Dearest Jennifer Osborne Wykoff; Despite the fact that you roll your eyeballs every time I tell you that my next house must not contain wall to wall carpeting, I feel the compulsive need to reiterate. I know for an undisputed fact that for the rest of my life, my home will contain either human, canine, or feline creatures who may or may not have unexpected accidents on the floors. These accidents may take the form of various food items, strange and unidentifiable liquids that coagulate into gelatinous material, mystery substances that defy any explanation yet require the use of gloves, elastic dog slobber, and, of course, the unfortunate occurrence of any one of my dependents being in the wrong place at the wrong time when said dependents bladder feels the need to be fully unencumbered. I see no reason that the Little Green Machine should be my equivalent of an Iron Lung. I got enough to carry around, ya know?
Posted on: Thu, 18 Sep 2014 02:48:09 +0000
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