Every night I would call the object of my affection in hopes of attaining her love. By pretending to feign a disappointment in the news I already knew I was bound to hear I believed I could allow a twist of fate to occur. I knew that she would never accept anyone such as myself, that I could do nothing to prove to her I worthy of her love, yet even in these moments of doubt as to my odds to woo a lady of such a high position, would pray that somehow by the sheer fact of failing to win her over would somehow win her. I found that as soon as I entertained such realities that she would grow tired of me and demand that I leave her alone. I could see she didnt want me around for she knew I could never fulfill her massive requirements. Despite her informing me of this it only strengthened my goal to win her over. In some ways it only made me strive harder to make sure she loved me. For when we see someone who appeals to us in an aesthetic sense we often find that we choose to pursue them. So, indeed, I knew I would chase her all around the world if it meant me fulfilling my senses. The mere fact that she stated that she could never love me made me go after her to such a high degree that I was surely to capture her after long. She could not get very far without me there. In some ways she relied on me in proving that she had aoncrete existence. When we are denied a pleasure which we in no way shape or form deserved we will mourn over it & shout out the sky for an answer to our grievance. It becomes so we stalk our prey with such perseverance of will that she nearly feels suffocated. Due to knowing that they will seek to attain it by whatever means she waves it at them mockingly & knows how much pain she in purposely inflicting. That is how I discovered that her mission in life was merely to cause me as much pain and misery as humanely possible. Some will ask her to state her case & inform us why she has chose torture a seemingly innocent person. Hoping that she will take heed to the words & clear up any misunderstandings.I could not endure the day without a great much of pain invading my body. Throughout the entire day I was praying that she would see into reason & come back to her master.For we often dont give enough credit to the one who has guaranteed us eternal fe. I spoke to her for an hour in a most passionate voice begging her to come into my house for a short time. I, however,discovered that she had been waiting inside my house for the last hour thinking the same thing I was. I walked in & caught her sitting near my fireplace & scanning some old poems I had written when I was under distress. For poems transport us to another realm & thus I believed by writing beautiful words I would cause my pain to retreat to the back of my mind allowing me to ignore it for a little bit until I finished it. She had not wanted to be there, but by some unaccountable reason perhaps due to it raining near her house & wanting to be under a cosy roof, indeed, ran over here to be with her lover. Formy butler told me that despite him telling her my instructions that no visitors be admitted entrance she refused to obey the rules & came in anyway.She usually never walked into someones private dwelling so when she did I was indeed greatly surprisedWhen a poet is composing a grand poem the essence of which sums up the divine nature of reality & a common farmer walks in you often have such a shock you spill your drink. For inspiration comes to us in the most unplanned moments & thus her entering inside my house ruined my poem. For right as the perfect title of the poem came to me I heard her outside my door &then it instantaneously left my mind. She was back for me. I knew exactly what she wanted for me for. The thing she wanted was written all over her face. IWith a calm air denying my true indignation from being displayed went out to see what I could help her with. When we enjoy someones presence its mostly due to them having some kind of quality which we admire in them, and the longer we are with them the more we realize our admiration has deprived us of all sense & we are held captive under their spell. I had an odd sensation pulsate through me when I heard her calling my name in dire need, it made me feel special to know someone needed me more than life itself. For she treated me as if I was an oxygen tank fueling her to go on. I opened the doors & she was right outside of it & staring at me with a longing gaze. It was as if her eyes were telling me she desired something which she wouldnt say outright. She threw herself into my arms & nearly suffocated me from holding me so tightly. She backed away & she looked shock when she saw I had a deadpan expression on my face. I knew this was bound to happen. I was never the bearer of bad news but here today I knew I was going to have to reveal the reality of the matter. I had been purposely avoiding her all week because she no longer appealed to me. She lost all of the charms which I once associated with her & now seemed a positive pest. She who once seemed to me a goddess of infinite beauty now seemed as ugly as roadkill. Despite her causing my vision to become defected I actually found I wanted to extend this moment into eternity. However, my joy at having seen her here with me was enough to make my day seem much lighter than before I was despairing for my life. For when we cant be with the one we adore we find even getting out of bed can be a drag. Thus, much of our day is wasted on futile dreams of our beloved awaiting for the moment she brings herself back to us. Due to this we want the day to end nearly as soon as it begins. Even asking that the darkness shall close in us for eternity rather than go on another. For when twilight comes we sleep the most peaceful. I informed her that she had to go immediately, that I couldnt bear to keep her in sight knowing full well I could not have what I sought. The longer I stared at her the more distressing my situation became. I blamed her for causing me so much turmoil when she knew she was able to heal me if she wanted to. Thus, I found it sound judgement to declare her presence unwanted in my chambers. I told her she had to leave inthe next 10 minutes or I would have mybutler escort her out. She only stood there & apparently refused to leave the spot she evidently wished to claim her own. Despite begging her to go & never look at me again she kept doing exactly opposite. She begged for more time with me, if only for another 20 seconds she wold find ultimate bliss in that time. Ion the other hand was ecstatic the moment she left. I had been hoping she would leave for so long that now that she was finally gone for good I was quite happy. Last week, for instance, I informed her that I despised her & never wanted her to set foot in my house again yet she saw absolutely nothing wrong with trespassing here. She actually insisted that I take her out next week. She said it would bring her too much pain to not have me in her life anymore & that I should definitely follow up with her. I dont know if she realizes how important it is that she should never come back again. If she enters my life once more it will only bring me utter misery thus I hope she truly takes in what I say. When the one we love refuses a private encounter we often despair in the knowledge it could have turned out different. We who had been wanting to hear a different answer are so distressed at the news that we do something reckless. We would love to have known that they had seen it from our povs and would have accepted our embrace. It becomes so if we cant see the person we love we end up stalking them so we can find out what we want. We will do anything in order to keep their memory intact. We will not choose to rid ourselves of their memory but instead fully accept it as more vital than or own. It becomes so all of our past memories are no longer mere memories but have the person we desire in the background as if they were the memory. Finally realizing I was never ever going to see her again in my life I decided to pour a glass of wine. I normally drank with people so when I looked around and saw noone near I was indeed sad. of all the times she would hide how she really felt by changing the topic to something less romantic. The longer I dwelt on the fact she desired me more than anything else in life made me recognize my own desires. It was hard to come to terms with how she really felt about me, how she would go to bed every night thinking of how she can sneak another unlawful peak of me when I was naked & vulnerable. Her desire only awakened in me a similar desire. At first I was against the idea that someone should desire someone so very much but coming from her I was less repulsed by it. For when two ppl are both yearning for the same reality to take place both will most likely agree that its for the best. Both of our desires were formed on the same wavelength &she wanted it bad. I on the other hand was in no hurry to get my hands on her. Though I knew I could never attain the same amount of pleasure I would take on by accepting her desires as completely natural & nothing to be ashamed of. At times she hated this part of herself. She hated the fact she could want to make love to someone she so positively despised. I had grown free of most attachments at this point. I had no reason to believe that her giving in to what was natural would somehow cure us of some deeply established malady of the mind(the endless stalking, tormenting, teasing and mindgames done when we are in love)Thus, I could say with full conviction that I had not wanted to see her tonight. If anything seeing her would only cause meto regret I had missed out on a potential night out with former friends who I havent seen in years but which would still be better. I wouldnt say that she needed me in her life. I wouldnt believe anyone if they said she had been staring at me for the past hour with a look of utter carnal desire. For she was quite a moral girl & would never do anything remotely obscene.Indeed, her morals often got in the way of us doing all we wanted to. They blocked us from truly being one due to her constantly bringing them up as if valid.Having no experience in obscene matters actually thought they were quite important for your natural makeup.Even though I didnt want her around right now I still somehow thought that if she did come I would.If I could have her in front of me this minute I would perhaps be able to convince her that a night with me isnt as dreadful as she may be led to believe. However, she was unable to show her feelings to me. She had never been a very good lover thus I knew whatever love we made would be quite faulty. It would be similar to sleeping with a puppet beside you and somehow believing they are capable of a natural affinity. Her constant harsh way of behaving was a turn off to me. This harsh aspect to her personality made it so we both knew she could never truly love anyone. once ones heart has gone cold & sterile its hard to ignite that flame again without a true lover coming along. For the Romeos of this world have been criticized &thrown out of the world in favor for Snoo dogs. Her tendency to be aligned with the latter was the last straw. I went outside & told her she cant stay with me anymore. I wasnt able to give her what she needed. We both knew full well I could never be all the things she wanted in someone, thus, we knew this farewell should have came long long ago. I assured her that she deserved much better than me, that my cruelty was too much for such a lovely creature, that she could not stay here longer without sincerely wanting to go back to where she came from. Even though she knew exactly what I meant she still wanted to be apart of me. She stated she wanted to know what lied inside my soul. That she wanted to undress all of my past memories in order to discover what dark secrets I have stored up in my lifetime. I denied her request and insisted she walk back towards her house. If she wouldnt go then I would. One of us had to leave this spot & it didnt matter whether me or her but one had to.I grew angry when she stillkept around me after I pleaded she exit my life. What did it mean when someone reads your most intimate thoughts? She asked me if she could sleep over tonight. She knew I had a room at the top she could climb into if she so pleased. she has been wanting to do this for months so now that the time is upon us she looked like the happiest person in the world. Similar to when a dog is granted a toy to play with and it gives off a little bark to signify its content with the owner. Not wanting to ever be cruel to my precious darling I finally gave in to her insistent requests. I assured her there was nothing wrong with wanting to sleep a little closer to your obsession. We all have obsessions but some are taken too far & then we have to step back & do some introspection to find the root cause of this for its quite unhealthy to always dwell on the thoughts of a dead lover. Despite this I had discovered she had been thinking of me all day. She woke up and the first person in her mind was me. She mused over all the possibilities she would have revealed to her later in the day as she had last week. To get a short dose of an everlasting pleasure often makes it hard for the mind to resist such a tempting offer. We would like to savor that moment forever, to keep it close to us and know it as we know ourselves. Thus, she would quite instinctively dream of her Romeo coming to her rescue & taking her into his arms & giving her kisses all over .This tendency to dwell on him touching her all over made her tingle a little inside. She would feel as if her longing for his touch was getting the better of her. She would get quite hot when she knew her man was waiting to satisfy her deepest his touch was getting the better of her. If anyone had seen her youd almost say she was thinking of something almost criminal. Her face was red with pressure of being guilty of an obvious crime to which she escapes punishment by pleading the 5th. So every morning her thoughts would link to his & she would think of the same over consuming desire & how they both wished they were with one another at the moment of thinking the same thought. For when two people consent to the same desire both end up feeling fulfilled & they both win.The first thing she said I couldnt stop thinking of you all morning please forgive me Ill try not to do it again I ordered the butler to bring her things upstairs. I then brought her inside & closed the door so noone saw what we were doing.For neighbors walk by this street all the time & might want to know what two ppl are doing behind closed doors. She laid on a couch and begged me not to make her leave this time. She said she couldnt sleep all night while knowing I was here and she was there. She was going to call me but at the last moment decided it was better not to. She turned her head and stared at me from across the room. I was simply whipping up some chocolate shake but she somehow was delivered the keenest pleasure in seeing my ability to be a lover by morning & a chef by night. She told me to come to her, that she had a secret she wanted me to hear. With the lights low in the house I had a hard time knowing where she was. A moment later I saw a bare outline of her figure lying down. I went over to her & she asked me to lay down next to her. I got comfy while our bodies were in direct contact with one another.I put my arms around her& pulled her closer to me. Now I could feel her breath due to being so close to her. I started playing with her hair while she rubbed her head to my chest. After a passionate merging of bodies she informed me that she wanted to move in with me to make it permanent. She had always wanted to be with me so it made sense that she should ask me if I would be willing to let her stay with me. In the past I had always made her go off with her own friends instead of with me but today I was in a good mood so assured her she could stay with me for however long she neede to get her act together. My household had many daily rituals we followed so she would have to be introduced into them to discover their significance & value to ones mental health. She called up her parents & gave them the great news that she had a new home to go to now. They were delighted to hear that she finally decided to settle down. She had always been out & about so it was nice to finally take things easy for once. She wanted to know if I would let her sleep in my bed tonight. I assured her she was always welcome to sleep with me if it got too scary being alone. Apparently she liked being with me than most people. She believed I knew exactly what she needed & I kept her warm. Thus, she sought out a daily tete a tete with me for spiritual cleansing. I was like her guidance counselor in that I recommended certain activities to diminish certain symptoms of sickness she displayed. For we often get too attached to the things which do us the most harm. Not that she was in anyway hooked. she could stop doing this if she really wanted to she just didnt just because. In reality she never wanted to be with him.She hadnt been anxious all day for the possibility he might cancel & have to schedule for another day. No, she could definitely take him telling her No we cant have these private meetings anymore. They are no good for you. For when we a reaching for the person we want to take us away we hide it by attempting to trick nature by assuming a form false to how one really appears. Thus, we fool everyone but ourselves.For would we not, if we genuinely didnt want or need someone, just end all connections & forget that person forever? Would they not just be a faded memory which one may even delight in having renounced? So why in the world would one seek out anothers touch and then leave them pretending you were there for something else?For the most lovely things are often abused by others pretending they themselves are allowed to look at them foreverf without committing to them. When the reality of he matter isif our eyes are seeking out anothers its more likely due to wanting them to give us their love. She being an romantic optimist saw that the virtue of my words was alluring to her superior mind. He didnt know if she was a first lady or if she was more of a secondary character, but something about the way she carried herself told him she was alot more humbler than he was. For although he hated his own vanity he was never able to fully get rid of it. Due to general world weariness they both doubted a romantic bond could ever be possible between the two. It seemed impossible that they could ever regard each other as more than creatures with a similar physical need. Due to knowing how insensitive she normally was he knew the probabilities of her ever feeling anything for him quite low. They were both incapable of showing any emotions towards each other and seemed bottled up only saving whatever intensities for penetration.After she departed I went off I had to prepare for some tasks I was to complet by the end of the week. The list includes assigning the maids rooms & calculating how much I would be spending on my next vacation East. Last time I had been rather reckless with my money and wanted to store a bit away for safe keeping. I took out enough to last me the entire duration and transferred it to my other bank account filed under a completely different name.
Posted on: Sun, 29 Jun 2014 22:37:18 +0000
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