Dubya dies and finds himself confronted by Satan at the entrance to Hell. “Sorry, sir, but we have no vacancies right now.” “That’s ok, I’ll just be on my way,” responded a very happy Bush. “Whoa, wait a minute! You’re George W. Bush. Sorry, I didn’t recognize you at first. After the life you lived, there is no way in hell I can turn you away. We’ll just have to release someone to make room for you. Tell you what, just to make it sporting I’ll show you three people and you can choose whom you replace.” “Well, that seems fair,” replied a somewhat dejected Bush. With that, the Devil whisked Dubya off to a large cavern. In the middle of the cavern was pool of boiling oil. George was surprised to see his former mentor, Dick Cheney, withering in agony as he vainly tried to pull himself up the steep, oil-slicked bank and out of the pool. It was plain to see that he would never make it out. “Well, Mr. Devil, I was never any good in the oil business, so I think I’ll pass on this one,” said Dubya as he waved goodbye to his old friend. The devil waved his mighty arm and in a flash Bush found himself in another cavern where a large group of demon warriors—armed with swords and spears of fire—were chasing a lone figure. “Heya, Rummy,” shouted a gleeful Bush. Rumsfeld was too busy to respond. He tried desperately to get away but the warriors quickly closed ground and savagely attacked, hacking the defenseless Rumsfeld to pieces. Bush looked on in horror as Rumsfeld’s corpse suddenly reanimated. His former advisor sprung to life and quickly took off running again with the hellish hoard in hot pursuit. “Well, Mr. Devil, sir, my military training was more in the way of boozing and whoring, so I think I’m not really right for this assignment.” “Okay, George. The next one may be more down your alley.” In flash, Bush and his devilish companion found themselves in a lushly decorated room. In the middle of the room was a pile of plush pillows of silk and satin. Upon the pillows Bush spied the buck naked, spread-eagle form of Bill Clinton. Kneeling before Clinton with her head buried in his groin was none other than Monica Lewinsky, doing... you know. Trying vainly to hide his enthusiasm, Bush blurted out, “Well, I’m not a sinful person, but you leave me no choice.” Ripping off his clothing, an eager Bush babbled, “I’ll take this one and just try to make the best of it.” Bush began to giggle in anticipation. “Very well,” intoned the Devil, “You have made your choice and it is final.” With that, the devil turned to interrupt the copulating couple. “OK, Monica, you can go.”
Posted on: Wed, 19 Nov 2014 05:47:51 +0000
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