Excerpt from my debut novel that Im starting to write called the : Diary of a Broken Soul: Chapter 12 Questioned Mindset Theory As I watched the end of Lifetimes Abducted: The Carlina White Story I had cried my eyes out thinking of how my life would be If my biological mother didnt make the painful decision she made out of fear to give me up for adoption. Over the years I questioned my name, my voice, my heart, my feelings, my ambition, my dreams, my spirit, my family, my mind, my faith, my health, my self esteem, my looks everything. Who am I??? I was born Taheeda Tahara Turner but If Taheeda Tahara Turner had never lived or exsisted, but then Tracy Marie ONeal wouldve never been born. On December 2, 2013 I found my family it was a painful revelation, but a blessing in return. I always had this dream of meeting my biological mother hugging her and telling her I forgive her, seeing my sisters forming an unconditional bond with them, her seeing me get married and have children but that was a dream that will never happen. My adopted mother wont be able to either. I hoped too much, dreamed too soon, but I always knew a part of me was missing. You know how at family functions everyone is having a good time and you are somewhere else trying to piece together everything of who you are?? In your mind they are already established as a family u dont feel included, sure thats your family u love them with every all your heart. But do they love you in return as much as you love them? No, because you arent blood related to them. You carry their name not their legacy. Something is still missing, you try to find/put yourself in another persons family. Your friends family is what u want wholeheartedly U have an idea thinking I wish I was apart of their family not realizing your family is the one God entrusted for you to be with but they dont have a place in your heart. They treat u like u r adopted which you are, you carry their name but you dont carry their legacy. Big Difference! It took me 26 to find out who I am. What does it take to make me whole and Happy? Am I a mean person? What does it take to make me angry? Am I Beautiful? Inside and out? Am I loyal? Am I smart? Am I Independent? Am I a good friend? Am I a committed person? So I ask myself who am I ? Am I the Godly woman that God created me to be? I have loved, but I have yet to live. Am I living? Or Am I existing? That is the question? Who am I ? How do I live out my future??? Do I live as Taheeda Tahara Turner ? Or the soul that has yet to be healed Tracy Marie ONeal?
Posted on: Wed, 15 Oct 2014 02:54:52 +0000
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