Drive South 01/2015 Kathryns son woke just before one-thirty in the morning. It was pointless to have him go back to sleep as the alarm was intended to ring in minutes. Her daughter woke. The alarm went off. Her husband woke. What was supposed to be a moment of calm to dress and bring the remaining items to the van became a moment of constant chatter and excitement and chaos. Within fifteen minutes, Kathryn kissed her husband goodbye and her and the kids were on the road. They were off to visit Kathryns spiritual parents. It was a long drive. No. It was an adventure beginning in the middle of the night through the winding country interstates until the days light filled the sky and the country setting turned to city chaos. Sixteen hours later, after the sun had set again, they arrived at their destination. The drive left Kathryn exhausted. The first time face to face with her spiritual parents and she was not at her best. It did not matter. Mom took her in a warm embrace and the bond between the two built stronger. It was the same with Dad. It was good to finally be home. Conversations began and three and a half hours later, with a lull in the chatter, Kathryn fell asleep on the sofa. While one of the purposes for driving south was to meet Mom and Dad, the greater purpose was for Kathryn to be baptized. Kathryn would attend Mom and Dads church that Sunday and afterwards, Dad would baptize her. Mom was to be the witness. Kathryn had been stressed about attending Mom and Dads church. For weeks she talked of the stress she was feeling. She had wanted the baptism to be private. Yet, time showed that Pastor K, his wife, and Kathryns soul sister would also be there. It felt right to Kathryn. These additions eased Kathryns stresses. She thought church attendance would be okay with these familiar touches. Then the Saturday before, Dad mentioned something about Pastor H attending. This had confused Kathryn. Why was he going to be there? Mom and Dad were not sure why and there was much confusion. Kathryn sent Pastor K a message stating, Please say it isnt so. This was the start of the downward spiral for Kathryn. Dad messaged with Pastor K while Kathryn cooked dinner. They worked it out so that Pastor H was not needed. It was a relief on one hand. On the other, it created a different emotional stress for Kathryn. She was to meet him at church on Sunday and she had said he wasnt to come to the baptism. In Kathryns eyes, this once again changed the dynamics of Kathryn walking into her parents church. Things went further downhill when a short while later, Kathryns soul sister touched base stating that one of her children was sick and she wasnt sure if she would make it to the church or the baptism. She also learned that her soul sisters husband learned of Kathryns baptism. This presented a greater chance that Kathyryns husband would learn of the baptism sooner rather than later. Kathryn knew the fighting that would occur should this happen. Kathryns sense of being safely surrounded slipped further away. The morning of the baptism, Kathryn was feeling uncomfortable. She had not been in a church for a service since she was fourteen or fifteen years old -- twenty seven years previously. Back then, it had been for a Catholic service. This service would be entirely different. Her soul sisters attendance was still unknown and she would be meeting someone she had told not to be at the baptism. What more could be thrown at Kathryn? It would be okay. Nothing had changed. Kathryn wanted to sit beside Mom in this church even if Pastor K was unable to preach. She still belonged to Christ. She could do this. It was why she came and why coming on the weekend was so important. Deep breath. Head high. Smile. Shake hands. She could do this. She didnt have to talk much. She would sit back and quietly observe. That is not exactly how things went. Oh, Kathryn was quiet when she entered the church. She shook hands and said hello. She quickly began feeling overwhelmed and she began to shut down. She took her seat while taking in her surroundings. She shook hands and said hello when someone approached her. They were quick exchanges and Kathryn went back to withdrawn when they were done. She kept looking to the door hoping to see her soul sister. She never showed. Service was to begin. They called the worship team -- a group of people who sang songs worshipping God. The first song was Rooftops by Jesus Culture. It was the song Kathryn had requested. Kathryn stood with everyone else, but her arms were folded as she listened. Her eyes darted to different people on the stage of the stage. Words to the song were projected on two screens. When the worship team was done, a timer appeared on the screens. Mom said this was a time to interact with others. Kathryn stayed in her seat. Mom left, but Dad stayed standing at the end of the row. Kathryn saw Pastor H approach Dad and she heard some of the conversation. Was the baptism still going to happen? Pastor H had asked. Yes, Dad responded. Kathryn had tuned out the rest of what Dad had said. She did not want to hear. She did not want to be involved in the conversation. A few seconds later Pastor H approached Kathryn. He started to tell her how proud he was for Kathryn to choose baptism. Kathryn had shut down completely at this point. She did not want to hear, nor did she want to discuss. Without looking at him she held her hands up as if to say stop. To each of his statements, she responded, Its good. Were good. Its good. She didnt notice him back away. She could not look anyone in the eyes nor would she look around the room anymore. When Mom returned and sat next to her, Kathryn couldnt even look her in the eyes. She kept her eyes up front. She sat and listened to the sermon. Her eyes darted between the images projected on the screen, Pastor H giving his sermon, and the different members of the worship team. Mom put her hand on Kathryns leg and Kathryn took it. It was a source of comfort. Kathryn listened to the sermon as her thumb moved back and forth over Moms hand. Aspects of the sermon washed over Kathryn. Aspects of it choked Kathryn. Aspects of it she did not hear. Twice Kathryn had a strong surge of emotion run through her. The thought Oh my God what am I about to do? ran through her mind. Though, it never crossed Kathryns mind not to follow through with the baptism. As she listened to the Pastor H talk about the Holy Spirit guiding individuals, Kathryn felt what she thought was the intensity of the Holy Spirit and it overwhelmed her. Tears stung her eyes as the emotion filled her. She would not break down. She pushed the overwhelming thoughts aside and focused on what was in front of her at the moment. She listened to Pastor H speak about allowing the Holy Spirit guide where one has never been before. This was exactly what Kathryn was opening herself to do. Despite the overwhelming emotions from a moment ago, Kathryn felt a sense of peace with these words. It was what she wanted. That was where her focus needed to be. It was right. She knew it. She remained in the moment for some time soaking in the sermon. Then the cycle repeated. She had another surge of strong emotions followed by a calm. Near the end of the service, a woman sitting in front of them gathered her things to leave. She turned around to Kathryn and invited her to return again. Kathryn could have given a simple acknowledgement and the woman would have left. However, something inside Kathryn moved her to respond that she did not live close enough to return. Where do you live? the woman asked New England, Kathryn responded. The woman asked, Did you bring lobster? This brought a surprised smile to Kathryns lips as she replied slowly, No. Go home then, the woman said and then left. Kathryn laughed. What had that been about? It was a completely random conversation that brought a little comic relief. Kathryn liked her. If there had been more time for Kathryn to open, she could have seen herself chatting with this woman. She was a hoot! Services ended and Kathryn followed Mom and Dad out of the church. Kathryn was not her normal chatty self. Mom motioned to Dad in the truck that Kathryn wasnt talking. It was a first for Mom to see Kathryn so quiet. Not surprising as their conversations were through messenger when each had the time. If Kathryn wasnt chatty, she just wasnt available. What did you think of the sermon? Mom asked. Kathryn shrugged, I have no words. Hmmmmm, Kathryn heard Mom say. Dont worry. I am fine, Kathryn said. I just dont have words yet. That was Kathryns default. I am fine. It meant the mind was churning, but there was no need for talk. She wasnt distraught. She was processing. When processing, it was difficult to talk. No words meant there were no words to describe what was happening inside. They showed up at the church where the baptism was to take place. It was filled with people. Kathryn felt her face go white. There were more people at this church then the previous. Kathryn could have visibly panicked, but she just sat in the truck watching. Dad sensed her uncomfortablness. We will stay here until the church clears some, Dad said. They wont all be here. After a while, despite the number of people still there, they got out of the truck and went inside. Mom instinctively went downstairs and found a bathroom. Kathryn followed. When Mom had Kathryn alone, she asked, Are you having doubts about doing this? Immediately Kathryn replied, No. No doubts. Upon returning upstairs, Dad said Pastor K and his wife were in the other room. There were still a lot of people. Kathryn followed Mom and Dad. Mom greeted them first. Pastor K hugged Mom. They turned to Kathryn and Mom said, This is Kathryn. Pastor K put out his hand to shake Kathryns. Without thinking, she pushed it aside and offered a hug. He laughed and hugged her. Like two old friends meeting, Pastor K chuckled as he remembered those words from an email exchange. Kathryn felt her stresses leave. Immediately she relaxed. She responded, Yes. It was as if a switch had been flipped. Kathryn, although nervous still, was no longer shut down. She started talking again. Mom spoke to Pastor Ks wife as Kathryn spoke to Pastor K. Kathryn knew she had yet to meet Pastor Ks wife. She took a deep breath and a few steps towards Mom and Pastor Ks wife. She held out her hand and introduced herself. Everyone sat down to wait for the church to clear more. Conversations continued as people passed by. Mom motioned to Dad that Kathryn was speaking again. The church was not emptying. Different people recognizing Mom or Pastor K stopped to talk. Kathryn was very nervous. Someone came up and Pastor K left to see where the baptism would take place. Dad left to change. Pastor K returned. The people were not leaving. I cant do this in front of all these people, Kathryn said. Mom replied, I can ask everyone to leave. There is no need, Pastor K interjected. The baptismal area is private. No one down here will see or hear anything. Kathryn sighed a little relief, but she was still nervous with all the people around. Dad returned and Pastor K indicated to follow him. Kathryn motioned for Dad to follow Pastor K and then Kathryn followed. Mom and Pastor Ks wife followed Kathryn. They walked to the front of the church and walked through a couple doors. They climbed a set of stairs and they were in the area where the baptism would take place. Kathryn sighed relief. There were no other people around. They spoke for a few moments about how things would go. Pastor K and his wife held the cameras. Dad stepped into the batismal pool of water. Mom followed. They beckoned for Kathryn to follow. Kathryn had intended to take a couple deep breaths to ground her nerves before stepping in the water. She forgot and she giggled nervously. She stepped into the water. After a few moments of figuring where Kathryn should be, Kathryn was positioned in the best situation for submission into the water. Kathryn knelt near the front of the pool after assuring Mom that it would not damage her knees. She stated, I am okay. Really. I am not that old. Everyone laughed. As everyone quieted down, Kathryn took a deep breath. Her mind went blank and she opened her heart. This is why she was here and she was ready. She held Dads hand as Moms hands rested on her shoulders. Dad began to speak, This has been quite the journey, quite a journey. Mom interjected, He is getting choked up. Kathryn breathed as she heard Dad continue, It has been a privelage for us to be a part of it. You are our spiritual daughter through all of this. It is a privelage that you asked us to be a part of this. Kathryn, I want to ask you if you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? Kathryn did not hesitate. She simply replied, Yes. Kathryn covered her nose and mouth as Dad said, Okay. On that fact we are going to baptize you in the name of the Father, in the name the Son and in the name of the Holy Spirit. Dad and Mom leaned Kathryn back in the water to submersion. They then pulled her back up. Kathryn coughed from instinct, but she had not taken in any water. Dad said, This baptism is symbolic of the birth, death and ressurection of Jesus Christ. Mom went into prayer next. Kathryn picked up that Mom was crying as she spoke and Kathryn leaned her head towards her to give a hug. Mom prayed, Dear Heavenly Father, we come to you right now. Thank you for your spirit being here. Thank you for what you have done in Kathryns heart. Thank you for using us. We love her dearly. May we be the example she needs. May we be her encouragement she needs. Help us to be there always for her. Lord, I ask that you baptize her with the Holy Spirit Fire, Lord. We ask that you will annoint her, God, and heal her of asthma. We pray that you reveal yourself in a new manifest way in her life and lead and guide her as I know her heart is seeking to follow and please you, God. Help her get this family bound in you, Lord. We thank you for what you have done. Dad continued, We will continue on. Thank you for the decision that Kathryn made. It was her decision. We wouldnt have thought it, but you already brought it to her mind. Thank you for her safety to travel here. Give her saftey as she travels home. Give her enjoyment when visiting her family whome she hasnt seen in a while. Lord, we lift her to you as she is in your hands. We thank you for what you have done and what you will continue to do. We pray now in Jesus name. Amen. When they were done, Dad took Kathryn by surprise when he leaned down and kissed her on the head. Mom followed suit kissing Kathryn on the cheek and putting an arm across her chest. Laughing, Kathryn playfully bit Moms arm. Mom reacted by putting her other hand over Kathryns mouth. Of course, this encouraged Kathryn to bite again. Mom pulled her hand away and said, Hey! She bit me. Dad, Kathryn and Mom laughed. Pastor K and his wife did not know what had taken place prior to the bites. For weeks Mom had been threatening to kiss Kathryn when she saw her. Kathryn was not pleased with this. Hugs were great, but Kathryn hated kisses. It always drove Kathryn insane when her family did it. Kathryn had learned that this distaste for kisses had stemmed from when she was abused. I am not going to get away without you kissing me, am I? Kathryn had asked one day. Not likely, Mom replied. Every time Mom sent a kissing icon, Kathryn would indicate swatting Mom away. It became a playful exchange that prepared Kathryn for the inevitable. Kathryn had told her co-worker about the exchange and her co-worker suggested that if Mom kissed her, she could return the sentiment with a bite. Kathryn laughed. She loved it. She told Mom of the new plan. Mom was not amused. But the swat had been replaced with a bite in their exchanges. One of the times when Kathryn and Mom skyped, Kathryn asked if Dad was around. He came to the computer and Kathryn asked him a question. Dad, would you mind if I bit your wife? Kathryn bluntly asked. I wont leave marks, and I will keep it clean. Moms face showed surprise at the question and at her husbands response. Dad responded, Yes. Yes! Kathryn yelled pulling a punch from the air down to her waist. But, Dad continued. If you do, you are on your own. No problem, Kathryn had replied laughing. When Kathryn had seen Mom that first time meeting, the two had hugged, and Kathryn promptly pointed to her cheek and said, Go ahead. Mom kissed Kathryns cheek and waited for the bite. Kathryn did not bite and Mom asked, Wheres the bite? Its no fun to bite you when you are expecting it, Kathryn had replied. Maybe the baptism will get the bite out of you, Mom had said hopefully. Kathryn thought on all this as Dad, Mom, and her laughed over the biting at the end of the baptism. Kathryn laughed, I guess the baptism didnt take the bite out of me. Guess not, Mom laughed. As they were still standing in the baptismal pool, Kathryn turned and hugged Dad. She whispered in his ear, You were right, Dad. On-fire Christian. But dont say anything just yet. Dad hugged Kathryn tighter in response. Kathryn then turned and hugged Mom. They then all left the pool and changed into dry clothes. Kathryn had one more thing planned. They found a more comfortable spot, and Kathryn handed Pastor K a notebook. When you read through this, Kathryn began. Whenever you see quotes, you need to motion quotes so that the others know. Pastor K put on his glasses and began reading. To the Leader of the Band. Before the first paragraph was done, Dad had caught on to what Kathryn had done. By the end of the first paragraph, Pastor K commented that he knew what Kathryn was doing. Kathryn could tell that Mom was oblivious to the amount of songs used throughout the letter. It had been a brilliant inspiration that finally found a way to paper. Kathryns first attempt was at the time she had first accepted Christ. It would not come together then. However, she had been listening to Pastor Ks sermons and his country references had captured her attention. She still wanted to poke a bit of fun at him. At the beginning of December, when she had learned she was going to head south, she decided to try again. She limited herself to country song titles this time. Her co-worker found a list of the top five-hundred country songs. Kathryn wrote down numerous titles that were possibilities of being used. Throughout the day as she worked and listened to the radio, other song titles came forth. She started stringing them together. The songs that came together showed that the content would most definitely have a religous tone. It was fitting though as she was directing the writing to a pastor. About the same time that the country title letter began forming, Kathryn had been growling at Mom and Dad for a few days. The growly dog had returned. Dads On-Fire Christian comment kept poking at Kathryn. Kathryn noticed almost slipping in associating the term Christian with herself. She hadnt done this previously. She did not like it either. Rather than tell Mom and Dad what was going on, she just growled at Mom and Dad with the growly dog through messenger. In the past, this had been a common occurrence for Kathryn. When she didnt like a transformation happening she would use the growly dog icon. It had become a joke between them. Kathryn would start off growling but not state why. In a few days or a week or however long it took Kathryn to process through, she would explain. Kathryn remembered this last round of the growly dog. She chuckled as she thought on Mom saying she was missing something. Kathryn had responded that it is hard to catch something that wasnt actually being said. She couldnt state it then. Then as the country song title letter started forming, Kathryn saw On-Fire Christian being added to the end. Kathryn had shuffled and kicked her feet. This country song title letter was supposed to be total humor. Now there was a message that needed to be added. Kathryn knew it at that point. She was not the type of Christian she had viewed for so many years. She saw beyond that definition and beyond that definition proved to be what Kathryn was -- An On-Fire Christian. She stopped teasing Mom with the growly dog, but she didnt explain what it had meant. She sat with the country song titles and let the magic happen. She had not intended to tell her story through song titles, but that is what flowed early that December. It was brilliantly done. It was still humorous for the intended recipient and it carried a message for Mom and Dad. Kathryn knew this new written piece had to be shared in person. And so she had to mislead Mom on the new Christian understanding. Kathryn started posting songs that had been used in the letter. It was torture not straight up sharing the written piece. However, it had to be shared in person. Kathryn knew the time was to be after the baptism. There they sat in the room. Pastor K read the letter making quote motions for every song. Laughter filled the reading as understanding of what had been done filled their consciousness. The way the song titles flowed to share the story brought more laughter as the titles accurately described the people and the situation. More laughter when they realized how much the rambling man had pulled together. It was a perfect ending to what had brought Kathryn south. In time Kathryn would see that the struggles earlier that day only proved that no matter what presented itself to her, she was now and always would belong to Christ. She would never be alone. She looked upon her Christ family in front of her. They had believed in her and never gave up. Kathryn would take that faith back home. God worked in mysterious ways. He had changed her. Maybe, just maybe, he would perform another miracle in her life. She would continue to put one foot in front of the other and keep her faith. One day she would be able to openly share. One day. ***** (c) These stories are the intellectual property of Kathryn Black. They may be shared as long as in doing so, Kathryn Black is identified as the author and it is freely done (no monetary or barter exchange).
Posted on: Sun, 25 Jan 2015 14:02:25 +0000
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