Dear friends and family, it falls to me to inform you of a tragic occurrence. If you are currently at a standing desk, please be seated as I would hate to be the cause of a fall should you be weakened by this news. Should you be listening to this status update aloud - either due to having it read to you by human or machine - while driving or walking or performing some other task, I urge you to cease and prepare yourself. Anyone who has reason to believe it wise ought to consult a doctor before reading further to ensure their physical health will not be damaged by the shock that will soon occur. The other day, my phone died. I would like to take a moment to mourn it, to note its life and passing. It wasnt with us as long as any of us would like. For the last eight years, it has been a constant companion and point of contention between myself and others. I confess, when it first came into my life, I viewed it with consternation and annoyance. That anyone could simply summon me at their choosing seemed incomprehensible to me. With the freedom the phone brought, it also fixed a leash upon me, giving others the expectation of a prompt and timely reply to any need or desire they wished to press upon me. Yet, over the years, Ive come to realize that its yoke was light, and it sought to ease my burden. Nothing brought this to me more clearly then attempting to use my wifes smart phone. Our home - and car trips - were colored and punctuated with frequent swearing whenever I had to interact with the infernal device, and I often sought the comfort and simplicity of my own phone afterwards. Those days are gone. With my phones passing, I am thrown to the lions den of smart phones. I may not survive, and even if I do, I may not be married or friends with anyone due to the trials and tribulations that I will unintentionally force on any around me for the next span of time. We ought not remember such an old and beloved thing for its utility to me, but for what it was - a solidly crafted artifact forged in the bowels of Science. Thank you for respecting my time of telephone silence. Please use this space to share fond memories of my phone, and to celebrate its life and not its passing. Hold your simple flip phones close, my friends. You never know how much youll miss them until theyre gone.
Posted on: Sun, 11 Jan 2015 19:37:02 +0000
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