Dear friends- Two days ago I received news that my blood tested positive for Lyme disease. For over 2 years, symptoms ranging from tolerable to very abnormal have been fluctuating through my body and various visits to doctors have led me to the conclusion that we MUST trust ourselves. Given the internet and capability to search symptoms, I had come across Lymes as a potential for my discomfort multiple times. Expressing my concern and suggesting to run this test to 3 different physicians always ended in the conclusion that they were most likely psychologically caused, a judgement likely informed by past medical records including a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder and mild hypochondria. So, out of partly a rebellion in my gut and an inspiring interview on KBOO with a director who discussed the rising frequency of Lymes disease in particularly women (and the consequent challenges faced with doctors diagnoses), I decided to order the test offline and visit a lab in Portland, paying upfront and uninsured. Lo and behold, 150 bucks later, what I had known all along proved to be true in the face of so much incessant, heavy doubt. However, to reduce this situation to a matter of whos right and whos wrong would be like complaining about the way a brick was set in a wall and expecting it to move- it was done, and so it is. Instead, this is an opportunity for my own self to gain even more inspiration and learning about what it means to be a healer from the perspective of the wounded. But it is not only this. It is a moment I wish to share with all of you because it encapsulates the power of listening deeply- listening to what your body and your spirit know through and through. The feeling of doubt contrasted by the feeling of trust within the body is information enough to know which feeling to follow. Throughout our existence right now, there are multiple scenarios inspiring this conundrum of right vs. wrong. Superiority complexes are heavy in not only Western medicine practices, but between nations, between human and animal, between brother and brother, sister and sister. We are persistently confronted with forked roads, every moment is a choice- it truly, truly is. And so we must ask of ourselves, seriously, how we choose to relate with each moment- how do we treat the way we put a grocery bag on the table, how do we eat the bounty of the earth, how do we respond to cashiers at 7-11, how do we love others as real, feeling beings and can we begin to see all of this as a reflection of how we are interacting with our own self? Do we act from a space of fear and doubt, and if so, can we understand the nature of change, like summer blooms into flaring autumn leaves, and transform our perception of living as a blessing? In such a light, I have been so blessed. Through these past few days, tears have shed, fear has come and gone, I held the longest hug I ever have with my younger brother, friends have sent words of love and I have shared so many deep belly laughs about those damn ticks. Although prayers for my own bodies condition are so immensely appreciated, please use this as an opportunity to send your prayers to something larger, a cause YOU are passionate about. Prayer and blessing through love is very powerful, it is something I used to doubt but found is a transfer of energy boundless and certainly trustworthy. For the dolphins in Taiji, the whales traveling through the Faroe islands, Iceland, Norway- for the elephants used for trekking companies in Thailand I saw chained to poles with flies nesting in their wet eyes, for all beings who suffer, voiced and voiceless, please send your love. In holding loving space for the pain of another, that same space of love is reflected within our selves. I am overcome everyday by the radiance and changeability of those I share my life with. Even in the darkest sky orbs of light flicker.
Posted on: Sat, 30 Aug 2014 14:57:32 +0000
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