Dearest Ladies, pardon my lack of brevity: The Woffords greatly appreciate your prayers and your support as our lives turn another corner. Lee Wofford continues to decline since his latest big stroke in January. The geriatrists familiar with vascular dementia and its progression tell me Dads story is common, although it has seemed to have gone by blindingly fast lately. For you who have known Dad for a long time know that he has been prone to strokes and TIAs for at least 15 years. There was a TIA in November that took him down a peg, but the January event followed by the March event kept him from getting a foothold to fight back from. Today he said he wanted to keep fighting, but he didnt know how much he to fight with. This week we swapped out some medications which is giving us some gains (one thing being much more much-needed sleep for the whole household), but most of the news we get regularly is less hopeful. We began hospice today. All Dads health care from this point forward will be done in our home. (We had an X-ray on Dads leg this week on the couch that went like a snap.) We have goals we are working toward to optimize Dads quality of life, and the whole team is on the same page. Well have nurses and various caregivers in regularly from here on, some with Hospice and some from the VA, which is all going to be so helpful, but we also have three great things on our side: 1. The UAB Department of Gerontology, Geriatrics and Palliative Care (in particular our anytime access to Dr. Andrew Duxbury, who is the expert on the latest elder care issues, and they all coordinate with Dads VA team so we can fulfill Dads wish to have peaceful final days in his own bed surrounded by family; 2. The 24-hour nurse access that comes with hospice. If we have another fall, the pain will be excruciating and knowing a nurse can come and manage that any time I need it is a burden lifted; 3. Marshall Hospice in general. Bobbie Wright suggested I consider them (she volunteers and said they were top notch, which is absolutely true, and the Birmingham doctors suggested Marshall Hospice based on its reputation and their experiences). Kelly Caldwell, the intake nurse, is one of the most professional people Ive met in years, and she has her heart in the right place; she believes the mission and lives it. I do need your help if possible, or maybe just a good referral. Im going to need volunteer short-term sitter so I can run routine errands. Secondly, unless we have some improvement soon, Dad is going to continue to be largely dependent on me for his daily (hourly? :)) activities, which is going to make my need for a little down time even more crucial. I dont need much, but I will have three or four days a month when I need a couple of people who can for a couple of hours each to keep an eye on Mom and Dad with the second visitor being a man who could help Dad to the bathroom if necessary. I dont really get terribly fatigued taking care of them, but when this all got worse so quickly I left a couple of work projects dangling in Birmingham that I need to have some meetings and put closure to them. For your information, these are the priorities that I gave the care teams and that I will judge them based on: 1. No pain/suffering for any amount of time 2. No separation from my mother (right now that means no hospital bed so she wont feel so far away, but she and I agreed to revisit that and do what we need to for Dads comfort; hospice is holding me a hospital bed and can deliver in one day. 3. All care will take place in our house, and Dad will die in his bed peacefully. I know so many of you have wanted to have more details about our situation, and Im sorry Ive been so slow to be this comprehensive, but Dads condition has been a moving target, and diagnosing, acting and assessing those actions takes a few days and then they change often in this kind of situation. We have limited capacity to accept unexpected visitors. Sometimes I have something private going on in the living room that will need a few minutes to resolve. Many of you are kind enough to bring food and ask for nothing in return, but I want you folks to spend a minute with Mom, even if Dad isnt available or if it takes me a few minutes to get him available. She just loves visitors so much. And were not trying to have some kind of version of that sign that used to say SLOW: DEATH, but it works best if I can get a shout a little bit in advance so that I can let you know what the lay of the land is. Im glad to talk to anyone anytime about them. I am worse than a new parent, just blathering about them all the time. My number is 256/504-2677. If anyone wants to visit or volunteer for some sitting, please give me a call. Thanks again to you all. Its sad. Brace yourself for that. But we put on a happy face and laugh our way through every day. Its just easier for us. Bless you all.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Apr 2014 06:59:51 +0000