Dear Wife, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: * 54 times the sheets were just cleaned * 17 times it was too late * 49 times you were too tired * 20 times it was too hot * 15 times you pretended to be sleep * 22 times you had a headache * 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby * 16 times you said you were too sore * 12 times it was the wrong time of the month * 19 times you had to get up early * 9 times you said weren’t in the mood * 7 times you were sunburned * 6 times you were watching the late show * 5 times you didn’t want to mess up your new hairdo * 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us * 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: * 6 times you just laid there * 8 times you reminded me there’s a crack in the ceiling * 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with * 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished * 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move =============== =============== =============== ===== KEEP READING… =============== =============== =============== ===== Dear Husband, I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn’t get more than you did: * 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat * 36 times you did not come home at all * 21 times you didn’t come with energy * 33 times you came too soon * 19 times you went soft before you got in * 38 times you worked too late * 10 times you got cramps in your toes * 29 times you had to get up early to play golf * 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls * 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper * 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running * 2 times you had a splinter in your finger * 20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day * 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book * 98 times you were too busy watching TV Of the times we did get together: * The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. * I wasn’t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, “Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?” * The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe..
Posted on: Fri, 12 Jul 2013 08:58:15 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015