Dear friends, Facebook acquaintances and randomers, who linger in darkest recesses of my Facebook friends list putting up with my infrequent but nonsensical ramblings. I am writing to you all sincerely and solemnly because I feel that there is something that I must share with you all, something that I’ve wanted to get off my chest for some time now. There will be those of you, (those who know me deeply), who will have mused a guess as to what I am referring to. To be truthful, I have wanted to tell you all sooner, but due to the gravity of what I am about to reveal, all previous efforts to do so haven fallen short of the first paragraph or so. However the time has come for me now to ease my conscience, I can’t live with the shame, the guilt, the sheer burden. I simply can’t live a lie any longer. I am NOT the Candy Crush player that I purport to be, I have never played Candy Crush nor will I ever play Candy Crush. The myriad of Candy Crush requests, the countless levels gained, my persona as the Candy Crush King has been nothing but a farce. For some time now my Facebook account has inexplicably been linked with my grandma’s iPad and as such, her Candy Crush account has been linked to my Facebook. Did I tell her? No. Did I try to do anything about it? No. Did I sit back and bask in her glory, passing off her magnificent exploits on Candy Crush as my own achievements? Yes, yes I did and for that I am deeply sorry. I would also like to wholeheartedly apologise to all the people, who were sent countless Candy Crush requests. I am fully aware of that unrelenting feeling of excitement you would feel, every time a new notification was attributed to one of my Candy Crush requests. I can imagine the outpouring of joy you would undergo, in the knowledge that I, the great Candy Crush King had selected you to join my game. Alas, such requests have always been based on deceit and for that I am truly sorry. I say this not for you to pity nor feel sorry for me, I have committed a grave offence, I have deceived my friends and family and I am fully prepared to deal with the consequences, whatever form they should take. If you so choose to remove me from Facebook, abuse me in the street or even forgive my crimes I shall treat each of your individual reactions with equal respect. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my confession and once again I would like to expressed my most hyperbolic apologies for deceiving you all. The Candy Crush King is dead; long live the king.
Posted on: Mon, 24 Nov 2014 21:10:21 +0000
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