Ever since I began to fully wake up to my true nature and recognize that I have been heavily influenced my entire life by the opinions and teachings of others, I had been slowly losing passion with the job I had, realizing that the reason I worked as a secretary for my dad housing college students in apartments/houses had been because my family had been preaching to me that I will never find a better job than that one, due to having gone through so much in my life and having gotten involved with the wrong friends and getting into trouble in the past. When I mentioned to them my interest in becoming involved in school and getting a degree of my choice, doing what I love in my life, they told me that I have been out of college too long and I wont make it..basically telling me it is a waste of time to even consider. It never helped that most of the people Ive ever been friends with in my life (switching crowds to find where I belong quite often) have rejected me, made fun of me, talked behind my back, considered me crazy, etc. I have been enduring a deep period of solitude, silence and reflection for the past year and a half, where I basically shut myself off from family and most all friends and began healing, facing my flaws and developing faith and self-confidence in myself. I will say that it has been very tempting to blame other people for all of my misfortune in my life and for treating me so badly, when I am pure of heart and well-intentioned. I have even embraced a time during my awakening where I have judged my family and friends, now realizing that the things I felt in my heart were never far-fetched and that I had for so long been absorbing the issues of others and TAKING ON THEIR KARMA. I literally took on the issues other people projected on me and lost complete faith in myself and my ability to follow my dreams and the feelings in my heart, because all I have ever been taught my entire life is that I will never make it. People seem to experience something negative in their own lives and focus on that, then judge other people (like me) and hold that against them too and this is what really *did me in and pulled me down* for many years. I became the person to blame for the negative experiences that family and friends have had and the negative feelings they have in their own lives about themselves and about others. How backwards..right?? It has taken me time to reflect on all of this and pull myself out of the cycle of negativity and pool of projected negative thoughts and feelings I had allowed myself to drown in..it has taken some true separation from others and time of deep inner reflection for me to surface with the Truth of all of this for me and re-develop my self-confidence and faith in my heart and inner knowing, my intuition and my dreams and *TAKE STEPS TO ACT ON WHAT I TRULY BELIEVE IN MY HEART.* Now, I am breaking away from working for my dad at a housing rental agency, where I found that I was only working there because *everyone told me I should and instilled in my mind what is best for me* and I have to admit that I have never felt more free. The true freedom in my heart is making itself known to me and all of the positive attributes about myself are re-emerging and claiming themselves, because I have decided to LIVE TRUE to what is in my heart and take action to become that. I am reclaiming my divinity and true power that had become lost in the mess of other peoples thoughts, feelings and projections. Live is truly beautiful, full of opportunity for me and I am so much stronger than I thought. I just did not previously have the courage to believe in myself. And for that, there is only myself to blame.
Posted on: Sun, 06 Apr 2014 15:58:42 +0000
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