Everytime I realize I have a problem the entire time its because Im on YouTube, Netflix, or on a forum and theres someone who talks about exactly what my problem is. Today Ive addressed my problem with trying to please everyone. I havent been able to finish a chapter Ive been working on for a fic because I keep thinking Im making something that people wont like because of some small thing that I like, but I dont know if theyll like. Its really not a bad thing to try and please everyone. Just look at JD from Scrubs. People like him for who he is and, though he wont ever please everyone, he actually tries. Which is exactly my problem. I dont try. I dont take the chances that he takes. Im too much of a wuss. And maybe thats because of my past reactions to negative reviews. I take them more personally than I should, and thats gotten me into some tough situations in which I lose the argument because Im too pig-headed. They were fun when they happened, but when I ran out of something that I figured was a valid retort, I felt bad because I knew Id lost. And thats where this all comes from. I hate losing. When I lose I blame anyone except myself. This releases a storm of negative feelings that Im just too tired to feel anymore, and they have an impact on the people around me, which is where I really lose. I guess this is part of the reason why I cant play games anymore as well. Not only do I feel like Im losing time, but those feelings of loss return when I die, or miss. The worst part is that I can have fun when I acknowledge my failure was my fault alone. Fighting (well, trying to fight) with my brother when he was here last was fun. Not because I was doing well (better than usual XP), but because I didnt fault him for winning, I allowed myself to accept my failure, have fun with it, and learn from it. So, things Ive learned today: I hate losing, which isnt really a bad thing, but when I lose I blame everything but myself. Im very competitive and will try hard not to lose, which is great since it keeps me from laying down and giving up. I dont like taking chances because it might make me look bad, which makes me feel bad because Im so concerned with what people think of me, and it makes me feel like a loser. In order for me to move on with my life I must take chances and let my guard down. To do that, I have to reassure myself that if I do take chances then there will always be someone willing to back me up on it and I need to focus on the good while learning from the bad. I have to be willing to put up with the thankless job in order to get to where I want to be. Have some great music that goes with this topic, since I cant ever conclude these things. youtube/watch?v=FgXCRbtn_9k&list=FLQoF8EUcu6fR6m_mmwUFtGg youtube/watch?v=_6H4WB1tJgM&list=FLQoF8EUcu6fR6m_mmwUFtGg
Posted on: Wed, 12 Mar 2014 07:49:10 +0000
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