FRIDAY FUNNY WITH Janelle Koenig So yesterday, my five year old, with no intention of being cruel or vindictive, studied my size 14 (/16) stomach and innocently asked Mum, are you having another baby? So. Many. Feelings. Offence, outrage, shame, devastation. I wanted to scream WELL IT DIDNT LOOK LIKE THIS BEFORE YOU AND YOUR SISTER WERE IN IT! I wanted to scream HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME? IVE CLEANED SKID MARKS OUT OF YOUR UNDIES WITH MY BARE HANDS! I wanted to scream YA LITTLE BI....! Of course, I didnt. What I actually said, very calmly, was No, Babe. Later that night, after a day of being a human cappuccino (light and frothy on the top, dark and steaming underneath) I thought Id approach the topic again. I got Mairéad on her own and asked casually, So, do you reckon I look like Ive got a baby in my tummy? She immediately said No, Mum! Youre not fat (that wasnt the question, but moving right along) youre just....plumpy. I said Plumpy? Do you know what that word means? She said Yeah - plumpy. Like Gloria in Madagascar. Gloria....the HIPPOPOTAMUS in Madagascar. Im not fat. Im plumpy - me and the third largest land-living mammal on the planet. Its ok - Im ok. I know Mairéad wasnt trying to hurt my feelings or be nasty. I think she was actually hoping that there WAS another baby in there. And I like me. I dont dislike what I see in the mirror. Im hot (well, warm)! Just dont get on the wrong side of me. My kind are responsible for more deaths than any other large animal in Africa.
Posted on: Fri, 23 Jan 2015 06:09:40 +0000
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