Even More Ways to Simulate Navy Life at Home 1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. 2. Replace the door with a curtain. 3. Four hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble, Sorry wrong rack.... 4. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to your chest level. 5. When you take showers make sure you turn off the water while soaping. 6. Every time there is a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until youre nauseous. 7. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to high. 8. Dont watch TV except for movies in the middle of the night. Also, have your family vote on which movie to watch, and then show a different one. 9. Leave your lawnmower running in your living room for 24 hours a day for the proper noise level. 10. Have the paperboy give you a haircut. 11. Once a week blow compressed air up your chimney, making sure the wind carries the soot across to your neighbors house. Laugh at him when he curses you. 12. Wake up every night and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. Optional: canned ravioli or cold soup. 13. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed, get dressed as fast as you can, then run into your backyard and break out the garden hose. 14. Once a month take apart every major appliance and then put them back together again. 15. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5-6 days before drinking. 16. Invite 100+ people you dont really like to come and visit for a couple of months. 17. Install a fluorescent lamp on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books. 18. Raise the threshold and lower the top sills on your front and back doors so that you either trip over the threshold or hit your head on the sill every time you pass through. 19. Every so often, throw your cat into the swimming pool, shout man overboard, ship recovery!, run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots/pans/dishes off the counter onto the floor, then yell at your wife for not having the place stowed for sea. 20. Put on the headphones from your stereo (dont plug them in). Go stand in front of your stove. Say (to no one in particular) stove manned and ready. Stand there for 3-4 hours. Say (once again to nobody) stove secured. Roll up the headphone cord and put it away. 21. When it rains. Get two empty coke bottles, tie them together, and hang them around your neck. Go outside and stand in the rain for four hours. From time to time look through the coke bottles and observe the horizon and lightning. 22. Put on a clean white suit, then go change the oil in your car
Posted on: Wed, 24 Sep 2014 03:52:38 +0000
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