Everyone knows me as Chad, the bubbly lad with loads of friends, always smiling and always laughing, and Im glad for that. But I think its time people knew the real background behind me and why Im so poorly and distressed, and why Ive taken stuff out on other people π°π Basically, it all started out when I was younger, and I cant say Ive had the best upbringing. I was born into a less fortunate family of not much expense, in a small council house, in Leeds. I lived with my brother and two sisters up until the birth of my 2 other sisters, in 2009 and 2011. We grew up watching some horrific things involving my Dad. My Dad lost his Mum not long after my birth and it sent him mentally insane. He started drinking and doing things he wouldnt of ever done again. We watched him do some things to himself what I wont forget. And more than anything it hurt me watching that happen. π° I just wanted to have a normal life with a wealthy family and be able to be a normal human being. But I wasnt. My Mum fell ill when I was 6 months old and I spent a number of weeks with my Auntie and Uncle, our relationship grew and I began to stay there a lot more often. Since I was about 3/4, maybe even 5, my father became verbally abusive towards me, and my family, and it deteriorated. I dont wanna go into too much detail but this continued and he cut my contact off with my auntie when I was 10 years old. Thats when I broke. I was so young. But my auntie was my backbone and my saviour, she meant everything to me and so does my Uncle. It was horrible. I tried to sneak and see them with limited success, as when my father and mother became aware they became psychically abusive towards me, it was like this for another 3 years. It got to the end of October, 2012 and Id had enough. So I went into school and broke down, I told them everything what had happened, and they were so keen to help me. So they did. Two social workers, Anne and Annaleece came to visit me at Abbey Grange, and took me home to make sure I was safe, instead they were thrown out, I had to pack my bags and told I was leaving my Mums, and moving to my Aunties which sounded great, but broke my Mummys heart. Because it was my Dads fault, I was her baby and she didnt want me to leave but it was me or my Father, and she picked him. π°π So off I went, left my Mums on the 29th October 2012 and went to live with my Auntie, and the abusive messages started from my Dad about 2 months in. It hurt me so much I tried to take my own life 4 times, and I started harming myself, I tried to stay strong but it killed me, I wanted the relationship everyone wants with their parents, but I never got it. And it haunted me for so long I didnt even wanna be on earth anymore. I tried so many times to do something about it but was found and admitted to Leeds General Infirmary, I was sent for psychiatric assessments, constant blood tests and constant hospital admissions. In June 2013 I was placed into a Foster Care placement with a beautiful lady called Joanne and her husband, alongside two other girls, I was only there for 2 weeks before I tried to take my life again, and went back with my Auntie after leaving hospital. Everything was fine by then. I had my parents, I had my auntie, I had my social workers support, but one thing I didnt have was a heart, because it got ripped apart, and I cant even go into what happened, but in August 2013, I was ready to say goodbye. π°π I took over 100 different tablets, and although I tell people less, it was over 100, and some of them didnt even touch me. But I sent a suicide note to my sister via text thinking she wouldnt see it in the morning but she read it and phoned my Uncle who found me, throwing my little belly up in the toilets, and he rung 999 and I went onto hospital into the unit to be looked after by a team of amazing Nurses who kept me alive, and kept me breathing on them machines. And you know, if it wasnt for them and my Uncle finding me, today would of being my 5 month death anniversary. And Im always gonna be so grateful for that. So when I was ready to leave hospital, 2 social workers then came in and told me I wasnt to be going home, I was to be moving to a residential care home in a little village close to Selby, 30 miles North of my hometown. And I didnt have a worry in the world. I just went. And I stayed there for 5 months until I was better. And now, I am better. Although I may not talk to my parents, Ive got the best Auntie and Uncle in the world who Ive lived with since last Thursday. Im so happy to be back with them and although my life is getting back on track, it would be even better being able to see my baby sisters growing upπ°π
Posted on: Thu, 30 Jan 2014 17:33:34 +0000
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