Evil Santas Coming To Town By E. T. Brother Copyright 2014 by E. T. Brother A year passed after all the animals, under the influence of the aliens, had tried to destroy mankind. Nothing had happened, not a single thing, I was beginning to believe that my services were no longer required. I had shut down most of my equipment, and I was on vacation, big surprise right, me being on vacation. It was Christmas Eve, I was down in the Bahamas chilling on the beach, getting drunk. I was actually feeling sorry for myself, since my services seemed to be no longer required. I was doing double shot Jaeger bombs. Thats Jaegermeister, mixed with Red Bull. Its a very tasty drink, but it will mess you up fast, if you do too many double shots, take it from me, I know what Im talking about. The alarm went off on my iPad, I grabbed it, swiped the screen, then screamed out in horror. After a moment, I realized it was just my picture, a selfie, it was horrifying. I made a mental note to change the wallpaper on my iPad, I like horror, same as any one else, but thats just too scary for my taste. I touched the screen, pulled up the alarm, and I was looking at the camera feed for the North Pole. At first I didnt see anything wrong, I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong with the equipment and it had given me a false alarm, but then I looked at the camera feed closer. The problem was Santa, I missed it at first, because he had his back to the camera. I realized Santa didnt look right, and he wasnt acting right either. I had to look for several minutes, I was pretty drunk, so my brain wasnt working very well. Then it finally dawned on me, Santa was green. As I was realizing this , Santa turned around, and I hollered out in surprise and horror. Santa had green skin, and solid white eyes. He grinned, revealing razor sharp teeth, then he looked directly at the camera. Hello E. T. Brother, I hope that youve enjoyed your vacation, because it will be your last, prepare to meet your maker, Santa said, then he laughed. It wasnt a nice sound, it wasnt jolly, it was downright evil. I began to hear someone singing, and realized that it was Santa. Evil Santas coming to town, You better watch out It doesnt matter if you cry, It doesnt matter if you pout, It doesnt matter if you plead, Ill tell you why: Evil Santas coming to town! He doesnt care about no damn list, He won`t check it even once, Hes coming for you whether youve been naughty or nice. Evil Santas coming to town! He sees you when youre sleeping, And thats when hell visit. He knows when youve been good or bad, But that doesnt matter one bit, So run for goodness sake! Oh!...you better watch out, It doesnt matter if you cry, It doesnt matter if you pout, It doesnt matter if you plead Ill tell you why. Evil Santas coming to town. Hell leave you screaming, Hell leave you begging, But it will do you no good, Because Evil Santas coming to town! Santa looked up at the camera, grinned, then winked. Goodbye E. T. Brother, I would tell you to run, but it would do you no good. I wouldnt turn around if I were you, Santa said. I glanced over my shoulder and hollered out in shock and horror. There were a number of green skin things, with white eyes, and sharp teeth. They were short, I realized that they used to be elves, but they were no longer elves, they were monsters. I told you not to look, evil Santa said, and began to laugh. I grabbed my iPad, turned, and began to run. I wasnt able to run in a straight line, which was probably a good thing. I was running in a stagger, first to the left, then back to the right. The monster elves, or whatever they were, chased me, but they kept running into each other, because I was running in a zigzag pattern. I could hear them breathing, I kept expecting one of them to grab me, but they never did. After a few minutes of running, I could no longer hear them behind me. I looked back, they were all on the ground, unconscious. I staggered away, got somewhere safe, then began to wait until I was sober. I watched the video feed from The North Pole, while I waited, trying to piece together what had happened. I came to find out that Santa, the real Santa, had been replaced by an evil Santa, a monster. I began trying to figure out who was responsible, but I never was able to figure it out, because before I could, evil Santa and the evil elves got their plan in motion, by turning on a mind control device. I was completely unprepared, I didnt have my anti-mind control device with me, and I became a mindless creature, same as the rest of mankind. For two weeks I remember nothing, my mind is a blank. The first thing that I clearly remember, after Christmas Eve, is coming to in a cave. My mind was very muddled at first, I didnt remember much of anything, but then my memory slowly began to return. I looked around the cave, saw a shadow move, I hollered out when I realized that it was the abominable snowman. It stopped moving, smiled at me, and I hollered out again. The smile revealed a mouthful of very sharp teeth, I was terrified that I was going to be eaten. Relax E. T. Brother, Im not going to hurt you. Im Ted, weve met before, Ive even help you a few times, the abominable snowman said. My head began to clear and I did remember Ted. I looked around and realized that I was in his cave, I had spent quite a bit of time here when I was recovering from injuries that I received in a crash. What day is it Ted? I asked. Its January the seventh. Evil Santa has been in charge of the world for two weeks. The monsters, thats what evil Santa and the elves are, have enslaved mankind, and they are killing hundreds of day. They eat the humans brains, Ted the abominable snowman said. What the hell are they, zombies? I asked. Yes, that is basically what they are. From what I have been able to find out, the real Santa and the elves were replaced. The evil Santa is Santas twin brother, but I have no idea how he became the monster that he is, Ted said. That is interesting, but Im not interested in how he became a monster, not just yet anyway. Im interested in finding out what happened, so that I can stop it before it begins, I said. I knew you would be, thats why I got some of your computer equipment, when I went to your secret bunker. I got you your anti-mind control device baseball cap, that is why your mind is straight now, Ted said. Excellent, maybe I can piece it together, then I can stop it before it begins, I said. I got up, got dizzy, and had to grab the bed to keep from falling. Easy there, sit back down and eat some soup first, it will make you feel better, Ted said. I need to get busy, Ive got to stop evil Santa, I said. I took a step, staggered, and began to fall. Ted rushed forward, he can move fast for a big guy, and he caught me before I could fall. Maybe you ought to listen to me, you wont stop anyone in the condition that youre in. Eat first, Ill get your equipment when youre ready for it, Ted said. Okay, I said. Ted helped me back to the bed, I sat down, and Ted handed me the soup. I began to eat, it was as tasty as I remembered from before. As I was eating my soup, Ted got my computer and brought it over to me. I turned the computer on, and pulled up the old feed from The North Pole. I began to watch the footage as I ate. It didnt take long to find out when the switch had occurred, it was just before the alarms had gone off on Christmas Eve. The takeover didnt take long, the real Santa and his elves were outnumbered two to one, and they were caught off guard. I now knew when to take over had occurred, but I needed to find out what had changed Santas brother into the monster that he was. That took a while to find out, I had to go through a lot of useless footage to find it, but I eventually found what I was looking for. It was a real shocker, because it was so unexpected who was behind changing Santas brother. The individuals responsible werent human, and they werent even from this planet, per se. They were from The Land of The Naughty Elves, a land that the real Santa had created to send his problem elves to, he had had over a thousand of them over the years. The naughty elves had become monsters a few years back, when a weird experiment had went horribly wrong. Itd turned the elves into monsters and they had vowed to take the real Santa down. The monster elves, or evil elves, began to plot a way to take over The North Pole. They decided to capture the real Santas brother, Earl, and turn him into a monster like them, then they could take over The North Pole. The elves planned and prepared to make their move, they watched with great interest, all the animals plots to take over the world. The elves learned from all the mistakes that were made in those plots, then they made their initial move a week before Christmas Eve. They grabbed Santas brother, then transported him to the land of the naughty elves. When they got Earl to their land, they changed him into a monster and brainwashed him, turning him into evil Santa. Once evil Santa was brainwashed, he took over, as was expected, and they made their move on Christmas Eve. Evil Santa and the evil elves were ready, and they took over The North Pole with ease. They locked Santa and the elves away, then got to work with the second part of their plan, to take over the world. The first part of the plan, I already knew about, using mind controlling devices, but I had to watch the footage of what happened to discover the rest of what had happened. I was shocked and horrified by what I saw, Teds statement that evil Santa and the evil elves were killing hundreds a day was just a bit conservative, it was thousands of day. The way that mankind had been enslaved, and was now being slaughtered to be eaten, was horrifying. I was unable to watch much of the footage. It was very disturbing, it was very reminiscent of a zombie movie, only it was real, and it was being done at The North Pole. After I watched all the footage that I could stomach, I turned it off, and began to make plans on getting back to my secret underground bunker. It took a few days for me to get my strength back, being a mindless creature for several weeks had left me very weak. Ted fed me and helped me get my strength back, I was better in a few days. When I was ready, Ted had already gotten me transportation, he had a good tracked vehicle. I had met Ted a few times before, he had helped me each time, and we had become close friends. I owed him much, but Ted never wanted anything in return. All he ever wanted, was the same thing that I wanted, for things to be made right again. When I get ready to leave, I embraced Ted and thanked him. He told me that there was no thanks needed, just return things back to normal. I told him that I would do my best, then got in the tracked vehicle, and began to head back toward civilization. When I finally got back to civilization, I saw that it no longer resembled civilization, it was mostly deserted. I did see one person, although I wished I hadnt seen him, because he was naked. It was horrifying, I think that Im scarred for life, I took out a number of mailboxes because I had my eyes closed, as I drove past him. I knew it would be fine though, the mailboxes would be good as new when I went back in time, but I was still going to be scarred for life. Even when I went back in time, I wouldnt be able to unsee that naked guy. I hollered out the window, telling the naked guy to put some clothes on, but he ignored me. When I finally got passed the naked guy, I opened my eyes, and began to look for a new ride. I found a sweet ride, a 1967 Shelby GT 500, Eleanor, it was in mint condition. I switched everything over to the Shelby, then hopped in, and fired it up. I stomped the pedal to the medal, I was flying down the road in a few minutes. I had a grin on my face from ear to ear. I deserved the Shelby, after seeing that terrifying sight of the naked guy. I took full advantage of the horses under the hood, I didnt have to worry about the police, so there was no speed limit. It almost made up for having to see that naked guy, almost, not quite though. When I finally realized where I was, I realized that I had passed my secret bunker, by a hundred miles. It was my fault, I was in a hot rod, but Im going to blame that naked guy. Of course, he didnt have anything to do with it, but I refuse to take the blame. If you dont accept that excuse, then Ill blame it on the car, because I refuse to take the blame. Anyway, I turned around, and headed back to my secret bunker. When I got to the bunker, I got everything out of the Shelby, then I headed to the bunker, and put everything in its place. After I put everything away, I stood where I was for a moment, then I went back to the Shelby. That was one sweet ride, I hopped in, I wanted to drive it again. It was a once in a life time experience, and someone needed to drive it. It deserved to be driven, the mindless creatures that owned it, if they were still alive, werent going to drive it. I got on the highway and drove like a man possessed. I dont remember much about the drive, but I do know that I was like a kid on Christmas morning. When I finally came to my senses, I realized that I was in Texas. I pulled off the highway, shook my head, then found a more sensible car. I had work to do, mankind was depending on me, and I was on a joyride. Of course, you cant blame me, if you had been in my shoes, you probably would have done the same thing. I had a hot rod, open road, and no speed limit, a match made in heaven if you ask me. The only thing that would have made it better, would have been having a hot mama with me. Anyway, when I found a more sensible ride and switched rides, I was okay with it, the Shelby would end up back where it belonged, when I traveled back in time. I began to drive back toward the highway, then slammed on the brakes. A naked woman walked by, she was hot, it made up for having to see that naked guy, but not right away. Anyway, much much later, I began to drive back toward Virginia, back toward my secret bunker. I had work to do, before I would be ready to travel back in time, to take on evil Santa and the evil elves. When I got back to the secret bunker, I took a nap. Dont get started with me about I didnt have time to take a nap, I was tired, I had been up for a long time, driving. I know thousands were being slaughtered daily, but I had a time machine, so I knew it would be a complete reset. When I got up from my nap, I began to make plans for traveling back in time. I knew I needed to get to my other secret bunker, that was where the time machine was, but I had a flying machine, so that wasnt a problem. When I was finally ready to leave, I climbed into the flying machine and got ready to fly. Id still not taken flying lessons, but that was okay, the robot was going to fly the flying machine. I had stayed in a Holiday Inn Express, so I knew that I could fly the flying machine if needed, since you can do anything if you stay at one, just watch their commercials. Anyway, I started the flying machine, strapped in, and the robot grabbed the yoke. It began to yank the yoke back-and-forth, the flying machine began to bounce off the walls, it was like I was in a big pinball machine. I began to try to fix the problem, although I had no clue what the problem was, but the robot jerked the yoke back-and-forth in a blur. The flying machine began to bounce off the walls, back-and-forth, and side to side, in a blur. It was like bumper cars, only at super speeds. As this was going on, the computer screen in the flying machine lit up, and I saw evil Santa on the screen, the lower half of his face was covered in blood. He was smiling an evil smile, and it was even more sinister because of the blood. Its good to see you E. T. Brother. Well, not really, but it is good to see you in the flying machine. You wont escape this time, you troublesome little pain in the ass. The flying machine wont last long, bouncing off the walls as it is. Im laughing my ass off, and Ill really be laughing my ass off when I see that flying machine blow up. It will be soon enough, and that will be the end of you, evil Santa said, then he began to laugh an evil laugh. I kept trying to push a button on the middle console, but each time that I reached for it, I was thrown the other way. I was trapped in this nightmare for quite a while, bouncing back-and-forth, and left and right. I thought it would never end, but then the flying machine landed and shut down. I dont know how long that I was trapped in this nightmare, it felt like hours, but it could have been minutes. Its all relative, when youre in a nightmare, it can just be moments, but it feels like an eternity. After the flying machine landed, I continued to bounce around, in my mind anyway, then my mind finally calmed down. When I was finally able to look around, I saw Ted in the corner, he smiled at me. I smiled at Ted, began to climb out of the flying machine, then had to grab ahold of it to keep from falling down. When I was able to stand up, without being dizzy, I walked over to the computer, and began to figure out what had happened. I found out that evil Santa had taken over the robot, and that was why the robot had bounced us around like that. I could picture evil Santa using a joystick, to bounce the flying machine all around like that, and he was probably laughing his evil laugh and singing, Evil Santas Coming To Town, while he did it. I took control of the robot, and reprogramed it, so that that would not happen again. Ted stood in the corner the whole time, watching me. He was standing in that spot to stay cool, he had cranked the AC to full blast, and he was next to one of the big vents. When I was finished reprogramming the robot, I was shaking so hard from the cold, that my teeth were chattering. I wrapped up, then walked over to Ted. I thanked him, then I waited for him to leave. As soon as Ted was gone, I turned the AC off, then climbed into the flying machine. I turned the flying machine on, then pushed the button to open the roof. As I was waiting for the roof to open, the alarms began to go off. I pulled up the camera feed for outside, and saw a number of monsters coming toward the bunker. I realized that they were animals, but they had been changed into monsters, just like evil Santa. I hit a button, the floor opened, and my equipment lowered. When the equipment was under the floor, the floor shut. I punched a button on the console, the robot grabbed the yoke, and the flying machine began to lift off. When the flying machine cleared the roof, I hit a button, and the roof closed. The robot began to fly us toward my other secret bunker. The robot was flying the flying machine properly, since I had reprogrammed it. When we got to my other secret bunker, I ran a scan of the bunker and the surrounding area, it was clear. I pushed a button, the roof opened, and the robot flew the flying machine into the bunker. When the robot landed, the flying machine shutdown, and the roof closed. I climbed out of the flying machine, walked over to the console, and got to work. I began to make preparations to travel back in time, and was ready in a little while. I set the time to two weeks before Christmas, then climbed into the time machine. Unbeknownst to me, the machine had been tampered with, and I was climbing into a nightmare machine. I was getting ready to be bounced around like I was in the pinball machine, but instead of being bounced off of the walls, I was getting ready to be bounced around in time and through different parallel universes, from one nightmare to another. The door shut, a bright light flashed, and my nightmare began. I was trapped in the nightmare, bouncing from one nightmare to another for an eternity. The sights that I saw, while trapped in that nightmare will probably haunt me to the day that I die. At times, I believe that my mind might still be trapped in that nightmare, bouncing back-and-forth in time, and back-and-forth between universes. Later, maybe only moments later, or maybe years later, the door of the time machine opened. Ted looked in at me and smiled. I was still in the nightmare and I began to scream. I finally passed out from the terror. When I came to, I was in bed, in my secret bunker, and I looked around. Ted was there, sitting in the corner, looking at me. It took me several moments to realize that this was not a dream, interwoven in the nightmare, but my mind finally cleared up. When my mind cleared up, I sat up, and looked around. Ted got up and walked over to me. He was holding a bowl of soup. He handed the bowl to me. Eat this, it will make you feel better, Ted said. How long was I trapped in the time machine? I asked. You were in the time machine for a week. I figured out that something was wrong several days ago, so I came to check on you. I saw what the problem was as soon as I got here, because the time machine kept flickering in and out of sight. It took me a while to figure out what to do about it though. I finally grabbed a fuse and yanked it loose. In the few seconds that I was holding onto the time machine, I had some horrible nightmares, it was terrifying. I can only imagine what it was like to be trapped in the machine for days. It had to be almost unbearable, Ted said. It was horrible, I still feel like I am trapped in the machine, my mind still feels like its bouncing around, I said. I imagine so, Im sure it will pass over time, Ted said. I sure hope so, I said. I began to eat. When I finished, I got out of bed. Ted watched me, but I had no problems. I began to walk over to the time machine. Well, I better figure out what happened to the time machine, Im sure that evil Santa is responsible, I said. Im sure that it was evil Santa, Ted said. Just as I walked by the big screen on the wall, it came on. I looked at it and saw evil Santa, he was smiling. I see that you survived the nightmare machine. I was hoping that you wouldnt, but I figured that you would. I have another trick up my sleeve, this one will work, goodbye E. T. Brother, you troublesome shit, evil Santa said. Evil Santa winked, then the big screen went blank. Before I had time to do anything, evil elves burst out of hiding, and captured Ted and myself. They used zip ties and cuffed our hands together, we had no chance. The elves pulled us out of the secret bunker, dragged us to a vehicle, and threw us in. Two elves got in and the vehicle began to move. I couldnt see anything, so I had no clue where we were being taken. The elves said nothing. When the vehicle stopped, I saw one of the elves look back at me, and grin. Goodbye you troublesome shit. This is the end of the road for you, literally. Theres a big cliff ahead, its a two thousand foot drop. When the car goes over the cliff and hits the bottom, then there will be a boom, and no more troublesome shit. You shouldve kept your nose out of our business, since you didnt, its goodbye to you, the elf said. The elf disappeared and a moment later I felt the car begin to move. I began to try to get loose, but it was no use, I couldnt move. I looked over at Ted, he grinned at me, and I opened my mouth to ask him if he saw anything funny. Before I could speak, Ted showed me his arms, the plastic zip tie was gone. Weve got to get out of here, somehow, but I dont see how, I said. I have a plan, hang on, Ted said. Ted grabbed me, then he opened the door, and ripped it off of its hinges. Ted threw the door, then looked out of the opening. I could see the car was falling, I saw things going by the opening. Ted looked at me, grinned, then jumped out of the car. He pulled me out with him. I looked down and screamed. The ground was several hundred feet below us. I opened my mouth to ask Ted why he had jumped when he did, but a bug flew in my mouth. I began to gag and spit. Im sure that it looked quite comical, but I wasnt laughing, I was screaming. After I got rid of the bug, I saw finally saw why Ted had jumped when he did. Ted was aiming for a big hay pile. I heard a loud thump, then an explosion. I looked over and saw the car, it was on fire, and it was a crumpled wreck. I looked down, saw that we were about ready to hit the hay pile, then Ted wrapped both of his arms around me. We landed a second later, I landed on Ted, heard him grunt in pain, and I heard a loud cracking noise that I didnt like. I rolled off of Ted, looked at him, and saw that he was in a lot of pain. I looked him over, saw his leg was broken, but I realized that he also had other injuries, because he was bleeding from his mouth, nose, and ears. As I looked at Ted, I realized that he was dying, I could see it in his eyes. I wont forget all that youve done Ted, Ill make things right. Thanks for everything that youve done, Ill remember, and Ill do everything in my power to make things right, I said. Ted nodded his head, smiled, then he closed his eyes. He took one breath, let it out, I waited, but he didnt take another breath. I bowed my head, said a silent prayer, then I got up. I was sad, Ted had become a friend, and now he was dead. I planned to do whatever I had to do to make things right and bring Ted back. I wouldnt forget what Ted had done for me. I began to make my way back to my secret bunker. I knew that it was compromised, but I needed to get to the time machine. I could go to the other secret bunker to do what I had to do, but I had to have that time machine. Of course, I would have to find out what was wrong with it before I used it again, but that could wait until I got to the other secret bunker. I finally made it back to my bunker, checked around, outside and inside, and saw that I had the place to myself. I checked the flying machine, the robot, and all my equipment, everything was intact but one thing. The one thing that I needed, the time machine, was in pieces. I almost gave up, all was lost, because I had to have the time machine, then I remembered about Ted. I began to go through the pieces of the time machine, and realized that it had just been taken apart. The pieces were all there, and they were all intact. I looked at all the pieces and realized that I could put the time machine back together, it could be done, it would just be time-consuming. That wouldnt be a problem though, if I could fix the time machine. As I looked at the pieces more closely, I began to laugh, whoever had taken it apart had put the pieces in a nice neat pattern. All that I had to do, was put the pieces back together in order, that was a big help. I got to work, put the time machine back together, then tested it. I used a watch, set the time ahead one minute on the time machine, then hit the button. The time machine began to hum, there was a bright white flash, and the time machine disappeared. A minute later, there was a bright white flash, and the time machine reappeared. When the door opened, I looked inside, and saw that the watch was fine. I began to smile, then I began to get everything ready to go back in time myself. I checked and saw that there was no one around, the elves thought that they had killed me. I decided that I would use the time machine right here, then I could get to work making preparations to defeat the evil elves and prevent them from grabbing Santas brother in the first place. I made a final check, found that everything was ready, and I set the time to two weeks before Christmas. I climbed in, the door shut, and a moment later the time machine began to hum. There was a white flash of light, and I traveled back in time. When the time machine shutdown and the door opened, I got out. I checked the date, the time machine had worked fine. I had traveled back in time, to before the time when the evil elves had made their move. I went to my bedroom and took a nap. I was exhausted, I had been going nonstop for quite a while, and I could barely keep my eyes open. When I got up from my nap, I got busy making preparations. I thought about trying to get help, then I rejected the idea, I didnt want to waste any time. I worked frantically, and I was ready for the elves when they made their move. When the elves went to grab Santas brother, I unleashed my plan and the evil elves were captured in a few moments. I waited for a counterstrike from the elves, when it didnt come, I grabbed Santas brother. I explained the situation to Earl, he was skeptical, but he agreed to come to The North Pole with me. When we got to The North Pole, I got a meeting with Santa. He told me that he was quite busy, but he owed me, so he agreed to listen. I explained everything to Santa, showed him the evil elves, then Santa nodded. I understand E. T. Brother, I was afraid something like this would happen someday, it seems that I was right. I cant do much about it right this minute, Im so busy at this time of the year, but I can call in a few friends to help out, then I can take care of the problem after Christmas, Santa said. Santa got up, walked around his desk, and gave me a hug. This made me a little uncomfortable, but I tolerated it. Thanks E. T. Brother, I will take care of everything. Earl is safe, the evil elves have been foiled, and they will be taken care of. Dont worry about your friend, Ted is fine, and you made sure that he will remain fine. Go take a vacation, Im sure that that nightmare machine was horrible, Santa said. Thanks Santa, I said. No, thank you E. T. Brother. Dont worry about anything, the evil elves will be contained until after Christmas, then they will be dealt with, when I have more time, Santa said. That sounds fine, I said. Santa let go of me and I quickly got out of his office, he was busy, so I didnt want to hold him up. I decided to go back and finish my vacation, I earned it, and I needed to recover from everything that Id been through. Itd been a very trying time. The story ends, the same way that it began. I was in the Bahamas, doing Jaeger bombs. I was drinking them, trying to block out the nightmares from my time in the screwed up time machine. I wasnt drunk, but I had a good buzz going. I picked up my iPad, swiped the screen, and screamed. I had not changed the wallpaper, I was looking at a picture of myself. I quickly changed the picture to something less scary, I chose a picture of the boogieman. #### The End
Posted on: Sun, 28 Dec 2014 21:55:43 +0000
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