today. I think I know a few things now that I didn’t know then. I think I have learned so much about life that I didn’t know then. I think as I pause my role in Conor’s recovery and hand off the torch to my incredible husband, I have found out some things that matter. I was overwhelmed in the car today that if I don’t share this with all of you who have been connected to us, what does it matter? That is why we are here. To understand we are all connected and our journey matters in yours. We can lean on each other and transfer nuggets of information so that when you encounter an unexpected bump, this journey is your journey and our strength and lessons can be yours. We have leaned in on many other people and their wisdom. It is the emotional gravitational pull in all of us. Come to the well and share our triumphs and tragedies. But mostly share the ability to overcome and love and trust again. So, here are a few things I know for sure (borrowed from Oprah), in my very humble opinion. 1. We always must start with our breath. Four counts to breathe in, hold it for four and exhale for eight counts. It is the source of everything. If the brain is not getting enough oxygen, or releasing enough carbon dioxide or starved, nothing else can happen. Healing halts. Stress continues, and the presence of our God space in each one of us is buried. Every moment of everyday, we have the one tool that can release us from our imprisonment. It is always with us and can move mountains. It is our ability to breathe and begin again with the next breath. Why is it that we want to complicate this? It’s a simple as one breath and the practice of many. 2. I know that it is essential to see a whole person and not a symptom. If we just treat a symptom, it is only skin deep, but if we treat a person’s body, mind and spirit, changes and healing happen. Conor’s tremor in his right hand is an issue that we could isolate. But we know now his tremor is connected to his speech, which is connected to his eye movement, which is connected to his breath and areas near his brain stem. We could just try to address the tremor, but there could not be meaningful improvement. Functional medicine puts all of the pieces of the puzzle together and finds the common denominator or the core of the problem that effects all of the above. We have to start seeing a person as a working system and not just one tissue or organ. Thankfully, not only is his tremor better, but his speech is becoming more clear and his ability to exhale completely has shifted. 3. For anyone who is dealing with a brain injury. Find a functional neurologist. Had we not happened upon our Dr. Heuser and Dr. Logan over a year ago, Conor would be forever dependent on us and his dreams would be stilted. It is never too late for rewiring of the brain and they know how to do it. Because of Dr. Heuser, Conor has spent two separate weeks at the Carrick Brain Center and as Conor says, it has been a game changer. It is a whole facility of functional neurologists that don’t ever say, “that is good enough”, but “lets find a way to rewire and retrain”. Nothing is forever lost with the brain. It is a chance for growth and rebirth. Dr. Carrick is brilliant and I believe, there is not anyone else who understands the brain as he does and knows how to bring about new opportunities for it. Good nutrition is essential and powerful. The only medication Conor is on at this point is his anti seizure medication. Functional neurologists see the whole person and understand the potential of the brain and its ability to heal itself if activated properly. Doesn’t that go back to the God space in all of us? Of course, there is potential in our brains to heal. It is that untapped space of possibility we all have. And, again, it begins with our breath. 4. Time Heals. The simple fact we are here at this point today is testament to this. Do not be limited by what the situation is today, but open your heart to trusting time and knowing it will see you through the darkness or uncertainty, one breath at a time. 5. Love transforms and transcends. It just does. I don’t know how, but when we open up and share ourselves with one another, our connectivity empowers all. The flap of one butterfly wing in South America could affect the weather in Texas. Imagine if we all understood how our own flaps move through the wind of our one, big world. Everyone who reads this post has altered our world profoundly. There is no question about that. All of us need to embrace our power and wave our wings of love to bring peace and health to each other. My nicely organized days of Conor’s recovery are done. Now, Phil gets the hard part of being in Chicago with Conor as he steps back into normal life. Talk about the theory of chaos!! What an incredible man to pause his own life to help rebirth his son into daily living. His place of work of beautiful people understands this and is graciously giving him the space to show up for Conor. He might have a few updates of secretly following Conor to make sure he gets on the right train or gets off at the correct stop, or making sure there are groceries in the apartment. Not sure how else to have confidence that Conor can successfully navigate the world safely. If you ask me, I think Phil has the toughest job. I could control the environment. But, I have no doubt it will work out and Conor and Phil will become the new dream team. I may be the one walking into walls and forgetting what I went to the grocery store for. I only know how to do Conor recovery! There are definitely more aha moments that I could share, but I think I have bored all of you enough today. As you come to the end of this very long post, just breathe for a moment. As you breathe in, know how much we honor, love and needed you all. As you breathe out, feel peace in your own hearts that we are in this together. We can all move through our trials and tribulations together and share our nuggets of wisdom along the way. Conor has lighted our paths. With Love!
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 21:12:42 +0000
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