Dear friends I have been having a very interesting experience this week that I feel I should be sharing transparently. First of all, apologies to anyone who was waiting to join our webinar live today. Here is a little recording I made explaining why I chose not present. On a basic human level, I wouldnt have been able to do so without crying which I didnt think would make for a very useful presentation. So let me tell you a secret about me that nobody knows. I have been hiding a heavy weight in my heart. My whole life I have been covering up how I really feel so other people dont have to deal with their actions. But I cant do this anymore, its my turn to live now. I feel like I might suffocate if I dont open up. I have been hoping with all my might that I could simply bury my past and make a new life like it never happened but it just doesnt seem to be going that way because everything I try to do involves it somehow. For whatever reason, it seems like Im supposed to be sharing my past with others, even though I know its not who I am. The thing is, while anything can still pull on my strings like this its not my past - its my present. I know my greatest gifts lie in just being honest because its always my heart that prompts me to do so. Its not a flaw that Ive have these experiences because there is treasure to be found therein and that is the case for all of us, there are gifts hidden within our pain. So realistically I cannot avoid it because to avoid it would be to avoid myself and to avoid the huge value in sharing with others how to walk through their own pain. Dont get me wrong, Ive worked exceptionally hard on this, its just that there was a lot to deal with! I feel like the very last part of the process for me is in being open now about the whole thing. One of the things that Im still dealing with that is coming up a lot right now is the extensive abuse (just about every kind) that I experienced for the duration of my childhood. As expressed in this recorded message, a lot of this I cant remember or have only been remembering very gradually. There have been massive black holes in my childhood where I had completely blacked out what happened there. The last 3 years for me have been the excruciating process of gradually surfacing the memories. It wasnt until I finally decided to walk away from (most of) my family only a couple of months ago that I fully realised how bad it was and could begin to truly heal. It wasnt until I actually said Im not doing this anymore that it fully hit just how much I was still crippled by all this stuff. As Ive said, Ive been hoping that I could just get on with it quietly but life seems to have other ideas because it just keeps knocking on my door. I know exactly what Im supposed to be doing but every time I try to do it it highlights the huge lie Im living in keeping all this secret. There is nothing that I try to do in line with my true purpose that doesnt directly illuminate the presence of lies in general. This is something Ive wanted to avoid at all costs, but to try to avoid it means not to live. So Im going to have to be honest now about my actual journey while still remaining impeccable somehow. There is a very large flaw in spiritual thinking and that is that everything is just a mirror. In other words, if weve experienced abuse, its just a mirror of something within. While this is true on one level, its also only one level. There are many other levels to consider in the complex process that is existence. On a very basic physical level this kind of spiritual thinking can be highly dangerous if its the only kind we use. Its exactly what causes us to allow others to get away with outrageous behaviour, from those in our lives who have deeply hurt us to those in the world who are poisoning our planet. Its also what causes us to never truly get over things because we dont see the value of our human feelings. The truth is, literally the whole world needs to heal from duality. My gut instinct is that its in sharing our feelings that well actually be able to do this. The mirror concept used in the wrong way also doesnt give us the chance to deal with our emotions around particular things not just in our lives but in the world at large. It doesnt give us the chance, for example, to deal with how we feel about the fact that there are corporations out there killing children. I mean how does that actually feel in our hearts, and if we felt it, would be allow it? If the world is a mirror, then its mirroring our suppressed emotions. I know that to heal the world is to heal within and so I must address the feelings in my heart while still doing what life wants me to do - which is sharing my message with the world. Ironically, one of the things I wanted to talk about today was how the inner child is mirrored on the world stage. The world is full to the brim right now with screaming children - our own inner child is screaming for attention and we need to be the one to give it. We genuinely need to address our emotions if we realistically hope to see any change in the world. So, I hope that this is at least of some use. I know it has been useful for me. I am diligently following the steps as directed even though I have no idea where theyll lead
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 17:46:05 +0000
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