Decade’s Finest Fantasy Football League commissioner’s Super Bowl XLIX-mania Fest 2015 presented by Annheuser-Bush, PepsiCo., Hyundai, Chrysler, Coca Cola and CRJigCo. Dear Decades Finest members, family and friends, For your reading pleasure I present to you my mildly amusing inaugural Super Bowl XLIX breakdown and variety post. My original post was in the 250 word range but due to an aggravation of my foot injury I am unable to find peaceful sleep, my loss your gain. Decades Finest have been tagged and this will be the last of my work you will have the fortune of reading until the season pre-view approximately 220 days from now. All others you have been tagged if you have or are suspected to have posted a football related post. Enjoy its entirety or quit after number 4 or 5. 1. I like to call this Super Bowel X-Lax. A.) I am still immature and fart and poop jokes still crack me up B.) As soon as the participants were set I got a stomach ache. C.) Three hours of sitting, grunting and yelling are inevitable. D.) Both of these coaches are so full of crap, a matchup of who can bend the rules the most without getting caught. E.) Either of these teams getting another trophy stinks. 2. There are about 5 teams who are liked by only their fan bases and who bother everyone else. Dallas, Washington, Seattle, New England and Oakland. This game is a bummer for all but two fan bases because there are not many who feel good about rooting for Cheaters or a fan base that has a name like the 12th man, that they stole from lame Texas A&M. 3. Inflate Gate is good. It turned the Patriots into the clear villain and puts them in a “lose lose” situation in the event of a win-Yeah but you are a bunch of cheaters Lose- Can’t win unless you cheat. 4. Bad Joke alert! Deflategate is nothing new. This whole thing is just repeated history, the under-inflated balls were removed before the second half, so it was Brady’s throwing ability that won the game. I know another guy who had a ball removed and was accused of cheating, but just like Brady it turned out the only crime he committed was being Arm-strong. 5. PR 101- Both Belicheat and Brady’s press conferences were a disaster. Here’s what they should have said and the story would be much quieter now. Belicheck’s Interview- Media “did you know about the inflation level of the balls and did it give you an unfair advantage?” Belicheck- “No, I am not involved in the air-pressure of the footballs, on game day I am busy watching film of our opponent’s walkthrough (a self-deprecating reference to spygate) Secondly, in practice I instruct the assistants to throw out all kinds of balls, over-inflated, dirty, soapy…you name it. So yes I feel we had an advantage because we prepare to be effective with any type of football. The last thing I want to say is that weve all known Tom for a long time and he’s never done anything that makes us think he is anything but a football player who is prepared the right way to win every Sunday. I don’t think it is safe to suggest that at nearly 40 years old he would start ruining that reputation with something like this. That’s all I want to say from now on we will be talking about the match-up only.” Boom, he should’ve called me first instead of throwing Brady under the bus. Brady’s Interview- Media “Did you deflate or instruct anyone to under inflate footballs?” Listen, on Thursday every week I go to the equipment room and there are about 30 footballs in there and I pick the twelve I like most. I always tell the guys I like them as deflated as possible and by that I mean the minimum 12.5 PSI. The only thing I can think of is that either they misinterpreted me or because it was a little cold in Seattle that they fell below the standard. In the second half the balls were all above the regulation and I threw better so no there was no intent to gain an unfair advantage. I take my role seriously, to my fans, family and sponsors this is not something I would do.”…..a pause then, “Maybe if the Colts weren’t sucking so much every time they got their hands on the ball there’d be more air left in it.” (Knocks over the mike stand and storms out.) 6. If I was a NE ball boy I would sell my story to TMZ and throw everyone under the bus and the only thing I’d ever worry about filling is my ice chest on a beach in the Bahamas. 7. I bet Brady loses his UGGS sponsorship, reason women tend to be less forgiving when it comes to cheating and pushing the envelope. 8. How did the media members not erupt in laughter when the guy asked if Brady has old balls and why did no one ask if he ever talks to Gizelle about his balls? 9. Emotional analysis- The tables have turned Seattle is generally the least liked and carries the “no one believed in us” moniker into each Sunday. Now everyone outside of the greater Boston area and the odd west coast Patriots fan hopelessly roaming California unaware of how pathetic they look, will be rooting against them. The Patriots will go into Eff-you mode ala the year after Spy Gate when they hung a 50 spot on everybody. Seattle will struggle with being liked and rooted for by “bandwagoners.” 10. On-field analyses- New England all year has been great at locking down on what “you do best.” I think they will successfully take away the ground game and play good enough coverage on the outside that Wilson will struggle ala against a similar Green Bay defense and game plan until the 45 minute mark. On Offense New England will run Gronk up the seam and run a lot of crossing routes underneath him which is the only way to attack The Legion of Boom (Seattle has given up 11 TD’s and only two interceptions against TE’s). I don’t see how Seattle will sustain many drives against New England and I think the speed of Jamie Collins and McCourty will limit Wilson’s scrambles keeping him controlled and under 40 yards rushing and they will hold him around 225 yards passing. Despite being slightly outplayed Seattle will stay in the game with both a big special team’s play and a big turnover. 11. This will be an unprecedented 4th time in one calendar year that I will root for Seattle. 1st against Denver last year, 2nd Denver this season, and 3rd during the 4th quarter against Oakland when it looked like the Raiders were going to make a silly comeback thus reducing the chance of drafting Amari Cooper. 12. Parting Shot at the Pacific Northwest before their shrieks are amalgamated with my deafening and bold anti-bostonite cheers bred deep inside of my soul forged by unflinching strength imparted by my prodigious ancestral warriors. (By the Way Congratulations for that Seattle, it worked the last three times) Even though the Ducks lost the College Championship theyve still got LeGarrette Blount. Just the sheer fact that he’s only been cut by 3 NFL teams means he’s the most successful Oregon alumni to ever play in the NFL. Prediction: NE 24 SEA 20 MVP: Gronk
Posted on: Mon, 26 Jan 2015 08:03:51 +0000
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