Enough have asked about Jays service that I thought I would post a bit about it. Its my hope that it will help others as they grieve. It was a very small gathering and a quieter tone -- as he wished -- because his public memorial will be coming later. Most of it was extemporaneous based on notes but I can summarize it a bit. It was outdoors, a perfect day, with me on a bridge over a brook near Jays memorial bench. I opened by talking a bit about the intersections we pass through as humans and how we mark them with ceremonies -- different ones for the different stages in our lives. After, I read the obituary that Jen West Scholes drafted (eleven years together and I didnt know until last week that she wrote obits all the time in college for her journalism degree -- she did a brilliant job with it and Jays family tweaked it as needed.) Over the course of the talk about Jay, his life and legacy, I quoted from writers I know he respected, laying out some of his beliefs. I opened with Douglas Adams: There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable .There is another theory which states that this has already happened. I talked a bit about how bizarre and inexplicable it was to imagine a universe with Jay gone. Then, I quoted Bertrand Russell: To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. I talked about how Jay loved vastly and lived fully, and about how the world responded to that love. After talking more about Jays legacy of words and love, I talked about another great thinker we lost to cancer, Carl Sagan, and quoted him: I would love to believe that when I die I will live again, that some thinking, feeling, remembering part of me will continue. But much as I want to believe that, and despite the ancient and worldwide cultural traditions that assert an afterlife, I know of nothing to suggest that it is more than wishful thinking. … Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides. I talked about Jays gratitude for the magnificent opportunity of his life and about him paying forward that by being vulnerable and looking death in the eye around his cancer and sharing that journey to help others in their own. Then, I talked a bit about grief and how we process it. I quoted Robert Ingersoll: They who stand with breaking hearts around this little grave, need have no fear. The larger and the nobler faith in all that is, and is to be, tells us that death, even at its worst, is only perfect rest. We know that through the common wants of life—the needs and duties of each hour—their grief will lessen day by day, until at last this grave will be to them a place of rest and peace—almost of joy. There is for them this consolation: The dead do not suffer. If they live again, their lives will surely be as good as ours. We have no fear. We are all children of the same mother, and the same fate awaits us all. Through it all, there were moments of laughter and tears as we shared that time together. I took a class years ago in creating meaningful ceremonies and companioning the bereaved back when I used to do services for hire as a renegade preacher and since those classes, I have really resonated with the notion of companioning those in grief. It is easier -- much easier -- to do when you are grieving with them. But it is at the same time also harder -- much harder -- because of your own grief. We had a moment of silence and then I closed with the words of Edna St. Vincent Millay: My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night; But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends— It gives a lovely light! It was the hardest memorial Ive done in my life, counting a few parents on that list. But it was my honor to do that for my friend and for his family and tribe. And I am old enough to know I have some control issues that pop up from time to time: I couldnt trust any one else to do it right or better and it was a great trust -- an honor -- that he asked it of me before he passed. I hope this helps those of you out there processing this loss. And I know already that other memorials are springing up here and there. I think its healthy and important to honor your feelings around loss, gather where you can, and grieve, remember, celebrate, love like the Mighty Tribe we are. Trailer Boy out.
Posted on: Sun, 08 Jun 2014 21:10:50 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015